Heartbreak and Hope
by Caskett1960
Summary: An unexpected event brings hope and then heartbreak to Kate and Castle as they try to help each other deal with the grief. This first chapter is rated M.
1. Chapter 1--How Did This Happen?

**Disclaimers: Andrew W. Marlowe is a genius. While I don't own 'Castle,' I'd love to have a sit down with Mr. Marlowe for just an hour.**

**Title: Heartbreak and Hope**

**Summary: An unexpected event brings hope and then heartbreak to Kate and Castle as they try to help each other deal with the grief. This first chapter is rated M, but I'm not sure about the others.**

**A/N: While this story takes place after the events of 'Watershed,' it isn't a post-Watershed story. It is extremely heavy on the angst, but I promise that things will get better.**

Chapter 1: How did this Happen?

Kate Beckett was in a daze as she walked down the corridor toward Castle's loft. She reached into her purse and removed the key that he'd given her just a few short weeks before. She put it into the lock and slowly turned it as she stepped into the apartment, leaning against the door after she closed it as she tried to gather her thoughts.

'How had this happened?' She thought to herself. 'Well, I know _how _it happened, but how had it happened now?'

It was early June. Usually Castle and his family would be in the Hamptons by now for the summer. But things had changed in the last year. Those changes had gotten crazier in the last few weeks. She glanced down at her left hand where her diamond engagement ring sparkled. Castle's proposal had taken her completely by surprise. It had forced her to make decisions as to what direction she wanted her life to go in. She'd been offered a position in Washington D.C. with the Attorney General's office. Castle had been so angry when he'd learned that she'd gone for the interview.

_As she looked at Castle on his one knee in front of her swing, she was taken aback. "Are you doing this because you think that it'll keep me from taking the job?"_

"_Kate, I told you that I'm behind you in whatever you decide. I love you. If you take this next step, then I'll either follow you to D.C., or I'll hop on a plane and be with you as often as I can. I'd like to think that you'd want to hop on a plane when you can to also be with me."_

"_Do you think that we could do this?"_

"_I wouldn't be proposing to you if I didn't think we could do this. It's a hurdle in our relationship. It might be the first major one, but I'm sure that it won't be the last. So, will you marry me?" He repeated the question._

_Her eyes filled with tears as she looked at the ring that he was holding out toward her. It was beautiful; simple, yet elegant. She wondered how long he'd been planning this. "Can I ask you something? Was this spur of the moment because of the D.C. job?"_

"_I bought the ring right after the bomb scare. Living through that made me see that I don't want a life without you in it."_

"_Rick, I'm not ready to say yes just yet. Can you hold onto the ring for me?" He looked so crushed as he slowly put the ring in his pants pocket and stood up. "Please don't be angry, Castle."_

That had been a month before. While he'd been understandably upset for several days, he'd gradually come to realize that she'd told him that she just needed time. She hadn't flat out told him 'no.'

Besides, she had other things to consider besides Castle and his proposal. It seemed that everybody and their brother were anxious for her decision regarding the job in D.C. She sat in her apartment one night weighing the pros and cons, like her father had always told her as she was growing up. She made her final decision the night before Castle was scheduled to leave for the Hamptons with Martha and Alexis.

"_Where's your mother and Alexis?" She asked as Castle let her into the loft._

"_They left earlier today. I told them that I'd drive up there tomorrow. Are you sure that you can't join us for our first weekend?"_

"_I'd love to, but I have so much paperwork to catch up on. Plus, I have to go to court next week, so I have to prepare for that. I'll try to come up next weekend," she got up and walked into the kitchen._

_Castle noticed that she seemed nervous, but he wasn't sure why. He wondered if she'd come to a decision about the job offer in D.C. "Kate, are you okay?" He finally asked._

"_Castle, ask me again," she looked at him as he looked puzzled. "The ring. Ask me again."_

"_Are you sure?"_

"_I'm very sure," she smiled._

"_Hold on. I'll be right back," he hurried out of the room before returning seconds later with his hand closed tight over the ring and a huge smile on his face. He entered the kitchen and once again got down on one knee as her eyes filled with tears. "Katherine Houghton Beckett, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?"_

"_Yes," she whispered as tears spilled down her cheeks as he slid the ring onto her left hand as she helped him to his feet as she cupped his face in her hands and kissed him, his tears of joy mingling with hers. _

"_What about D.C.?"_

"_I turned them down," she wrapped her arms around him as they shared a tender kiss. "My place is right here with you and my team."_

She smiled as she remembered the tenderness of that night. After she'd accepted his proposal, he'd swept her into his arms and had carried her off to bed. It had been long after midnight they finally fell back, exhausted, in Castle's bed.

"_So, when do you want to get married?" She held her hand up to admire her ring._

"_May 7__th__ of next year," he said without thinking._

"_May 7__th__?"_

"_May 7__th__ was the night that you showed up on my doorstep looking like a drowned rat telling me that you just wanted me."_

"_You're so sentimental, Castle," she smiled in the darkness._

"_Would you like a big fancy wedding or something simpler?"_

_She propped herself up on one elbow so that she could see his face. "Well, you're my one and done, Castle. I don't necessarily need all of the bells and whistles like Ryan and Jenny had, but I was thinking that we could get married in the Hamptons. Make a huge event out of it."_

"_So, you have no problem with our wedding being plastered all over Page 6?"_

"_Just this once I won't mind sharing us with the rest of the world."_

She wondered how he'd take this latest wrinkle. It wasn't like they hadn't talked about it. But, to have it happening now? She'd been on the pill since she was 17 years old. Of course she knew that nothing was 100 percent effective. She ran her hand over her still flat stomach and thought about how she was going to tell Castle.

"I thought I heard you come in," Castle came out of his office where he'd been working on the latest chapter of his newest _Nikki Heat _book. "Did you get your errands done?" He walked over and kissed her.

"Yeah."

"Are you hungry? I was thinking that we could order Chinese or Thai," he went to the kitchen to get something to drink.

The thought of food suddenly made her feel nauseous. "I'm not hungry."

"Are you okay?" He turned from the refrigerator to look at her.

"I'm fine, I'm just not very hungry right now."

"I could always whip something up later. Some pancakes or maybe an omelet," he suggested as he continued watching her. Something wasn't quite right with her. He'd sensed it for days now.

While she wasn't a morning person until after she'd had her first cup of coffee, lately it had been nearly impossible to rouse her from sleep when the alarm went off. Even at work she seemed unfocused and half-asleep most of the time. "I'm going to go take a shower," she suddenly announced as she went toward his bedroom.

He frowned as he watched her leave the room. He wondered if she was sick. Lately she looked so pale even after spending a recent weekend with him at the house in the Hamptons. Usually after a day spent on the beach, her skin glowed with a bronze tint that he found irresistible. Instead her skin still had that winter pallor to it.

He went to his bedroom to see if maybe she needed someone to wash her back. However, when he entered the room, he heard the sound of Kate being violently ill in the bathroom. "Kate!" He called out.

"I'll be out in a few minutes!" She called out from behind the closed door.

Instead of leaving, he opened the bathroom door and barged in, striding over to where she was hunched over in front of the toilet, her body heaving as nothing else came up. He reached up to his linen shelf and removed a washcloth, which he soaked in cold water. He knelt down and placed the cloth on the back of her neck as she took some deep breaths. "Are you done?" He asked as he kept the cloth pressed to her neck.

"I think so," she breathed as he reached out to flush the toilet before helping her to her feet. She walked over to the sink on unsteady legs as he kept a hand on her elbow to assist her. Cupping cold water in her hands, she rinsed her mouth out and brushed her teeth as she continued taking slow breaths to fight down the nausea that was still bubbling in her stomach.

"Come on, let me help you to bed and I'll get you some ginger ale," he guided her to the bedroom where he turned back the covers and helped her get settled. He removed her shoes as he pulled the covers over her. "Keep that cloth on your neck. I'll be back in a few minutes."

"Castle?" She called out as he turned in the doorway.

"What do you need?"

"We need to talk," she sighed wearily as she closed her eyes.

Castle went into the kitchen and pulled a glass down before filling it with ginger ale. Kate's eyes were still closed as he placed the glass on the night stand by the bed. He sat down and brushed a gentle hand on her forehead as she opened her eyes and gave him a tired smile.

"You don't have a fever," he commented as he continued stroking her forehead. "Did you eat something that didn't agree with you?"

"Not exactly," she reached up to still his hand. "Castle, the errand that I had today . . . was with my OB/GYN. Castle, I'm pregnant."

Castle's whole face lit up in the biggest grin she'd ever seen on his face since she'd known him. The look could only be described as pure, unadulterated joy. "You're pregnant? We're having a baby? How . . . how did this happen?"

"If you don't know the 'how' by now, then we need to have a serious talk. I know it's a little sudden, but—"

"So, I guess it means that when we get married next May, we'll have a baby in tow," he grinned as she couldn't help but get caught up in his excitement. "Do you know when we're due?"

"The doctor said I'm only about six or seven weeks along, so she's given me a tentative date of late February or early March. She said she should know more in a month or so. I think it happened after your original proposal."

"When can we tell everybody? Just think our kid and Kevin's kid can play together when they get older," he said, referring to Detective Kevin Ryan, who was expecting his first child at the end of the year.

"Castle, it's early. I've heard that it's bad luck to say anything until after the first trimester. Please don't say anything, yet. Not even to your mother or Alexis."

"So, we can plan on telling everybody around Labor Day?" He looked at her as she nodded. "I can't believe that I actually knocked you up!"

"Castle!" She pretended to scold him as he wrapped her into his arms as he smothered her face with kisses. "Try to cheer up about it, would you?"

"How do you feel about it?" He rose up to look into her eyes.

She gave him an enigmatic little smile as she thought about it. "I think I'm still in shock. I thought that I had everything covered."

"Are you sorry that it happened?" He looked slightly worried.

"No, I'm not sorry. I would've preferred to wait a little while, but seeing how happy you are makes it so worth it," she smiled as he gave her that huge grin again.

"How are you feeling?" He asked, as his eyes radiated his concern for her.

"I'm a little tired," she smiled.

"Why don't you get some rest and I'll whip up some comfort food that won't upset your stomach any further?" He kissed her forehead as he got up and patted the blanket over her still flat tummy.

"You're not going to start calling my stomach by silly names, are you, Castle? Because if you start doing that, I might have to take out my gun and shoot you," she threatened.

"No silly names, I promise," he kissed her. "I'll bring you something to eat in just a few minutes."

She rolled onto her side, smiling broadly as she put her hand on her stomach, still finding it hard to believe that there was a new life growing in there. She wondered if Castle had been that excited over Alexis' impending arrival. She knew that she couldn't have picked a better man to be the father of her child. At times, he acted like a big overgrown kid himself. She closed her eyes as she thought of this small miracle. She wondered who the baby would look like. Thinking of things like that, she drifted off to sleep.

When Castle entered the bedroom 20 minutes later carrying a tray holding tomato soup, and a grilled cheese sandwich, he paused by her side of the bed as he watched her sleep, that same Mona Lisa smile still on her face. Sensing that she was being watched, she opened her eyes. "Watching me sleep is creepy, Castle," she told him as he put the tray down on the night stand.

"I brought you some soup and grilled cheese," he informed her as she sat up and he placed the tray across her lap.

"This is perfect. Thank you," she said as she began to eat. "Can I ask you a question?"

"What's on your mind?"

"Were you this excited when you learned that Meredith was pregnant with Alexis?"

"Once I got used to the idea, I was very excited."

"I think you've perfected the art of the oops," she grinned at him, referring to the fact that Alexis had been unplanned, also.

"But, look how great Alexis turned out. If this baby turns out even half as great as Alexis, it's going to be great. I can't get over how happy I am right now, Kate. Words can't even describe it. Right now I want to go on the rooftop and shout it out or go to Times Square and announce it on the billboard."

Tears leaked from her eyes at his heartfelt words. She wiped at her face with shaking fingers. "Wow, Castle. You're either getting incredibly sappy or I am."

"It's pregnancy hormones," he told her. "Before it's all said and done, you're going to think that you're losing your mind."

"What're you talking about?"

"Ask your doctor. Or we can go look it up on the Internet right now. Are you done?" He nodded toward her tray.

"Yeah," she nodded as he picked up the tray.

After he left with the tray, she got out of bed and made her way to the living room. "When Meredith was pregnant, she'd burst into tears if I even looked at her the wrong way," he smiled at her. "I was a slave to her hormones for the entire pregnancy."

"You're already a slave to me," she whispered as he fought back a groan at the look in her eyes.

"Yes, I am. To your incredible charms," he whispered back as she rolled her eyes.

She went and retrieved her ginger ale from the bedroom as he poured himself a glass of wine. Afterwards he took Kate by the hand and led her over to his desk where he booted up his laptop. Perching her on his lap, he did a Google search for pregnancy websites. For the next two hours they read everything they could find about hormones, what she should be eating, exercise, sex. "Castle, there's no way that you're going to want me when I'm as big as a whale," she complained as he kissed her neck.

"The last time Meredith and I had sex was four days before Alexis was born," he nuzzled her skin between her neck and her collarbone as shivers went down her spine.

"I don't want to hear about sex between you and your ex-wife, Castle," she warned him.

"Just don't tell me that I'm not going to want you," he pulled her against his chest as she rested her head on his shoulder.

"What time is it?" She yawned as she buried her nose in his neck, inhaling his scent.

"Almost nine."

"I'm feeling a little tired. I think I'm going to go take a shower and go to bed. Are you coming?" She asked as she climbed off of his lap.

"Yeah, I'll be right there," he said as he shut down the computer and closed the lid.

When she came out of the shower a short time later, he was lying in bed waiting for her. He smiled as she approached the bed, wearing one of his football jerseys and a pair of panties. She climbed into bed as he pulled the covers over her. "Did you use that cherry body wash again? You know what that stuff does to me," he growled as he rolled them so that he was propped up over her, his eyes dark blue with desire.

"You're actually going to use what kind of body wash I used tonight as an excuse? Castle, I look into your eyes when I'm working on reports and can tell that you want to drag me into the supply room and fuck me silly."

"Am I that obvious?" He feigned shock as she started laughing.

"Castle, I'm a detective, remember? I know all of your tells, just like you know all of mine. But, I thought that you might want to celebrate."

"But, for the record, I don't have any intention of fucking you silly," he said, quoting her. "I intend to very slowly and very tenderly, make love to you."

"I'm on board for that," she smiled up at him as his mouth came down on hers for a long tender kiss.

His lips were scorching hot as they brushed her jaw, her throat, the sensitive spot behind her ear before moving back to her lips. His teeth gently nipped her bottom lip as she opened her mouth to his seeking tongue. She moaned as he kissed her hungrily, his tongue seeming to be everywhere. She swiped her own tongue along his as he growled into her mouth. His breathing was harsh as he once again began making his way down her body, gently nibbling on her collarbone as he reached under her nightshirt and up to caress her breasts. "Castle," she breathed as she felt her nipple harden under his fingers.

He lifted the hem of her shirt and raised it up and over her head as she rose up to ease its removal. His eyes glittered with desire as he admired her naked torso. Even her scars didn't mar her beauty. He lightly trailed his finger from her throat down to the top of her panties as she bit back a whimper. He then repeated the same move in reverse. He moved down to cover her breast with his mouth as her breath hitched in her throat. She held his head tighter to her as he flicked the erect bud with his tongue, feeling it get even more erect under his ministrations. He then moved to her other nipple as she writhed under him.

She reached for him, stroking him through his boxers as it was his turn for his breath to hitch. She wrapped her hand around him and stroked him, letting her thumb brush against his velvety tip on the down stroke. "Fuck, Kate," he breathed against her breast as he brushed his hand down her stomach, rubbing it lightly as he thought of the life that was now sleeping inside of her. After rubbing small concentric circles on her stomach, he moved his hand between her legs, touching her through her panties as she let out a sharp cry.

"Castle, I want you," she breathed as she stilled the hand that was touching her. "Please."

Sliding her panties down her legs before shedding his boxers, he positioned himself above her, aligning their bodies perfectly as he slid into smooth, velvety warmth with one thrust. She wrapped herself around him as she moved her hips in time to his. "I'm so close, Castle. So fucking close," she panted into his neck as he tilted her hips up, changing the angle of the penetration as she cried out his name as she came completely undone.

Hearing her scream out his name repeatedly as she tightened around him was all the incentive that he needed. He thrust into her a couple of more times as he spilled his seed into her, growling her name the entire time.

She groaned in disappointment when she felt him slip out of her before he rolled over to the other side of the bed and pulled her into the circle of his arms. "I love you, Kate," he whispered as he snuggled her closer to him.

"Love you, too," she murmured sleepily as her breathing evened out and she fell fast asleep.

As he held her before he too fell asleep, he couldn't help but think about this new chapter in their lives. He went to sleep dreaming of a baby girl with Kate's brilliant smile and huge green eyes. He had no idea that he was soon to learn a harsh lesson about being careful what you wish for.


	2. Chapter 2--Changes and The Secret is Out

**Disclaimers: No, Mr. Marlowe still has not turned the show over to me.**

**Summary: While Kate tries to deal with the changes that are going on in her body due to the pregnancy, Castle struggles to keep their news a secret from everybody, without much success, as the dominoes start to fall.**

**A/N #1: I'm going to try to add as much humor as I can to this chapter because the next chapter the world is going to go to crash in on our favorite couple.**

**A/N #2: While my other fan fiction is also a crime show, it's from a different era where not as much detail went into the crimes. I'm able to write about bad guys for that show, but I'm not even going to try to write crime scenarios for 'Castle.' I'm not sure I could give the crime scenes the justice that they deserve. So, while I'll write scenes at the precinct or the morgue, it's just to include the boys, Capt. Gates and Lanie into the mix.**

**A/N #3: I put the scene with Kate visiting her mother's gravesite because I do believe that every woman needs her mother when she's expecting a baby. I think Kate would be missing her badly at this time.**

Chapter 2: Changes and The Secret is Out

"I don't understand why they call it morning sickness," Kate was complaining to her doctor on a warm June morning. "I get sick between four and six o'clock every afternoon."

"Morning sickness is just an expression for it because that seems to be when most mothers-to-be experience the nausea and the vomiting," Dr. Caldwell smiled. "It usually eases up by the end of the third month."

"What causes it?"

"Hormonal changes in the body. Right now your body thinks that the baby is an invader. Your hormone levels increase and cause the nausea. How have you been feeling other than getting sick every afternoon?"

"Tired," she sighed. "Sometimes I'm so tired that I can't keep my eyes opened. I've almost fallen asleep at work a couple of times. I think my captain is getting suspicious."

"So, you haven't told anybody?"

"I want to wait. I've heard that it's bad luck to say something before the third month."

"That's an old wives tale, Kate. My husband and I told everybody as soon as I learned that I was pregnant with both of my kids and everything turned out fine. Are you really worried about what your friends and co-workers will think?"

"Why would I be worried? Everybody knows that Castle and I are getting married. It isn't like this is the 1940's and I'm going to be shipped off to have my baby in secret."

"Have you talked to your therapist since learning that you were pregnant?"

"Why? Are you thinking that having a baby could trigger my PTSD?"

"No, but I think that you have some conflicting emotions regarding this pregnancy."

"I'm not conflicted," she argued.

"Yeah, you are," the doctor argued back. "You're a control freak, Kate. I've been your doctor since you were 21 years old and you've always been a control freak. Being pregnant means that you're not the one in control, any longer. The baby is."

"What can I do about the morning, excuse me, the afternoon sickness, and the fatigue?" She asked, changing the subject.

"Try to keep some crackers with you. They'll help with the nausea. As for the fatigue, maybe you should consider cutting your hours back," Kate shook her head at that suggestion, "or take a short nap in the afternoons. How's the proud papa?"

Kate rolled her eyes. "He's about to burst holding in the news. Other than that, he's been really sweet."

"From what you've told me, I'd expect nothing less. So, if I see something in the middle of Times Square, I'll know who it's from?" Dr. Caldwell smiled as Kate chuckled.

"He threatened to do that the day that I told him. He wanted to come with me today, but I told him that there wasn't any reason to."

"A lot of fathers come to every appointment. There's nothing wrong with that."

"So, do you have any advice?"

"Just keep doing when you've been doing. Get plenty of rest, exercise in moderation, eat healthy, and get used to having a tiny invader residing inside of you for the next seven and a half months."

"You make this baby sound like something out of 'Alien.'"

"There are times when that's how you're going to feel."

***CCC***

At the 12th precinct, Ryan and Esposito were tying up loose ends with cases as Castle wandered around, fidgeting nervously. The two detectives exchanged looks with each other before looking toward their friend, and sometime partner-in-crime. "Yo!" Esposito called out. "Castle, what's with you? It's not like Beckett hasn't been out of the precinct before."

"What's going on with her, anyway?" Kevin Ryan asked. "I came back yesterday and found her asleep at her desk. The Beckett that I know _never _falls asleep at her desk."

"She hasn't been sleeping well," Castle lied, as he stared at the two men, who were obviously not buying one word of his story.

Why had Kate been so insistent on keeping their pregnancy news a secret? She worked with men who interrogated murder suspects for a living. They knew exactly how to extract information out of anybody they wanted. The looks that they were giving him told him that they were getting ready to drag him into the box and get the information out of him.

"She hasn't been sleeping well?" Espo looked dubious as he folded his arms over his chest. "Bro, that's the lamest story I've ever heard in my life."

Ryan watched Castle as he wondered what the novelist was hiding. Something was definitely going on that he didn't want either of them to know about. Whatever it was had to be serious. "Hey Castle? Beckett isn't sick, is she?"

"No, she's fine. You can ask her yourself," he nodded toward the elevator as Kate strode off and walked toward her desk. "How was your appointment?" He whispered as she shot him a look warning him to be quiet.

"Beckett, are you feeling okay?" Ryan asked as Kate turned to face him.

"I'm fine. What're you boys working on?" She changed the subject.

"We finished up the reports for the Peterman case and everything's ready when you go to court next week on the Windham case," Espo handed her the two case files.

"Thank, Espo. I owe you one or two," she smiled.

"Just take care of yourself and we'll call it even," he said as he went back to his desk.

"Castle, what's going on with those two?" She hissed as her fiancé.

"Nothing," he shrugged as she glared at him.

"Castle," she repeated his name in that tone that told him that she was getting pissed.

"Come on, let me get you some tea," he got up and walked toward the break room as she got up to follow him.

"Tea? Did he really just say tea?" Espo looked at his partner, who turned to stare at Castle and Beckett as they walked toward the break room. "Something's going on with her, bro."

Ryan walked into the break room where Castle was standing with Kate as she made herself a cup of tea. "So, when are you due?" Ryan came straight out with it as Castle and Kate looked as if they'd just gotten busted committing a major crime.

"What're you talking about, Ryan?"

"Beckett . . . Kate . . . I'm a homicide detective and an expectant father. I've seen all of this before," the Irishman smiled. "The sleepiness, these unexplained errands, you're drinking tea. You live on coffee, Beckett. The only tea I've ever seen you drink is iced tea. So again, when are you due?"

"March," Kate whispered as her face flushed crimson. "Ryan, you can't say anything. If it gets back to Gates . . . "

"They're not going to pull you away from your job, Beckett. It's a condition, not a disease. Let me at least tell Espo."

"So that he can tell Lanie? No!" Kate hissed at him.

"I've never had to keep secrets from him. Hell, I can't keep secrets away from anybody, remember?" He asked, referring to him rescuing her from the rooftop that Maddox had thrown her off of.

"Oh my God," Kate rubbed her face wearily. "I can't do this."

"You can't do what? What're you talking about, Kate?" Castle asked as he looked to Kevin for assistance.

"I can't juggle all of this. How can I be expected to be a mother and a cop?" She asked as she fled from the room.

"I know all about the mood swings, dude," Ryan smiled ruefully at Castle. "Sometimes I feel like I'm living with that girl from 'The Exorcist.' Go take care of her and I'll tell Espo something."

Castle found Kate sitting in the corner of the supply room with her knees drawn up to her chest. "I have a lot of fantasies about bringing you in here, but this isn't exactly what I had in mind," he sat down on the floor beside her.

"Castle, what if they all know and something goes wrong?"

"They're our friends, our family. They deserve to know. Don't you want them to share in our happiness?"

"Castle, the only person I really want to share this with besides your mother, Alexis, and my father isn't here," she leaned her head against his shoulder.

"Kate, I wish that she could be with you right now," he wrapped his arm around her.

"I miss her so much, Castle," she sobbed against him.

Out in the squad room, Ryan took his seat back at his desk as Espo looked at him expectantly. "So, is she okay, bro?"

Kevin turned around toward his partner with a huge smile on his face. "She's more than okay. Espo, they're having a baby."

"They're what?" Espo was shocked. "Where are they now?"

"Pregnancy hormones," Kevin smiled. "Believe me, I'm used to it. I had no idea that I'd have to deal with them from the boss, as well."

Back in the supply room, Castle and Kate were still sitting on the floor in comfortable silence. "So, I guess we should do up to the Hamptons and tell Alexis and your mother," she finally said after several minutes.

"Well, we were planning on going up there for the Fourth of July weekend, anyway," he reminded her. "That's next week. Our news can wait that long. We can invite your dad for dinner tonight if you'd like. That way at least somebody in our immediate family knows."

"I'm sorry, Castle. They deserved to know first," she smiled.

"Hey, you work with homicide detectives. You had to know that they'd figure it out."

"We'd better get back," she said. "Help me up, Castle."

Later that afternoon, Lanie called Kate to the morgue with lab results on one of their murder victims. Stepping into the familiar room, she immediately felt nauseous. She tried to fight down the bile rising in her throat, but instead she turned and bolted from the room, leaving Lanie looking perplexed. She'd known Kate Beckett for years and had never once seen her run out of the morgue before. "Girl, are you okay? You look positively green," Lanie commented when she came back into the room.

"What do you have, Lanie?" Kate whispered as she tried to fight down more nausea.

"Uh-uh," the medical examiner shook her head. "You first. Spill, Kate Beckett, or I'll go upstairs and ask Writer-Boy, who we all know can't keep a secret for shit."

Kate took a deep breath as she looked at the best friend that she had besides Castle. "I'm pregnant, Lanie."

"Girl, you and Writer-Boy didn't waste any time getting to work on those little Castle babies, did you?" She rushed up and hugged Kate tightly as she felt the detective crying in her arms. "Hey, what's wrong? Why are you crying?"

"This is all I seem to do, anymore," Kate pulled away and wiped at her eyes. "I feel like my life has turned into a Nicholas Sparks novel."

"Mood swings," Lanie shook her head. "My sister would be the sweetest, most reasonable person on the face of the earth one second, and then, I'd swear that I was in the same room with a serial killer."

"We haven't even told our families, yet, and all of you guys now know."

"Then you know what you have to do," her friend looked at her sagely. "You get your phone out, call Castle's mother in the Hamptons and your dad at his office. Invite them all to dinner and tell them that you and Writer-Boy have news. Unlike most of your other issues, you're not going to be able to hide this one for too long."

When Kate went back upstairs, she pulled her phone from her belt and looked up Martha's number in her contacts. After her and Castle had officially come out as a couple, she'd added both Castle's mother and Alexis to the contacts on her phone, while Castle had added her father. "Hello, Katherine," Martha's cheerful voice came over the line. "When can we expect you and Richard up here?"

Kate smiled. Martha was the only person besides her late mother who called her by her given name. "We'll be up there next week for the holiday weekend, but that's not why I'm calling."

"Is everything all right?"

"Everything's fine. I was just wondering if you and Alexis could come back into the city tomorrow evening for dinner? Rick and I have something that we need to talk to you about."

"That sounds serious. Are you sure that everything's all right? The two of you haven't had a fight, have you?"

"No, we're fine," Kate smiled. "I'm inviting my dad, as well."

"What time, dear?"

"Six o'clock?" Kate suggested.

"We'll be there," Martha promised as they ended the call.

***CCC***

At the Hampton house, Martha frowned as she got off of the phone after talking to Kate. She walked out to the pool area where Alexis was relaxing on a lounger, her iPod firmly plugged into her ears and her e-reader opened in her hands. She looked up when she felt her grandmother's hand on her arm. "Gram, is something wrong?" The young woman sat up as the ear buds fell into her lap.

"Kate just called. She wants us to come into the city tomorrow evening for dinner. She's invited her father, also. She said that her and your father have something that they need to tell us."

"I hope that they haven't decided to elope," Alexis commented as she turned off her e-reader.

"Oh, I don't think so," Martha scoffed at the suggestion. "Kate told me that she has the whole wedding scenario mapped out in her head. That includes her father giving her away. You don't get that experience at the JP's office."

"But sometimes if you get too jittery, you just want to get married and get it over with. That happened to one of my friends. She said that her mother was driving her crazy with wedding plans, so one day they just slipped off and eloped."

"Your friends are too young to be thinking about getting married. We're not driving Kate too crazy, are we?"

"Gram, when they announced their engagement to us, we went out and bought every bridal magazine that we could find. I'd find that a little annoying."

"I wonder if Kate could be . . . no," Martha shook her head at the idea that was going through her head.

"You wonder if Kate could be what?"

"I guess that we'll find out what their news is tomorrow night when we go to dinner," the older woman said instead as she went back into the house.

Alexis shook her head as she watched her grandmother go into the house. She loved her father very much, and while she wasn't quite on that page with Kate just yet, she respected her a great deal. She'd told her father several months before that he needed to explore the next chapters in his love story with the detective. He'd taken part one of her advice and had asked her to marry him. Alexis wondered if the news had anything to do with chapter two. Having babies. The thought of possibly being a big sister made her smile.

***CCC***

"So, why are you here?" Kate's therapist, Dr. Burke, asked from his chair. The young woman had been seeing him off and on for over two years. Lately it had been more off than on as she finally seemed to be controlling the demons that had been a part of her life for so long.

"Dr. Caldwell suggested that I might want to talk to you. Castle and I are having a baby," she came right out with the news as the therapist watched her carefully.

"Is this where I say congratulations?" He continued watching her.

"Yeah, you can say congratulations," she couldn't help the smile that came across her face.

"Then, congratulations. But what does that have to do with why you're here?"

"She accused me of being a control freak. She told me that I'm not in control anymore."

"No, you're not. In fact, you're never going to be the one calling the shots ever again."

"I keep having these mood swings," she sighed. "My co-workers all know about the baby, except for my captain."

"What about your families?"

"Castle's family is coming into town from the Hamptons tomorrow night for dinner. I've left a message for my dad and I'm waiting for him to call me back."

"How do you feel about the situation?"

"Out of control," she admitted with a chuckle.

"That's not what I mean, and you know it. How do you feel about becoming a mother?"

"Scared. Overjoyed. Scared, again. I get scared to death a hundred times a day. I keep asking myself if I can juggle being a mom and a homicide detective."

"Women have been working and caring for their children since the dawn of time, Kate. You're not any better or any worse than any of them."

"Will being pregnant set off my PTSD?"

"It shouldn't. How has that been going, by the way?"

"Sometimes I'm okay. I still have a lot of nightmares, but they're getting better."

"What about loud noises?"

"I startle, but I can keep it under control."

"So, how does Castle feel about the baby?"

"He wanted to write an announcement in Times Square," she smiled before the smile faded and tears sprang to her eyes.

"Your mother's going to be there for you in spirit, Kate," Dr. Burke guessed what his patient was thinking. "You're going to be an amazing mother."

"I hope so," she breathed as she wiped at her eyes.

***CCC***

Before going back to the loft, Kate stopped by the cemetery to visit her mother's grave. Since learning that she was pregnant, she found herself missing her mother more than ever. After all, every woman wants her mother around when she's going to have a baby. She walked to the headstone on automatic pilot. She'd been here so many times that she knew the way with her eyes closed. She stopped in front of the large marble headstone with her mother's name, dates of her birth and her death and the three words in Latin engraved on it. "I miss you, mom," tears leaked from her eyes. "You're going to be a grandma," she smiled. "I'm hoping to tell dad soon. He's going to be so excited. I know that he'll want the baby to be named for you if it's a girl. I think Johanna Beckett Castle has a great ring to it. Castle even agrees with me. You'd love him so much, mom. He's so sweet and so funny. He used to drive me completely crazy, but somehow I fell for him. He's the one who helped me to solve your murder. He's such a romantic. He picked our wedding date to be the anniversary of when we made love for the first time. Everybody tells me that you're with me, and sometimes I feel that. But, I'm going to miss having you around for all of the questions that every girl wants to ask her mother when she's having a baby," she touched the headstone lightly with her fingers as she fought back more tears. "I love you and I'll kiss dad for you when I see him."

***CCC***

Kate's cell phone rang as she was entering the loft. She smiled when she saw her father's face on the screen. "Hi, dad," she greeted him as she closed the door behind her.

"I got your message. What's going on, Katie?"

"I was just wondering if you were free tomorrow night," she smiled when Castle came out of his office. "Martha and Alexis are going to be here for dinner at six. Castle and I have some news."

"You two aren't planning on running off to Las Vegas to get married, are you, Katie? I'm going to be very disappointed if I can't give my only daughter away."

"No, dad. We're not running off," she continued smiling as Castle came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into him.

"In that case, I would love to have dinner with you and Castle's family tomorrow night. Should I bring anything?"

"No. We'll see you tomorrow evening, I love you, dad."

"I love you too, bug."

"So, you talked to my mother?" Castle kissed her neck as she melted into his embrace.

"I didn't want to wait a week, Castle. Especially when everybody at the 12th now seems to know."

"Gates doesn't know," he pointed out.

"And I'd really like to keep it that way."

Later that evening, he was sitting at the desk in the living room working on his novel as the TV droned in the background. He looked over at the couch and smiled at the sight of Kate, curled up in the corner, sound asleep, with her book opened at her side.

Kate woke up when she sensed that she was being watched. She opened her eyes to find Castle kneeling in front of her. "I'm such lousy company," she yawned as she struggled to sit up.

"The sleepiness will let up soon," he kissed her softly.

"I'm going to bed," she closed her book and rose to her feet.

"I'll be there soon," he kissed her on the forehead as she practically staggered toward the bedroom.

Sometime later that night, she smiled as she felt herself enfolded into Castle's arms, as his hand lightly rested against her stomach. She placed her hand over his, feeling his hand curl around her fingers as she drifted back to sleep.

***CCC***

Kate was in the kitchen checking on various items that she had cooking on the stove. It was quarter to six, and fortunately she'd already suffered through her bout of afternoon sickness. "Castle, do you want to open up the wine so that it can breathe?" She called out to her fiancé, who was in the middle of his latest exploits with Det. Heat and Rook. "Castle!"

"You called?" He came out of his office, smiling sheepishly.

"Can you please open up the wine so that it can breathe?" She repeated her request as he took the bottle of wine and a corkscrew, expertly opening the bottle.

The three members of their prospective families arrived right on time. After chit-chatting for a bit, they all sat down to the dinner that Kate had prepared. "Kate, you're getting to be as good a cook as your mother was," Jim Beckett praised his daughter as she shyly smiled.

"Well, I did learn from the best," she took a sip of her water.

"So, what's planned on the Hamptons for the Fourth?" Rick asked as he looked at his mother.

"I heard that there's going to be a huge fireworks display on the beach," Alexis chirped in excitement.

"There's always a huge fireworks display on the beach," her father reminded her.

"Not as big as this one's rumored to be."

"Jim, you should join us," Rick extended an invitation. "There's nothing more beautiful or more patriotic than watching fireworks explode over the Atlantic."

"Dad, you should come," Kate told her father. "There's plenty of room."

"Well, I do have some work to catch up on, but I'll see if I can at least join you for the actual holiday."

After dinner, Kate looked expectantly at Castle as he took her hand and squeezed it reassuringly. "Why don't we all go into the living room?" He suggested as he led Kate into the room.

"Richard, what's going on?" Martha asked, wearing a worried expression as she watched her only child with his fiancée. "Is somebody sick?"

"Not exactly, mother," Rick smiled as he glanced at Kate, giving her a dazzling smile before facing their family once again. "Kate and I are expecting a baby."

"I knew it!" Alexis shrieked as she jumped up from the sofa and ran over, fiercely embracing first her father, and then Kate, before grabbing her father once again.

"Richard, that's wonderful," Martha came over, where much to his surprise, she hugged Kate first. "You couldn't have picked a better father."

"I know," Kate hugged Martha back.

"Congratulations, Richard," Martha wrapped her arms around her son and held him tightly.

Kate smiled at her father as he walked toward her with tears shining in his eyes. "So, my baby's going to make me a grandfather," he pulled her into his arms. "I'm so happy right now, Katie."

"Me too, dad," she pulled away from him and wiped her eyes.

"Rick, congratulations," he held his hand out as Rick reached out and embraced his future father-in-law.

As Kate looked around the room at her dad as well as her new family, she felt extremely happy, but at the same time she also felt the loss of her mother as deeply as if her murder had just happened the day before. But, as Dr. Burke had told her that afternoon, she knew that Johanna Beckett was there with her in spirit.

**A/N: The next few chapters are going to go in a decidedly different direction, so be warned. **


	3. Chapter 3--Heartbreak and Loss

**Disclaimers: 'Castle' belongs to Andrew W. Marlowe and his extremely talented brain. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Summary: Kate and Castle suffer a devastating loss that throws both of them into the depths of despair.**

**A/N: Miscarriage is a devastating loss for any woman, but I'm also going to explore how the loss of a child would affect Castle, who on the one hand, longs to comfort Kate, but might be too much of a man to admit that he might need some comforting, too.**

Chapter 3: Heartbreak and Loss

"So, where are you and Mr. Castle doing for the holiday weekend?" Capt. Gates asked as she sat down in Castle's empty chair.

"Well, after I get home this afternoon, we're going to head for his house in the Hamptons. There's a big fireworks show tomorrow night. My father's joining us, so we're going to make a family weekend out of it. What're you planning on for the holiday, sir?"

"A cookout with my in-laws," the captain rolled her eyes at the idea. "It doesn't sound like it's going to be nearly as pleasant as your weekend's going to be. Enjoy your weekend, detective."

"Thank you, sir. You, too," Kate stood up and stretched as she made sure that everything was in order before she left for home.

The boys had already left for the day, but Kate had some things to wrap up before she felt comfortable leaving. Castle had an afternoon meeting at Black Pawn, so they were going to meet up at the loft later. She had a sudden craving for a cheeseburger. She took out her phone and texted Castle. **'Meet me at Remy's when you get out of your meeting. I want a cheeseburger and a shake.'**

***CCC***

Castle was sitting in his meeting feeling bored out of his mind as Gina went on and on about his latest novel. He felt his phone vibrate against his hip as he pulled it from his pocket. He smiled when he read Kate's message. 'And, so the food cravings begin,' he whispered as he suddenly saw Gina watching him curiously.

"Trouble at home?" His ex inquired sweetly as she smirked at him.

"No, but I should answer this," he typed in a quick response. **'I'll meet you there as soon as this meeting ends. ILY.'**

Kate was waiting impatiently at their favorite burger joint, Remy's, when Castle walked in. She beamed as he walked over and kissed her. "Did you order?"

"I was waiting for you. I want the usual, Castle," she told him as he gave her a lopsided grin before walking up to the counter to place their order. He came back minutes later with their shakes. "How was your meeting with your ex?"

"Extremely boring," he yawned to empathize his point. "After the first few words, she sounded amazingly like that teacher in the 'Charlie Brown' cartoons."

"So, are we going to head to the Hamptons after dinner?" She asked as a server brought their food over.

"As soon as we get home, we'll grab our bags and hit the road. My Ferrari at 90 miles per hour should put us at the house by 8:30 or so."

"Uh Castle, you're carrying an extra passenger now, so you might want to stop playing Speed Racer," she reminded him.

He gave her that same lopsided grin as he ate a French fry. "When are you going to tell Gates about our situation?"

"Soon, I guess. As Lanie pointed out to me, I'm not going to be able to hide it for very long."

"You're going to look so cute," he couldn't help the grin that refused to leave his face. It threatened to almost split his face in two. "I mean, not that you're not cute now—"

"Castle, stop speaking before you dig that hole so deep that you can never get out of it."

"So, what do you want to do this weekend besides watch fireworks?" He asked, changing the subject.

"Oh, I don't know," she reached for his hand as he curved his fingers around hers. "I'd like to walk on the beach, play in the waves if the water's not too cold—"

"Which it probably will be," he pointed out.

"—Make love and stay in bed late in the morning. You know the usual stuff we do when we go to the Hamptons. Why? Did you have something else in mind?"

"No, that's the stuff that I want to do, too."

It was close to nine o'clock by the time Castle's Ferrari roared up into the driveway of his Hamptons home. Kate was asleep with her head against the passenger side window. He hated to wake her, but he knew she'd hate it if he played caveman and carried her inside. "Kate?" He gently shook her shoulder as she groaned and shoved his hand away. "Beckett!" He said a little louder as she opened her sleepy eyes and turned toward the sound of his voice. "We're home."

When they walked into the house, it was quiet. Both Martha and Alexis had friends in the community, so Castle wasn't alarmed to find the house empty. "Where is everybody?" Kate asked as she suddenly clutched Castle's arm.

"Are you okay?" He asked, noticing that she looked white as a sheet. "Kate?"

"I think I'm still half-asleep. I just got a little disoriented for a second. I think I'm going upstairs to bed."

"Okay, let me text Alexis and let her know that we're here and I'll be right up," he watched her as she started up the stairs to the bedroom that they now shared.

When he entered their bedroom 45 minutes later, Kate was under the blankets, curled up tightly. After taking a shower and donning his usual t-shirt and boxers, he got into bed beside her. She rolled over and cuddled against him as he slipped his arm around her. "Did you let 'Lexis know that we're here?" She mumbled sleepily.

"Yeah, she's at a friend's house. Mother is visiting one of her friends, also. They should be home soon. Go back to sleep."

The next morning Kate woke up and reached for Castle, only to find his side of the bed empty. Sitting up, she could vaguely hear voices coming from downstairs. She got up and went into the bathroom, where she used the bathroom and brushed her teeth before padding her way downstairs in her bare feet. She smiled at the sight of Castle having breakfast with his mother and daughter. "Good morning," she slipped her arms around Castle's neck from behind as he turned his head to kiss her.

"Good morning, Katherine," Martha greeted her. "I put the tea kettle on for you, but I'm not sure how hot the water still is."

"What time is it, anyway?" She asked as she glanced at the clock on the microwave in the kitchen. "Is that really the time?" It was past 10 o'clock. She hadn't slept for that many hours straight for as long as she could remember.

"It's all right, kiddo. Believe it or not, I can still remember when I slept like that when I was expecting Richard."

"Yeah, way back in the dark ages," he teased as he walked into the kitchen and wrapped his arms around Kate, pulling her into his body as she grinned.

"Oh, stop," his mother scolded him. "I'm just letting Kate know that I understand what she's going through."

"Are you hungry?" He breathed in her ear. "I can make you some waffles."

The thought of waffles didn't sit well with her. "I think I'm just going to have my tea and maybe some of these strawberries and blueberries," her eyes lit up at the sight of the bowl of fruit on the counter.

"Is your dad going to be here tonight for the fireworks?" Alexis asked as she ate the last bite of her waffles.

"He said that he should be here by the time the sun goes down. What time does the show start?"

"As soon as the sun starts going down," Rick told her. "Usually around 8:30 or nine. We always go early to pick a good spot for the festivities."

"Castle, it's fireworks," she told him. "It's not like you're not going to be able to see them. We could probably even watch them from your pool."

"But, it's more fun close-up," Alexis grinned, looking very much like her father. "I have to go. I'm meeting Sara and Bethany in town. I'll see you in a few hours, daddy," she kissed her father on the cheek. "Bye Gram, Kate!"

"Bye, kiddo," Martha said.

"Have fun, Alexis," Kate called out. She was glad that the young woman had finally started calling her 'Kate' after being Det. Beckett to her for so long. After hers' and Castle's engagement, she'd insisted on it. Det. Beckett sounded far too formal when she was going to be family.

After helping with the dishes, Castle and Kate took a walk on the beach, hand in hand. It was a beautiful summer day, with enough of a breeze to keep the heat from being too unbearable. "You know, if you'd rather watch the fireworks from my pool, we can do that," he said as he looked at her. "I know how it's sometimes still hard for you to be around crowds of people."

"I just sometimes worry about how other people perceive my PTSD. I mean, I know that I can control it, but I'd rather not have to in a huge crowd if I can avoid it," she took a deep breath as she clutched his hand in hers.

"Don't worry about how my mother and Alexis perceive it," he told her gently. "They love you and they understand. Besides, it might be kind of romantic watching the fireworks from my pool area. We can make out," he gave her a familiar leer as she shoved at him.

"Leave it to you, Castle. You always have an ulterior motive."

"Don't deny that you had the same idea," he picked her up and spun her around.

"Castle, stop spinning me before I barf all over you! You're spinning me and your child, or are you forgetting?"

"I never forget that you're carrying my progeny," he set her back on her feet as he kissed her neck, sending tingles down her spine. "I can't wait until March."

"Me, either," she admitted as she turned into his arms. "So, what do you want? A boy or a girl?"

"I want another little girl, with huge green eyes and a smile that lights up a room," he leaned down as his lips came down on hers.

"If you ask my father how much this smile cost, you might cringe," she smiled against his lips.

"I'm a millionaire, remember? The last thing I'm worried about is huge orthodontics bills."

"Can we head back to the house? I think I've had enough sun," she said suddenly.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm just tired and hungry," she forced a smile as he took her hand and led her back toward the house. She didn't know why, but she didn't feel right. It had started the night before when they'd arrived at the house.

"You'd tell me if you weren't feeling okay, wouldn't you?"

"Castle, I'm okay. I just need to get out of the sun for a while."

Kate's father arrived as they were sitting down to a late dinner before preparing to watch the fireworks. She greeted him at the door. "I'm so glad that you could make it," she kissed him as she led him into the house. "You're not staying the night?" She asked, noticing that he didn't have a bag with him.

"I really can't. Maybe another time. How are you feeling?"

"Good. Rick, Martha and I are going to watch the fireworks from around the pool. Alexis is going to join her friends. Sit down and have something to eat."

After dinner, the four older adults went out to the pool area to watch the fireworks. Martha and Jim sat at the patio table while Rick and Kate shared a lounge chair. It was the most beautiful display that Kate had ever seen. The sky lit up in bursts of blue, green, purple, yellow, and white. She rested her head against Castle's chest as they gasped at the brilliant sky. "I told you that it was beautiful," he whispered in her ear.

As Castle and Kate admired the fireworks, Jim and Martha sat at the patio table talking quietly to each other. "So, how does it feel to learn that you're going to be a grandmother again?" Jim Beckett asked Martha.

"As wonderful as it did the first time. They're going to be amazing parents," she smiled as they looked at the happy couple pointing at the sky. "How does it feel knowing that you're going to be a grandpa?"

"Pretty damn good," he admitted with a grin. "Rick's a good man. I know that he loves Katie very much and that love will only deepen with a child."

"Richard told me that if the baby's a girl, her name will be Johanna," Martha told him as Jim's eyes misted over.

"Katie's mother would've loved being here for this. I know that Katie misses her, and so do I. But it's especially difficult right now."

"I'll make sure that she has anything that she needs."

"Thank you, Martha."

The fireworks display ended by ten, but it was an hour later before Jim decided that he needed to get back to the city. Kate walked him out to his car. "Thank you for coming tonight," she kissed him. "Please be careful going back into the city."

"Katie, Martha was telling me about . . . your choice for a baby girl's name," he said as Kate's eyes filled with tears. "Your mother would be so honored, and so am I."

"Castle . . . Rick said it was the only logical choice as far as he was concerned. I wasn't about to argue with him. I love you, dad."

"I love you too, bug. Go get some sleep. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

The next morning Kate felt queasy as she came downstairs for breakfast. She wondered if the morning sickness had shifted to a different time of the day. She felt slightly better after having her tea, but when Castle suggested making her something to eat, the very idea turned her face a sickly shade of green. "Kate!" He called out to her as she rushed to the downstairs bathroom.

"Dad, is Kate okay?" Alexis asked, her face mirroring her father's concern.

"It's just morning sickness, pumpkin," he gave her a reassuring smile. "Let me go see if she's okay."

Kneeling beside the toilet, Kate felt as if her entire stomach was going to come up through her throat. She was heaving so violently that she was sore. She took a deep breath when she heard Castle come into the bathroom. "I'm okay, Castle. Just give me a few minutes."

"I just don't understand why you're sick this morning. You've been getting sick in the afternoon—"

"It's because I'm pregnant, Castle," she reminded him. "I don't think there are any hard and fast rules about what time I'm supposed to puke my guts out."

"I'll make you some toast," he offered as he left the bathroom.

After coming out of the bathroom, she sat down at the table and began slowly nibbling on the toast that Castle had prepared for her. "Kiddo, are you all right?" Martha asked as she took a seat beside her.

"Not at the moment, but I will be," Kate gave her a weak smile.

"Alexis and were going to go into town after lunch if you'd care to join us. We could make it a girls' day out."

"I'd love to, Martha, but I think I'll just stay inside where it's cool and rest. Hopefully this will all pass by the end of the summer like my doctor told me it should and I won't be such a drag," she sighed wearily.

"You're not a drag, kiddo. You're a perfectly healthy pregnant woman who's being tortured by her child. It's a preview of what's to come," she looked at Richard.

"Thanks, mother," Rick shot her a dirty look. "Kate, would you like some more tea?"

"No, I'm good. Thank you," she looked over and smiled at him.

After lunch, Martha and Alexis left for their excursion in town. Kate was reading a book on the sofa as Castle booted his laptop up to work on the novel. He kept shooting her glances over his laptop screen as she read, seemingly oblivious to his glances. She was so damn beautiful that she took his breath away sometimes. "Quit staring, Castle. It's creepy. Remember?"

"I didn't think you'd notice."

"I'm a homicide detective. I get paid to notice when people are being creepy." After reading for a while longer, she stood up and stretched. "I'm really tired. I think I'm going to go upstairs and lay down for a little while."

"Would you like some company?" He grinned at her.

"As much as I'd love to say yes, right now I want to go upstairs and sleep," she kissed the top of his head as she went up the stairs.

Kate got under the covers of the king-sized bed in the master bedroom and immediately fell into a deep sleep. A sleep that was interrupted by knifing pains shooting through her lower abdomen. The pains radiated from her lower abdomen down into her pelvis. She woke up, gasping from the intense pain. She felt wet and sticky between her legs. "No," she whispered, as she got up from the bed. That was when she saw the massive amount of blood on the bed sheets.

Castle was typing away on his laptop when he heard a scream coming from upstairs. "Kate!" He called out, jumping to his feet.

"Castle! Oh God, Castle! Help!"

He raced up the stairs two at a time, breathless when he reached the master bedroom. "Kate!" He called out again as he glanced toward the bed. When he saw the blood on the sheets and no Kate, he ran into the bathroom. She was crouched beside the toilet, crying hysterically. Her shorts were covered in blood, which was running down her legs. It looked like a crime scene. He ran back into the bedroom and grabbed a blanket from the armoire and ran back into the bathroom, wrapping the blanket around her to keep her from going into shock as he scooped her into his arms. "I'm taking you to the ER now!"

"Castle, no!" She sobbed against his shoulder as he carried her downstairs and out the door to the Ferrari.

"It's going to be okay," he tried to soothe her as he buckled her into the passenger seat before getting behind the wheel and starting the engine.

The closest hospital that Castle knew of was in East Hampton. He knew that he was going to have to take her there. He wasn't sure she'd make it back to the city as badly as she was bleeding. "Oh God, Castle! Hurry! It hurts!" She screamed as she reached over and grabbed his hand, squeezing it so hard that his knuckles turned white.

"We're almost there," he said as he screeched to the emergency entrance of the hospital. He jumped out of his seat and raced around, opening the car door and unbuckling her seat belt before lifting her up into his arms and racing into the emergency room. "I need help here!"

"What's going on?" A nurse ran up to him.

"My fiancée's pregnant and she's hemorrhaging," he shouted at her.

"Get me a gurney!" The nurse shouted as a gurney was immediately rolled up to them. "Okay sir. We've got it from here," she said after he placed Kate on the gurney and they started to roll her toward a room. "You'll have to wait out here, sir," she said when she saw that Castle was trying to follow them into the room.

In the examination room, the nurses carefully removed Kate's clothes and slipped her into a gown as the young woman continued sobbing uncontrollably. "Sweetie, what's your name?" The nurse asked gently.

"Kate."

"Kate, how far along are you?"

"About 10 . . . 10 weeks," Kate's eyes were a deep sea-green in her misery and sorrow.

"Okay, Kate. We're going to see what's going on here. Are you having pain?"

"Cramps," she hiccupped. "I'm having . . . horrible cramps."

"Okay, the P.A. will be here in just a few minutes. Try to relax."

"Am I . . . am I losing our baby?"

"I don't know yet, Kate. We're going to find out what's going on."

Castle was waiting outside of the doors of the room where they'd taken Kate when he saw a man wearing blue scrubs go into the room. He wished that someone would tell him something. He hadn't felt this helpless since the afternoon that she'd gotten shot. He couldn't get over the amount of blood that had been all over her and the bathroom floor. He'd gone on crime scenes with her where they'd seen less blood. "Come on, please let me know that she's okay," he pleaded silently as he kept an eye on the doors.

Inside of the room, Kate cringed as the Physician's Assistant who'd entered the room moments earlier examined her. "Kate, my name's Mr. Andrews. I'm a physician's assistant."

"I'm losing our baby, aren't I?" She asked as she began to cry again.

"You've already lost it, Kate," he confirmed. "I'm going to perform a D&C to make sure that there's no tissue left in your uterus. It's going to be uncomfortable, but I'll do this as quickly as I can."

"Can you let Castle know what's going on?" She asked as he stared at her with a puzzled expression on his face. "My fiancé, Richard Castle. He's standing right outside."

"I'll go talk to him," the nurse offered.

Castle looked up expectantly when the nurse stepped out of the room. "Mr. Castle?" The first thing she wanted to tell him was what a fan she was, but she knew that this wasn't the time or the place. "Kate has suffered a miscarriage. She's going to be okay, but the P.A. is going to check to make sure that the entire fetus has been expelled. Once the bleeding has stopped, you can take her home."

"You don't need to keep her overnight?"

"No, she'll be fine once the bleeding has stopped. He'll let you know when you can take her home."

To Kate, the feeling of her feet in stirrups as the P.A. did whatever it was that he was doing inside of her was enough to set her on edge. As he scraped away at her insides, hot tears rolled down her eyes and into her hair and ears as she gripped the sides of the hard bed they had her lying on. She knew that they should've waited before they told everybody. Now she was going to have to face everybody and have them look at her like she was pathetic, just like they had after she'd returned to work after being shot. Just like Javi had looked at her that day in the property room when he was showing her the gun that had shot her. She couldn't deal with more pity. She didn't want to feel like damaged goods again.

After he was done, he walked over to wash his hands before approaching her. "The bleeding should stop in half an hour or so. Once it stops, we'll release you. I'm going to give you something to help you rest."

"Can you send . . . Castle in here?"

"Of course," he replied gently as he turned and left the room. "Mr. Castle?" Rick looked up at the sound of his name being called. "Ms. Beckett's asking for you."

Taking a deep breath, he pushed the doors opened and walked into the room. Tears sprang into his eyes when he saw her, lying so pale and frail-looking on the gurney. "Kate?" He whispered as he walked toward the bed.

"Castle, I'm so sorry!" She sobbed as he walked over and pulled her into his arms as she wrapped her arms around his neck and clung to him as if he was a lifeline. "I'm so sorry, Castle!"

"It's okay," he whispered as he held her although right now nothing felt further from the truth. "You're going to be okay, Kate. We're going to be okay."

He held her like that as she continued sobbing until the P.A. stepped back in a little while later. "Mr. Castle, can I ask you to please step out for just a few minutes. I'd like to examine Ms. Beckett one more time and then I'll prepare her discharge papers."

"I'll be right back," he kissed her on the forehead as he reluctantly left the room.

"The bleeding has stopped," the P.A. said after he finished examining her. "You might feel a little sore and tender for a few days. When you get back to the city, you'll need to schedule a follow-up with your regular doctor. I'm going to give you a shot so that you can get some sleep. Do you have any questions?"

"Why did this happen?" She asked.

"Nobody really knows why some pregnancies end in miscarriage. Maybe your regular doctor could help you to figure that out."

"Is there any reason why I can't go back to work on Monday?"

"I don't see why not as long as you spend this weekend resting. I'll get a nurse with that shot while I prepare your discharge papers."

Castle looked up when the doctor came back out. "Can I go back in there?"

"Why don't you wait a few minutes?" The P.A. suggested. "I'm going to have a nurse give her a mild sedative. It'll help her sleep. If she starts running a fever, no matter how slight, bring her back in here immediately."

"Okay. Thank you."

The nurse gave Kate the sedative before she beckoned Castle to come back into the room. He walked over and brushed his hand over her hair as she opened her eyes, trying to fight the effects of the sedative. "Castle, can you call my dad?"

"I'll call him as soon as I get you home," he vowed as he cleared his throat to keep his voice from choking up.

"I just want my dad, Castle," she began crying again as he moved down to hold her. "Please call my dad!"

"I'll call him, sweetie," he gently stroked his back as he held her, as he silently asked himself why he couldn't be enough to help her through his.

When he pulled up in front of the house a short time later, he was relieved to see that his mother and Alexis were home. He pulled out his cell and dialed his mother's number. "Mother, I need for you to open the front door and please don't ask any questions."

He got out of the car and walked around to the passenger side, where he gently lifted Kate into his arms. "Castle," she whispered as she slipped her arms around his neck.

"Shhh, let's get you inside," he walked up the front steps as Martha stood beside the door, her face frozen in shock.

"Richard, what's going on?"

"Daddy?" Alexis looked at her father with a million questions in her eyes as he walked toward the guest bedroom downstairs.

"It's okay, pumpkin," he tried to assure her. "Mother, can you turn down the bed in the here?" He asked as he walked into the guest room with a limp, sleeping Kate in his arms.

"Richard, what is going on?" She repeated her question as she did as he asked.

"I'll explain everything in just a second," he said as he placed Kate in the bed and was about to cover her when she noticed the scrubs that the hospital had given her to wear home since her clothes had been ruined by the blood. "I need to get her some clothes," he said as he covered her and quickly left the room, his actions manic and very un-Richard Castlelike.

"Daddy, what happened? Is Kate all right?" Alexis asked as they followed him into the living room.

"She lost the baby," he said in a quiet voice as he collapsed onto the sofa with his hands over his face, feeling as if he couldn't breathe.

"Oh Richard, I'm so sorry," his mother came over and pulled him close to her.

"Daddy, do they know what happened?"

"No," he sighed. "Their explanation was something along the lines of 'these things sometimes happen.' I have to go clean up upstairs," he got up and practically fled from the room.

"Gram, one of us should talk to him," Alexis turned to her grandmother, her bright blue eyes full of sorrow for her father and Kate.

"Sweetheart, sometimes when bad things happen, we just want to be alone to think."

"No," Alexis shook her head. "I'm not leaving him alone right now."

When Alexis entered the master bedroom, she noticed that the bed had been stripped. Seeing the bathroom light on, she made her way to the bathroom, gasping when she saw her father on the floor, trying to clean up what appeared to be a massive amount of blood. One towel was already pink and a second one was almost the same shade. She sat on the floor beside him and gently removed the towel that he was using to clean up. "I'll finish up," she told him. "Why don't you get Kate some clothes?" She suggested as he looked at her, his eyes reflecting the deep pain that he was feeling.

He slowly got up off of the floor as he watched his daughter . . . correction, his _only _child, cleaning up the mess from the bathroom floor. Clutching the towel rack, he started to sob, deep, wracking sobs that shook his entire body.

Alexis had seen her father sad many times during her life, but she could never remember seeing him cry before. She jumped to her feet and wrapped her arms around him as he finally responded by holding onto her. "I don't know how to help her through this, Alexis!" He sobbed. "How is it possible to be so happy one minute and to have your life torn apart the next?"

"Daddy, it's going to be okay," Alexis' own tears were soaking the shirt that her father was wearing. "You'll help her through this the only way that you know how. With a lot of patience and a lot of love. You two love each other so much. You're going to be okay."

As he held onto his daughter, Castle wondered if she was right. Would they really be okay or were forces once again at work trying to drive them apart?

**A/N: There's something in my nature that loves a man who cries. In my other fan fiction universe, my male character sometimes cries. This story might have a lot of crying Castle. Not so much that my readers are going to say, "Oh no, Castle's crying again," but this is emotional subject matter.**


	4. Chapter 4--Coping with the Loss

**Disclaimers: 'Castle' belongs to Andrew W. Marlowe. The only credit I'm taking is for how often I can make Kate and Rick cry in the next few chapters. Hey, I'm not known as 'The Queen of Angst' around my house for nothing.**

**Summary: As Kate begins to deal with the ramifications of the miscarriage, the wall starts coming back up as she starts to take some of her anger out on Castle. **

**A/N: In my other fan fiction universe that I write about, my female character is flawed, but only because I've made her that way by giving her a past. By watching 'Castle' reruns over and over, I've learned that Kate Beckett is flawed on her own. I don't have to create any new flaws for her. All I have to do is explore her past. **

Chapter 4: Coping with the Loss

Jim Beckett was sound asleep in a hard chair in the guest room of Rick Castle's Hamptons home at his only child's bedside. He'd received Castle's call the previous afternoon and had been devastated by the news that he was given.

"_Jim, its Rick Castle."_

_Jim couldn't help but notice that Castle didn't sound like his normal cheerful, jovial self. "Rick, is something wrong?"_

"_Jim, it's Kate," Castle cleared his throat. "She's had a miscarriage."_

"_Is she okay?"_

"_She will be. I just brought her back to the house. She's asking for you."_

"_Tell her that I'll be there as soon as I can. Are you sure that she's all right?"_

"_She just wants her dad. That's what she told me."_

When he arrived at the house at dark, Rick showed her into the guest room where she was still sleeping. "The bed was a mess," he explained when Jim asked why Kate was in the guest room. "Alexis and I cleaned up, but I didn't want to move her again."

"How long has she been asleep?"

"Since I brought her home. They gave her a sedative at the hospital. Let me know if she wakes up and needs anything," Castle left the room to leave his future father-in-law alone with his daughter.

Kate woke up, disoriented as she tried to adjust to the darkness. She could see a figure sitting in a chair by the bed. But where was she? This wasn't the bed in the master bedroom. That's when everything came rushing back. The pain and the blood and screaming for Castle. At first she thought that the figure by her bed was Castle, but then she realized that it was her father. Castle had called him for her. "Dad?" She whispered in the darkness.

Jim jerked his head at the sound of Kate's whisper. "Katie Bug, you're awake," he smiled as he sat on the edge of the bed. "Do you need anything?"

"Uh, yeah. Water," her throat felt as if she'd been crossing the Mojave.

"I'll be right back," he left the room, returning moments later with a bottle of cold water.

"Where's Castle?"

"He's out there asleep on the sofa. He wanted to be nearby in case you needed anything."

She opened the bottle and downed half of the contents, the water feeling wonderful on her parched throat. "What time is it?"

"Almost three in the morning."

"How did this happen? How did it go so wrong?" She gazed at her father as two huge tears rolled slowly down her face.

"I don't know, bug. I don't think that anybody does. It happened to your mother, too."

"Really? When?"

"You were four going on five. You were too young to understand, so we never told you. Everything seemed fine one minute and the next, it just wasn't. I remember that the doctor told us that sometimes these things just happen. I know that's not much comfort. It wasn't for us at the time, either."

"How do I face him? How do I let Castle know how sorry I am that this happened?"

"Katie, first of all, this wasn't your fault. You didn't do anything wrong. The last thing that man in the other room is going to do is blame you."

"I was feeling bad when we arrived Wednesday night. When we walked into the house, I got so dizzy. I had to grab his arm to keep from falling over. I should've said something then."

"Katie, this wasn't your fault," he repeated.

"Why am I sleeping in here?"

"Rick said that he brought you in here after you came home. He said that the room was –"

"A mess," she finished his sentence. "I've never seen so much blood come out of me in my life," she began sobbing again.

"Katie, why don't you lie down and try to get some more rest? I'll stay right here if you need me."

He helped her get settled under the covers once again as she eventually cried herself to sleep. After seeing that she was once again sleeping, he stepped out of the room. He went into the kitchen to get some water. When he closed the refrigerator door, he saw that Rick was sitting on the edge of the sofa, rubbing his weary face in his hands. "What time is it?" He asked.

"Three o'clock. Katie was awake, but now she's gone back to sleep," Jim walked into the living room and sat in an armchair.

"How is she?" Rick asked.

"She's understandably very upset. She's worried about how she's going to face you."

"Why is she worried about facing me?" Rick was confused. "What happened wasn't her fault. I don't think she could've been more careful if she'd tried."

"Katie has a hard time when things happen for no reason," Jim sighed. "When we came home that night to find that detective on our doorstep, he told us that Johanna was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Katie couldn't accept that. In the first 19 years of her life, things always happened for a reason. Her mother's murder defied logic. I thank you for helping her to discover the truth."

"She deserved to know the truth," Rick said.

"What I'm trying to tell you, Rick, is she's going to have a rough time. I know that you've stood by her side through the stuff that happened after she got shot. The only difference this time is you're going to need her, too."

"I'm okay," he forced a smile.

"You might think that you are, but trust me when I tell you that you're going to need a shoulder to cry on, also. Why don't you go in there and lay down with her while I sleep out here? I think she'd want you to be with her."

Castle padded into the guest room on bare feet and watched Kate as she slept. Normally, she'd wake up and tell him that he was being creepy. But, still being under the influence of the sedative she'd been given, she didn't stir. He walked over to the other side of the queen-sized bed and turned down the covers as he got in beside her. She rolled toward him as if sensing that he'd gotten into bed with her. "Castle," she breathed as she moved into his body as he slipped his arms around her. "Thank you for calling my dad."

He didn't say anything as he held her, once again blinking back the tears that threatened to flow once again. He wondered when this woman that he loved so much was ever going to catch a break and get the happiness that she deserved.

***CCC***

When Kate woke up again, the sun was shining brightly through the window. She was alone in bed, but she could hear voices outside of the bedroom door. She sat up and swung her legs over the side of the bed as she slowly got to her feet. Her abdomen and pelvic regions felt sore, but other than that, she felt okay. Well, except for the incredible emptiness that she now felt. She took a deep breath to keep from crying again before going out to join everybody in the other room.

Everybody was sitting around the dining table when Castle heard the sound of the bedroom door opening down the short hallway. Craning his neck, he smiled when he saw Kate coming down the hallway. "Katherine, are you sure that you should be up? Why don't you stay in bed and take it easy?" Martha came up to her.

"I'm okay, Martha. Morning, dad," she kissed her father as she walked into the kitchen, eying the coffee pot enviously. At least she could have her beloved coffee again. Then she immediately felt guilty for feeling that way.

Her eyes met Castle's from across the counter. She didn't know what she was supposed to say to him, to any of them. What was the correct protocol after losing a baby? Her hands shook as she took down a coffee cup and prepared to pour coffee into it. Seeing that her hands were shaking, Castle came into the kitchen and took the pot from her. "Go sit down. I've got this," he told her as she nodded gratefully.

"Kate, are you okay?" Alexis asked as Kate sat down at the table.

Kate clenched her hands into fists as she looked across the table at the young red-head. She wondered how long she was going to have to put up with people asking her that. Finally relaxing her fists, she smiled at Castle's daughter, a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. "I'm not perfect, Alexis, but I will be."

"Kate, I'm so—"

"Please don't say it," Kate whispered as Castle brought her cup of coffee to her. "Thank you, Castle."

"Katie, why don't you and I take a walk on the beach after you've had your coffee?" Her father suggested as Kate started to balk at the idea. "Please? Humor your old man. We won't go far."

As they walked on the beach, Jim slipped his arm across Kate's shoulders. "How long are you staying?"

"I need to head back to the city tomorrow afternoon."

"Me, too," she sighed. "I have to go back to work Monday morning."

"Katie, why don't you give yourself a few days? I'm sure that your captain will understand."

"I never told her."

"Katie, they're hurting too," he said, referring to Castle and his family. "I think that Rick's taking it especially hard."

"I just didn't want to hear Alexis telling me how sorry she is. I don't know if I can bear that again, dad."

"Again?"

"First, after mom died and then after I got shot. I don't know if I can deal with that again."

"Then, you know what you have to do when you get back home to help you deal with it. But Kate, please take time out to listen to Rick. He might not always verbalize what he's feeling, but you know him. You know what to look for. Be there for him, too."

"I will," she leaned into her dad's shoulder as they walked down the beach.

When they got back to the house, Kate made two calls from her cell. First she called Dr. Caldwell's answering service to set up an appointment for the next week and then she took a deep breath as she called Dr. Burke's emergency number. He agreed to fit her in on Wednesday afternoon. She then went out onto the back patio where Castle was lying in one of the lounge chairs, where they'd enjoyed fireworks just two days before. Was that the last time that they'd been truly happy?

He looked toward the sliding glass doors when he heard them opening, smiling when he saw that it was Kate. "Hi," he said as she walked over and sat in the chair next to him. "Did you want to talk?"

"I don't even know where to start," her eyes glistened with tears. "Castle, I'm so fucked up right now!"

"What're you talking about?" He swung his legs over the side of the lounge chair so that he was facing her.

She ran her hands through her long tangled hair before tucking it behind her ears as she took a deep breath. "You were so happy when I told you about the baby. It's like I took a picture of your face in my mind so that I could bring it up whenever I wanted to. I feel like I yanked the rug right out from under your feet."

"Kate, we're going to get through this. Maybe we can try again after the wedding. We can plan it all out this time so that there are no surprises."

"Castle, I just need some time. Right now I feel like I've taken two steps back in my recovery. Maybe I lost the baby because my heart wasn't strong enough."

"Kate, the cardiologist that you saw after the shooting told you that you've made a full recovery."

"But maybe he was wrong," her voice rose as she got up and began to walk around the patio. "There has to be a reason why this happened."

"Kate," he stood up and approached her, "sometimes things happen that none of us can understand. I know that you want there to be a reason and so do I, but we might have to just accept the fact that this time there isn't a reason."

"There's always a reason," she looked at him with her eyes set hard. "I refuse to accept the fact that this happened for no reason."

He longed to go up and hold her against him, but he knew that wasn't what she wanted right now. Right now he knew that she was angry and while she had every right to be, he was also hurting. He just wanted them to sit down and express what they were feeling. They'd finally started doing that after his original proposal and her job offer. It had finally started putting them on the same page with one another. And it hadn't even taken locking them in a very small room as Lanie had suggested to get it accomplished. "I think I'm going to go and take a shower," she looked at him. "I still have blood . . . I'm going to go take a shower," she went back inside and closed the door behind her, leaving Castle by himself.

After a few minutes he got up and went into the house. He found himself wondering if he should call Lanie. After all, the medical examiner was Kate's closest friend and they shared everything. Alexis was in the kitchen fixing her some lunch when she looked at her dad, staring at his cell phone. "It works better if you actually bring up the person that you want to call," she joked, trying to lighten her father's mood.

"I was just wondering if maybe I should call Lanie," he wondered out loud.

"Daddy, I'm not so sure that's a great idea. While I'm sure that she'll tell Dr. Parrish and Detectives Esposito and Ryan, I'm not sure she wants to be overwhelmed by all of the sympathy right now."

"I guess you're right," he put his phone back in his pocket.

Going into the master bedroom, Kate stole a glance toward the bed, which was neatly made up. There was no evidence of the gore that had covered her side of the bed just the day before. Had it really only been one day? Going into the bathroom, she noticed that it was also clean and orderly. Had Castle called in a crime scene clean-up unit while she was asleep? She wouldn't put it past him. The number of favors that he'd been able to call in had astounded and infuriated her over the years. She remembered the very first case he'd consulted on he'd called the mayor's office and got their fingerprints moved to the front of the pack after she told him that they'd have to wait days for results. She learned that he had contacts and he wasn't afraid to use them if he needed to. "We got it all cleaned up," she heard Castle's voice behind her.

"I see that. I was just wondering if you'd called in a crime scene clean-up unit," she faced him as he gave her a small grin.

"No, it was just me and Alexis."

"Castle, I'm so sorry."

"Please stop apologizing," he walked toward her as he placed his hands gently on her arms.

Finally she let him enfold her in his arms as he held her against his chest. "I feel so empty," she sniffled as he held her so gently. "Not just my . . . my uterus, but my heart, too."

"Mine, too," he whispered into her hair. "Go and take your shower."

She stood under the warm spray of the shower as she scrubbed the blood from the insides of her legs. As she did, her own tears mixed with the water from the shower. After she'd rinsed off, she sank to the bottom of the shower and cried some more. She didn't stop crying until the water turned cold. She rose from the floor of the shower and shut off the water as she got out and grabbed a towel from the rack. She loved the bath towels that Castle used. They were huge and unbelievably fluffy. She felt comforted every time she dried herself off with one. She ran her hands through her hair and added some gel to it as she fluffed it out, letting it air dry, hoping that it would curl and not frizz in the salt air of the beach.

When she walked back downstairs, Alexis was sitting at the table eating her lunch. "Where's your dad?"

"I think he's in his office."

"Alexis, thank you."

"For what?" The young woman asked.

"Your dad told me that you helped him clean up—"

"Oh Kate, don't," Alexis gave her a shy smile. "I was glad to help. I know that I don't understand what you're feeling, but if you ever just want to talk, I'll be more than happy to listen."

"Thank you, Alexis," Kate turned and went in search of Castle.

As she stopped outside of his office door, she fully expected to hear the sound of Castle's fingers flying over his keyboard. That was a sound that she was used to. The sound that she heard instead was something that she wasn't used to hearing, especially from her fiancé. The sound of him sniffling. She peeked into the room and saw him sitting at his desk, with tears slowly rolling down his face. "Castle, I'm so sorry that I've broken your heart," she whispered. "I hope that you can forgive me."

Instead of going into the office, she turned and went back toward the dining room. "Did you find daddy?" Alexis asked.

"He's busy writing. I think that I'll let him get some work done."

"He's never minded when you've interrupted him before," Alexis reminded her.

Kate didn't have an answer for that as she walked over and sat down on the sofa. Thinking that maybe music would make her feel better; she got up and went upstairs, returning moments later with her phone and her ear buds. She sat back down on the sofa and plugged the ear buds jack into the phone before placing them in her ears and going to her iPod app on her phone. Tapping the 'random' button, she settled back and closed her eyes, trying to get lost in her music. But after a couple of songs, it was clear that it wasn't working. The only thing that might possibly make her feel slightly better was in that office down the hall and she wasn't sure how to talk to him.

"How are you feeling, kiddo?" She turned her head as Martha sat beside her on the sofa.

"Tired, empty, sad," she admitted as her voice broke.

"I'm not about to tell you that it's going to be all right, because I know that right now neither you nor Richard believes that," Martha pulled Kate against her shoulder as the young woman sobbed out her heartbreak.

"I don't know what to say to him," she sobbed.

"You're going to figure it out."

"Do you think so?" Kate sat up and wiped at her face.

"I know it. You two love each other too much not to figure it out."

Jim Beckett stopped at the bottom of the stairs, watching Kate with her future mother-in-law. Martha had promised him that she'd make sure that Kate had anything that she needed and at the moment a shoulder to cry on was exactly what she needed. He knew that there were just some things that a father couldn't offer.

Later that night, Castle was lying in bed waiting for Kate. "Have you called Gates about taking off another few days?" He called to her in the bathroom.

"No, I was thinking that I could go back into the city tomorrow like I originally planned."

"So, you're going to go back to work Monday morning?"

"That doctor at the hospital said there wasn't any reason why I couldn't," she turned off the bathroom light and walked to the bed. "Unlike you, Castle, I can't afford the luxury of staying out here all summer. I have to work for a living."

"And, you're implying that I don't work?" He was suddenly angry.

"That didn't come out the way that I intended. If you don't want to go back with me, I'll ride back with my father."

"Kate, you just had a miscarriage."

"I know that, Castle! I was there! The blood that was all over this bed and all over your bathroom floor came out of my body! There was so much blood in the toilet that it looked like I'd dumped a bucket of red paint into it! I'm sure that our baby was in that bloody mess . . ."

"Kate, stop!" He begged her.

"I'm angry, Castle! I want somebody to hurt as badly as I do!"

"Somebody does, Kate. I do," his voice cracked as his eyes filled with tears.

"He told me that I'd already had the miscarriage," she sat beside him on the bed. "Our baby was already gone when we got to the hospital."

He reached for her as she wrapped her arms around his neck, holding onto him as she had that day in the hospital. "I love you, Kate," his tears mixed with hers as they cried together. "If you want to go back to the city tomorrow and back to work, I'm not going to stop you. I'll go with you and be your partner, just like always. I just don't think it's one of your better ideas."

As he held her, Castle couldn't help but wonder if she was once again spiraling downhill as she had started to when she was trying to hide her PTSD from him and the boys. The only difference this time was he had a feeling that she was going to pull him down with her.

**A/N #2: I'm going to include a crime scenario starting with the next chapter that will force Kate and Rick to have to deal with their grief in a very big way.**


	5. Chapter 5--A Slow, Downward Spiral

**Disclaimers: Nope, I still don't own 'Castle.' Mr. Marlowe does a wonderful job on his own and really doesn't need my help.**

**Summary: Kate begins once again spiraling downhill as she tries to keep her team from learning about the miscarriage as they begin to investigate the murder of a child killed outside of a store.**

**A/N #1: One of the things that I love about 'Castle' is the relationships between the different characters. They all seem to bring out each other's strengths and weaknesses. I think one of the best examples of this was in episode 4x9 'Kill Shot,' when Javi took Kate to the property room and showed her the gun that had been used to shoot her. He understood what she was going through without babying her through it. I'm going to try to explore some of those different relationships in this chapter.**

**A/N #2: I apologize for creating a downer of a crime, but I want everything to tie in. The subject matter in this one definitely earns it an 'M' rating. **

**A/N #3: To the reviewer who wanted some tender Castle, you'll get some in this chapter. I'm following one of your suggestions. Thank you.**

Chapter 5: A Slow, Downward Spiral

It was now early August, a month since the miscarriage. Kate had returned to her duties the Monday morning after, but she'd yet to say anything to any of her friends from the 12th. But, watching her and Castle it was clear that something was very wrong. While they didn't make any baby comments on the squad room floor for fear that Gates would hear, the boys would try to tease Kate and Castle in the break room, only to have their jokes fall on deaf ears.

At home things weren't going much better. They had the loft to themselves until Labor Day weekend when Martha and Alexis were due back. Castle was upset because Kate refused to tell the boys and Lanie about the miscarriage. "Kate, they're going to figure it out," he told her for what seemed to be the 20th time. "Especially when you don't start showing."

"I'm not ready for them to know, yet," she stared out at the rain that was falling on this steamy August afternoon.

"Then, when?"

"I don't know," she turned from the window to look at Castle who was watching her from his desk. She was about to say something further when her cell phone rang. "Beckett!" She snatched it up. "Where? Okay, I'm on my way!" She disconnected the call and faced her partner. "We have a murder. Are you coming?"

"I'm right behind you," he got up and followed her out of the loft.

As he followed her, he couldn't help but notice that the wall was coming back up. He'd spent four years tearing that wall down brick by brick, only to have her build it up higher than ever. And, this time she seemed to have added razor wire and broken glass to the top of it. She'd seen Dr. Burke once after they'd returned from the Hamptons after the miscarriage, but she felt that there was no need to go back. Instead she threw herself into her work, and while they shared a home, that was about all that they shared these days. They hadn't made love in weeks. Castle wasn't sure if her reticence was due to fear or if she was angry with him.

Neither of them cried anymore over the loss of their child, but they were both shutting each other out. They were pulling apart and they couldn't figure out a way to work their way toward each other again.

***CCC***

Beckett stopped her Crown Victoria in front of a tiny storefront grocery, which was surrounded by red and blue flashing lights as far as the eye could see. "What've we got?" She asked as she got out of the car, followed by Castle as they approached the yellow crime scene tape and the small figure lying face down on the other side of it.

"Unidentified white female, approximately nine to 12 years of age," Lanie said as she looked up from the body. "The store clerk said she came in and bought a soda and some candy," she nodded toward the discarded items lying beside the child's body. "He said as soon as she left the store, he heard a single gunshot."

"Did anybody see anything?" Kate asked as she scanned the crowd of bystanders who'd gathered to gawk at the crime scene.

"Witnesses saw a white male, 5'9, dressed in jeans and a gray hoodie running south toward the subway entrance," Espo reported as he joined his boss and Castle. "Ryan's down there, seeing if he can find anyone who matches the description."

"What was cause of death?" Kate asked, trying to look anywhere but at the child lying on the pavement.

"Single gunshot wound to the chest. Looks like a small caliber bullet, maybe a .32. I'll know more when I get her on the table."

"The shooter's in the wind," Ryan said as he joined the others.

"Why would somebody shoot a kid who was just buying candy and pop?" Espo wondered out loud.

"Why shoot anybody, Espo? It's just something else that defies reason."

"Was she a regular in the store?" Castle asked. "Because if she's a regular, she probably lives in the area."

"Let's find out," Kate walked over to the store clerk who was standing nearby. "I'm Det. Kate Beckett and this is Rick Castle. The little girl was in your store, Mister . . . "

"Garza, Frank Garza. Yeah, she comes in all of the time. Sometimes she's with a couple of other kids."

"But, she was alone today?" Kate asked.

"Yeah."

"How long after she left did you hear . . . "

"Sophia!" They heard a scream behind them. "Sophia!"

"I think we've identified her," Castle whispered.

"Espo!" She motioned for him to talk to the woman who was screaming hysterically. "Mr. Garza, how long after she left did you hear the gunshot?"

"Within seconds," the store clerk answered.

"And you only heard the one shot?"

"Yes, just one shot. When I ran out and saw her on the sidewalk, I called the police."

Meanwhile, Espo was trying to talk to the hysterical woman who was trying to get past the crime scene tape and to the child who was on the other side of it. "Ma'am, is this your daughter?" He asked as gently as he could.

"Yes!" The woman screamed as Kate and Castle came up to them. "I recognize her clothes. Those are her favorite sneakers! She asked me if she could come up here to buy a soda and candy. She comes up here all of the time. It's always been safe!"

"Ma'am, I'm Det. Beckett. What is your daughter's name?"

"Sophia, Sophia Bryant. She's 10 years old. Who would do this to her?"

"That's what we're trying to find out. We need you to come to the precinct so that we can ask you some questions."

"I have to find someone to stay with my other two kids," she turned around where two other children, a boy and a girl, were standing frozen in shock and terror.

"There's not any reason why we can't take them with us," Castle suggested as Kate stared at him in disbelief. "Who knows? Maybe they know something that could help us."

"Fine," Kate sighed, not wanting to argue with him. Some of his ideas were so crazy that they defied logic. But, these days everything defied logic.

When they got to the precinct, Kate and Espo went into the box with Mrs. Bryant as Castle agreed that he'd stay at Beckett's desk and keep the two kids entertained. He learned that the boy's name was Andrew Bryant and his little sister's name was Suzanne, or as she quickly corrected Castle, Suzi for short. "So, how old are you guys?" Castle asked after buying both kids a soda from the vending machine in the break room.

"I'm eight and Suzi's almost six," Andrew stated.

"So, do you go to the store with Sophia a lot?" Castle asked, trying to develop rapport with the kids.

"Does this chair twirl around?" Suzi asked as she sat in Beckett's chair.

"Yeah, it does," Castle told her. "Hold on and I'll show you."

He got up and grasped the arms of the chair and gave it a hard spin as the little girl shrieked with laughter. "Hey, let me do it!" Her brother cried out as he got into the chair and Castle spun him around. Spinning the two kids reminded him of all of the times he'd spun Alexis in his office chair when she was small.

"Hey mister?" Suzi looked up at Castle as he stopped the chair. "Did the bad man hurt my sister?"

"Somebody bad did hurt your sister," Castle knelt down in front of the chair. "Do you know any bad men?"

"Daddy's a bad man," Suzi whispered.

"Why do you say that?" Castle asked.

"Because the police came and took him to jail," Andrew answered. "He's not allowed near us. Mommy said that if we see him, we have to say something."

"I know he came back," Suzi said as her lower lip began to quiver. "He came back because Sophia said something. He said that he was going to come back."

***CCC***

In the box, Kate was interrogating Mrs. Bryant. "Where's your husband, Mrs. Bryant?"

"Ex-husband. I haven't seen him in almost a year."

"Would he have a reason to hurt you or the children?"

"Like I said, we haven't seen him in almost a year."

Kate heard a tap on the one-way mirror. "Excuse me," she got up and left the room to find Castle standing on the other side. "Castle, what do you want? I thought that you were baby-sitting."

"Beckett, the kids told me that their father was arrested. They both made comments about him being a 'very bad man,'" Castle informed her as Ryan approached them.

"Did they say why he was arrested?"

"No, only Suzi said that he came back because Sophia said something."

"Suzi?"

"The little girl. They have names, Beckett," Castle snapped as Ryan stared at the couple with a puzzled expression on his face.

"Okay, thanks," she whirled and went back into the box.

"What's up with you two?" Ryan asked. "Since when do you call her 'Beckett' again?"

Espo and Mrs. Bryant looked toward the door when Kate re-entered the room. "Why was your ex-husband arrested, Mrs. Bryant?"

"This has nothing to do with what happened to Sophia. Michael would never hurt the children."

"Mrs. Bryant, your daughter is dead for a reason! She went to buy some treats, she stepped out of the store, and there was _one _gunshot! One! That leads me to believe that your daughter was targeted! Now, tell me why your ex-husband was arrested or I'll go look it up myself!" She banged on the table for emphasis as the woman jumped.

"Beckett, take it easy," Espo warned her. "This woman's daughter is dead."

"I know that! And she's sitting here hiding the reasons why!"

"Beckett, take a walk. Now," Espo warned her as Kate stormed from the box.

"Kate!" Castle called after her.

"Leave me alone, Castle! Just leave me the fuck alone!"

"Is it because it's a kid, Castle?" Ryan turned toward his friend. "I mean, I know that the two of you are expecting, but Beckett knows better than to let her emotions get in the way of the job."

"Are you going to go to Gates?" Castle asked in a tight voice.

"If this continues, dude, I'm not going to have a choice. She'll listen to you. Tell her to get her act together. Let's get the son of a bitch that did this."

Kate went into the bathroom and stood at the mirror, staring at her reflection. After standing there for a good five minutes, she turned on the water and splashed some water on her face. She was about to leave when her cell phone rang. "Beckett," she answered the call.

"Kate, it's Lanie. I think that you should get down here."

"I'll be right there," she said as she ended the call. Coming out of the bathroom, she almost bumped into Castle. "Where are the kids?"

"Ryan's with them."

"Lanie's got something. Let's go," she said as they walked toward the elevator.

"Kate, you've got to pull it together. That woman is the mother of a murder victim. You can't interrogate her like she's a suspect."

"You're the one who told me that the father had been arrested. I have a problem when the ex-wife refuses to tell me why her husband and the father of her children was in jail," she pulled out her cell and called Ryan. "Kevin, see what you can find on a Michael Bryant. I don't have a DoB, but he was arrested in the last year. Thanks."

Lanie greeted Kate and Castle with a grim expression when they entered the autopsy room. "Beckett, I don't think this little girl's death was a random shooting."

"What makes you think that?"

"I found stippling all over her shirt for one thing."

"The shooter was standing close when he shot her," Castle said.

"Within a couple of feet. But, that's not all," Lanie almost sounded choked up as the detective and the mystery writer watched her. Lanie never let any murder victim get to her. "When I opened her up, there was scarring."

"Scarring?" Kate looked puzzled.

"This child had a UTI. It appears that she'd had it for some time. After I saw the scarring, I examined her further. She'd been sexually abused, Kate. Probably for years."

"That's why he was in jail," Kate was so angry that she was shaking. "I can't believe that she's trying to hide that the fact that he was sexually abusing her kids! Son of a bitch!"

She stormed out of the autopsy room, leaving Castle to face a speechless Lanie. "I'm sorry, Castle. I know this has to be a hard time to get a case like this."

"You have no idea," Castle whispered as he turned and quickly left the room.

Esposito was still interrogating Mrs. Bryant when Kate burst back into the room, slamming the door behind her. "Your ex-husband was raping your daughter! Is that what you're trying to hide? Did you know this was going on? Or, were you helping him?"

"Beckett . . . "

"As soon as Sophia told me, I turned him in to the police," Mrs. Bryant said as she began crying.

"Was he also molesting your other daughter or maybe your son?"

"Sophia came to me because she saw the way that her father was looking at her sister. She said that she was five when he started with her. I swear that I didn't know that it was going on."

"Your daughter had a UTI," Kate told her. "A Uterine Tract infection! Are you going to sit there and tell me that she wasn't showing any symptoms?"

"She had an infection when she was younger. The doctor said that happens to little girls sometimes."

"He didn't examine her?"

"I didn't think that there was a reason for him to."

"Did your ex-husband make any threats when you turned him in?"

"We tried to keep it from going to trial, but he refused to take a plea. Sophia had to testify. He was found guilty."

"Why isn't he in jail?"

"The sentencing is coming up in a week. He was out on bail until then. He said that if he went to prison, he was going to make me and the kids pay."

Kate looked toward the mirror when she heard a rap on it. "Excuse me," she stepped out of the room to find Ryan standing there. "What've you got?"

"Michael Edward Bryant, DoB 9/2/77. He was found guilty in April of three counts of sexual assault on a child. His sentencing is scheduled for next Friday. He was facing a minimum of 15 years and he'd also have to register as a sex offender."

"He matches the description of the shooter," Kate said as she looked at his statistics. "Okay, let's get a BOLO out on this piece of shit."

"You've got it, boss," Ryan turned and left the room.

Later that afternoon, Espo and Ryan were in the break room making themselves coffee. Espo looked around before he turned to his partner. "Bro, what's going on with Beckett?"

"You're asking the wrong person. Her and Castle have both been acting strange for weeks now. I mean, I've seen her go balls to the wall on suspects, but never on the mother of a victim. Maybe we should drag Castle to The Old Haunt and get him drunk. Maybe then he'll tell us what's going on."

"We can ask," Espo said in agreement as Ryan's cell phone rang.

Ryan looked at the caller ID, smiling when he saw who it was. "Hi, babe," he answered as he stepped away from Esposito. "You're downstairs now? Sure, come on up. I'm sure that Beckett would love to see you. She probably has a million questions about morning sickness and weight gain. You know, all of that stuff that you pregnant women love to talk about."

"I'm not so sure, bro," Espo threw in. "Beckett's not in a great place today."

Kate was at the murder board filling in the pertinent information when the boys came out of the break room. "Jenny's on her way upstairs. We're going to go and have some lunch," Ryan told Beckett.

Kate began to feel panic setting in. Jenny Ryan was the last person that she wanted to see right now. She'd been avoiding pregnant woman and children like the plague for the last month. "Why don't you meet her downstairs?" Kate suggested instead as she capped her dry erase marker.

"Beckett, she's already on her way up here. What's the problem? It's not like she hasn't visited the squad room before."

"It's just that we're in the middle of a murder investigation here," Kate heard the elevator doors open as Kevin Ryan's wife, Jenny, stepped off. She smiled brightly as she approached Kevin's desk. "Hi, sweetheart," she kissed her husband as she glanced over at Kate. "Kate, it's so wonderful to see you. You still look so thin!"

Castle watched Kate's face. He could see her eyes taking on that huge panicked look that usually preceded a panic attack. She took a deep breath before fleeing from the squad room, leaving the boys and Jenny looking stunned. "Did I say something wrong? Most pregnant woman love hearing how thin they still look," Jenny stammered.

"I don't know how to tell you guys this," Castle whispered as he stepped up to Ryan's desk. "Kate had a miscarriage. It happened when we went to the Hamptons for the Fourth of July weekend."

"God, Castle," Ryan breathed. "I'm so sorry. Why didn't you or Beckett say something?"

"I've wanted to," Castle looked at his friends. "Kate didn't want the pity."

"Is she okay?" Jenny asked. "I mean, you can try again, can't you?"

"Her doctor says that she's fine. But, I'm not as sure anymore."

"Bro, the last thing we're going to do is pity either of you two. Under the circumstances, do you think it's a good idea for her to be on this case?" Esposito brought up.

"She's not going to back off, Espo. You know that from experience. She never gives up."

"Has anybody seen Beckett?" The authoritative voice of Capt. Victoria 'Iron' Gates asked from the doorway of her office.

"I think she went to the ladies room," Ryan answered as he looked at Castle.

The captain strode out of her office and headed for the restroom. "She's going to go in there looking for her?" Espo looked at his partner.

"If she goes in there and finds her in the middle of a PTSD episode, she's going to send her home," Castle reminded them.

"Maybe she should send her home, bro," Esposito's dark eyes flashed. "I'm just sayin'."

Kate was standing at the sink trying to get her emotions under control when the bathroom door opened and Capt. Gates stepped in. "What's going on, detective?"

"What do you mean, sir?"

"I just got a call from the Chief of D's. He received a complaint from a Mrs. Julia Bryant, the mother of our murder victim. He said and I quote, 'The lead detective was less than congenial while conducting her investigation.' Would you care to explain yourself?"

"She was withholding evidence, sir."

"She's also the mother of a murder victim, detective. Be straight with me for five minutes, Det. Beckett. You've been off of your game for almost a month now. What's going on?"

Kate took a deep breath as she faced this woman who'd been her boss for two years. She was tough, much tougher than Roy Montgomery had been. Roy had been her friend. Roy had given his life for her. She knew that this woman could never be her friend. But, she was a woman and Kate knew that she'd never pity her. "I . . . over the Fourth of July weekend, I had a miscarriage."

"I'm sorry to hear that," the older woman's voice was filled with compassion. "Maybe this isn't the best case for you to be working right now."

"No, I'll be okay, sir."

"You'd better start proving that or I will pull you off. Is that understood?"

"Yes, sir."

"Get yourself together and get back to work. We have a murderer to catch."

Kate took some deep breaths before leaving the bathroom. As she approached her desk, she could tell by the look that Esposito was giving her that Castle had told them. "Where's Ryan?" She asked as she walked back over to the murder board.

"He went to grab a quick lunch with Jenny. He'll be back in 20 minutes or so," Espo said. "Are you okay?"

"Where are we with Michael Bryant?" She asked, ignoring Esposito's question.

"He drives a delivery truck for Donnelly Brothers Bakery. He didn't show up for work this morning and he didn't call. A co-worker went by his apartment to check on him, but he wasn't there."

"Does he have any relatives that he might run to?"

"We're checking into that now."

"Where are Mrs. Bryant and the children?"

"I had a patrol unit take them home," Esposito said.

"Castle, I need for you to come with me," Kate said as she headed for the elevator.

"Where are we going?" He asked as he followed her into the elevator.

"I need to go and talk to Mrs. Bryant again. I need to convince her to let a doctor examine the other two children."

"So, why are you taking me? Why not Espo?"

"Because you've developed a rapport with the kids. Maybe they'll tell you things that they won't tell me."

"Kate, about what happened—"

"Not now, Castle."

"They had a right to know."

"Again, not now," she gave him a look that he was all too familiar with. The look that was warning him to drop the subject. _Now_.

***CCC***

Mrs. Bryant was reluctant to open her door, especially when she saw who was standing on the other side of it. "Mrs. Bryant, first of all, I want to apologize for the way that I treated you earlier. I was way out of line. This is my partner, Richard Castle. May we come in?"

"I guess," the bereaved woman stepped aside to let them into her modest home. "I wasn't protecting Michael, detective. Once upon a time I never could've believed that he could hurt any of our kids. That fairy tale vanished when Sophia came to me and told me that her daddy was doing unspeakable things to her."

"Did you ever suspect that he was abusing her?"

"After she told me, I realized that there were red flags. Too many nights when I'd find him in her room at night on the pretense that he was covering her up or that she'd had a bad dream. I was on the phone with the police within five minutes of her telling me."

"Mrs. Bryant, I hate to do this, but we need to make sure that he hasn't hurt Andrew or Suzi. I need to have them examined."

"I asked them after Sophia came to me. They both told me that their dad didn't do anything to them. Please don't make me put them through that. Sophia never got over the trauma of that exam."

"I wouldn't if I didn't have to, but I have to be sure. If you don't do this voluntarily—"

"You'll get a court order. I know, I heard that when the police were investigating Michael after Sophia's allegations. I'll make an appointment with their pediatrician and try to get them in tomorrow or the day after."

"Thank you. We can't locate your ex-husband. He wasn't at his apartment. Do you know where he would possibly go?"

"His mother lives in Long Island City, but she disowned him after what he did to Sophia, so I don't think he'd go there. One of his brothers lives in the Bronx," she got up and came back moments later with the address.

"Thank you, Mrs. Bryant," Kate said as they left the house.

It was after eight o'clock when they walked into the loft that night. "I can't even begin to imagine what Mrs. Bryant's going through," Kate said as Castle went into the kitchen and removed a bottle of wine from the refrigerator.

"I would read about guys like Michael Bryant in the newspaper and I'd think that I'd love to get hold of the guy and just cut his damn dick off," Castle bristled. "Did you want some wine?"

"Yeah, thank you. My fantasy about child molesters always went along the line of honey and a fire ant bed."

"I think I like your idea better," he brought her a glass of wine. "How can you do that to your own child? The idea of me ever even _thinking _of doing something like that to Alexis is inconceivable."

"The question shouldn't be how can a father do that to his own child, but how can any adult do that to _any _child? I think I'm going to take this glass of wine and take a nice, hot bath. Would you care to join me, Castle?"

He was surprised by her request. They hadn't bathed together since before she'd lost the baby. "I'm right behind you," he grabbed his wine glass and followed her into the bathroom.

Kate turned on the taps in the bathtub and added some jasmine scented bath oil to it. "You get in first," she instructed him as he stripped and gingerly stepped into the tub. After she undressed, she got in and settled back into his arms. After filling the tub nearly full she leaned forward and turned off the water. "I just want to forget about today for a little while."

As she lay back against his chest, Castle encircled her waist with his arms. "So, are you angry at me?" He breathed into her ear.

"I was, at first," she admitted. "But, you were right. They had a right to know."

"Uh, Lanie's still out of the loop unless Espo's told her."

"I'll try and talk to her tomorrow. Capt. Gates also knows. She found me coming down from a panic attack in the bathroom. She complained that I was off of my game. So, I told her what had happened."

"What was her reaction?"

"Compassionate but tough. She warned me to keep my emotions under control or she'll take me off of the case."

"Do you think that you can do that?"

"I don't have a choice. I just want to stop hurting, Castle," she put her hands over his.

"Me, too," he kissed her neck.

"My father told me that it happened to my mother when I was a little girl. It would've been one more thing that I could've talked to her about."

"You know, my mother might not completely understand how you're feeling, but she's a great listener."

"I'm not completely ready to talk about it yet, Castle. I just need more time."

"Will you come to me when you're ready?"

"I know where to find you."

It wasn't quite the answer that he was looking for, but it was better than being shut out.

They both went to bed and fell into a deep, dreamless sleep, only to be awakened by Kate's cell phone early the next morning. She moved her hand around until it landed on her phone. She grabbed it and looked at the caller ID, noting that it was the 12th precinct. "Beckett," she answered as Castle rolled over and mumbled something incoherent in his sleep. "Okay, we'll be there in half an hour," she hung up and turned over to shake Castle awake. "Castle, wake up! Karpowski and Hanley picked up Bryant at his brother's house. They're bringing him in now."

Castle sleepily rolled out of bed and wondered if Kate could interrogate this monster of a father without killing him. He also found himself wondering if she wouldn't have to hold him back from snapping Bryant's neck like a chicken.


	6. Chapter 6--Three Steps Forward, Two Step

**Disclaimers: 'Castle' is the property of Andrew W. Marlowe. **

**Summary: Kate interrogates Michael Bryant with disappointing results as her downward spiral continues. This chapter is rated 'M' for language.**

**A/N #1: I'm going to wrap up the case in this chapter to let me get back to what we all really love, the relationship between Castle and Beckett. Because, let's face it; do any of us really watch the show for the murders?**

**A/N #2: Sorry if I keep rehashing the whole PTSD thing, but this isn't something that conveniently just goes away. I'm really surprised that Marlowe hasn't explored it further. Not as in depth as he did in 'Kill Shot,' but I do believe that it's something that needs to be addressed occasionally.**

Chapter 6: Three Steps Forward, Two Steps Back

"Where is he?" Kate asked as she and Castle stepped off of the elevator.

"In the box. He looks like he's nursing a monster hangover," Karpowski warned.

"I'll show him a monster hangover," she said as she headed for the box. The man sitting at the table looked like he'd been on a three-day bender. He was nursing a couple of days' worth of stubble and his eyes were red-rimmed and watery. Kate slammed his file folder down as she sat down across from him as Castle took his usual seat beside her. "Mr. Bryant, I'm Det. Beckett. This is Mr. Castle. Have you been advised of your rights?"

"Yeah, yeah," he said wearily. "I don't know what this is about. I was sound asleep and you guys come barging you like you're the fuckin' Gestapo."

"Where were you yesterday afternoon between twelve and 12:30?"

"I was in jail in Williamsburg. My brother wasn't able to get me bailed out until almost 11 last night."

"You were in jail in Brooklyn? What were the charges?"

"Drunk and disorderly. I got into a bar fight night before last. Why? Is my ex accusing me of violating my restraining order again? If she is, she's lying. I was in jail. It's easy enough to check out."

"You're awaiting sentencing on sexual abuse charges. Your ex said that you threatened her and your kids if you went to prison."

"Yeah, I threatened them. I was pissed! What's going on?"

"Your daughter Sophia was gunned down two blocks from your ex-wife's home yesterday afternoon."

"She's dead?" Michael Bryant looked genuinely shocked. "Somebody killed my Sophia? Are Andy and Suzi okay?"

"They're fine. Did anybody else hear you threaten your family?" Kate asked.

"Yeah, my whole family heard it. I said it in the middle of a family gathering."

"How big of a family are we talking about?" Castle piped in.

"Uh, that would be my mother, my stepfather, four brothers, three brothers-in-law and a dozen cousins."

"Did any of your family members think that you meant the threat seriously?" Kate asked.

"They probably all did. At the time, I meant it, too. I didn't molest my daughter, detective, and Mister Whoever-You-Are," he glared at Castle. "Sophia came onto me."

Kate jumped up so fast that Castle didn't even see it coming. "She came onto you? Are you fucking kidding me? She was a child, a little girl! You destroyed her innocence! You took away her childhood! How dare you sit there and say that a five-year-old child seduced you! Is that why you were turning to Suzi? Did Sophia get too old for you?" She screamed as she shoved the table at him until he was pinned against the wall.

"Beckett!" Esposito and Ryan came running in to pull her off of him before Gates got wind of what was going on. "Castle, get her out of here!"

"Kate, come on," Castle took her by the arm. "Let's get some air."

"I don't see how the sex crimes detectives do this job day after day," she said as she began heaving for air. "I was in that room with him for 15 minutes and I want to take a shower. How dare he say that little girl seduced him! How dare he!"

"If he was in jail, his alibi's going to be easy enough to check out," Castle told her.

"This job used to make sense. Nothing makes sense, anymore. If we have to cut him loose, I swear I'm going to lose it."

"But, you have to face the fact that you might have to do exactly that."

"I have to make a phone call," she said as Castle stopped her. "What?"

"Let Ryan or Espo do it. You need to take a step back."

"Castle, what're you talking about? I'm in control here."

"No, you're not. You're angry and while I don't blame you, that anger is causing you to spin out of control. Go talk a walk, go see Lanie, go do something, just get out of here for a little while. The boys and I have things under control up here."

Kate sighed. In other words, he was telling her to go and talk to Lanie before she heard about the miscarriage during a booty call with Esposito. "Fine, Castle. But I'm done crying."

"I know that you think you are," he answered, because he knew that nothing could be further from the truth. Neither of them were done crying, they had just put it on the shelf for the time being.

Lanie was busy looking through her microscope at God only knew what when Kate strolled in. "Hey, girl. Is this a social call? I know I haven't called you about any murder victims. Did you catch the son of a bitch who killed his daughter?"

"We just finished interrogating him. There's a very real possibility that he didn't do it."

"No shit? Are you sure?"

"He claims that he was in jail in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. Castle's going to help Ryan and Espo check it out. They threw me out of my own interrogation."

"Who? Kevin and Javi? Why in the hell would they do that?"

"Lanie, there's something that I need to tell you," Kate took a deep breath as she looked at her second best friend.

"Come on, let's go into my office," Lanie said as Kate followed her into her small, extremely cluttered office. "What's going on? Is it you and Castle?"

"Kind of. Lanie, I . . . I lost the baby."

"Oh sweetie," Lanie breathed as tears came into her eyes. "I'm so sorry."

"It happened over the holiday weekend."

"What holiday? Do you mean the Fourth of July? Kate, why didn't you say something?"

"It happened so fast and I didn't want all of you feeling sorry for me. It was so hard after I came back to work after I got shot and then after what I went through with the sniper . . . I just didn't want the pity."

"Kate, you can't bear this alone. I mean, I know that you have Castle, but men don't understand what it's like to carry a baby. How is Castle, by the way?"

"He's trying so hard, but sometimes I feel like I'm trying to push him away. We can't seem to connect anymore."

"Have you tried talking to him? Please tell me we're not going to go back to the non-communication issues again. Remember the locked room?" Lanie reminded her of something that she'd threatened her friend with several months before.

"What do I say to him? I'm sorry that I lost your child? I feel so guilty," she put her head in her hands.

"Guilty for what? Were you doing anything to put that baby in jeopardy? Were you drinking or doing drugs? No," she answered her own question. "What do you have to feel guilty about?"

"That day in Dr. Caldwell's office when she told me that I was pregnant, I was just completely floored. I wasn't ready for a baby, Lanie. Castle and I had just barely gotten engaged. The whole way home I was thinking about how I was going to do this. How was I going to manage a baby and a career? I mean, I know that my mother did it. But, I'm not my mother. I saw babies as something that was in the future. Way in the future."

"Until you met Writer-Boy," Lanie smiled.

"Yeah, I definitely saw us with a couple of kids. In two or three years. I wanted us to be a couple for a little while. But Lanie, you should've seen Rick's face when I told him. He was like a kid who'd unwrapped the best Christmas present ever. He'd go to sleep at night with his hand on my stomach, as if he were protecting the two of us. It convinced me that I was ready for this."

"Do you know what happened?"

"No, and that's the maddening part. How can something so tragic happen for no reason? I went to take a nap and 45 minutes later, I was practically bleeding to death on the bathroom floor. I can still see Castle's face when he picked me up off of that floor. He was absolutely terrified."

"I can understand why. Are you okay now?"

"Yeah, I saw Dr. Caldwell when I got back. She gave me the same speech that that P.A. in East Hampton gave me. 'Sometimes these things just happen.' She told me that there's no reason why Castle and I can't try again."

"My mother told me once that a miscarriage is sometimes Mother Nature's way of taking care of a problem that isn't meant to be."

"I've read up on so much stuff regarding miscarriages on the Internet and they all say different things. But, all of those different things don't tell me anything about how to make my heart stop hurting! They don't tell me how to make this emptiness inside of me go away! They don't tell me how to explain to Castle that I still love him, even though I'm scared of showing it!"

Lanie came over and pulled Kate close as both women cried. "You're going to figure it out. That's what makes you as tough as you are."

The conversation was interrupted by Kate's cell. "Beckett," she took a deep breath as she answered. "Okay, I'll be up there in a minute," she disconnected the call as she stood up. "I've gotta get back."

"Kate?" Lanie called to her as she turned around. "Call me if you just need to talk. I'll talk with you, cry with you, whatever you need."

"Thank you, Lanie," she gave her a small smile as she left the morgue.

The three men were standing by Kate's desk when she stepped off of the elevator. "Bryant's alibi checks out. He was arrested night before last after he got into a fight at a bar in Williamsburg. His brother wasn't able to post his bail until 10:45 last night," Ryan reported as Kate took a deep breath.

"Okay," she sighed. "Cut him loose. Then, I want you and Esposito to go back and canvas the neighborhood. Talk to anybody who might've seen anything. Also, check with Mrs. Bryant's neighbors and see if they noticed anything."

"You've got it," Ryan said as he headed for the holding cell where Michael Bryant was imprisoned.

"Are you okay?" Castle asked her.

"I wanted it to be him, Castle. He was already good for doing it once. I wanted it to be him so that I could wrap this up in a nice, neat little bow and present it to the D.A. I wanted it to be him so that I could get the image of that little girl lying on that sidewalk out of my head. So no, I'm not okay."

"Kate," he sat in his usual chair as he watched her, "maybe you're pushing yourself too hard."

"When have you not known me to push myself hard, Castle? It's what I do. It's part of who I am. You've known that for five years now."

"I'm just saying that if you keep pushing at this level, you're going to burn out."

"So, maybe I'll crash and burn," she glared at him. "It isn't like it hasn't happened before."

She got up and walked away, leaving him feeling perplexed and worried. He'd been her soft place to fall for over a year now. She'd almost 'crashed and burned' as she put it a year and a half before when they'd gotten a sniper case that had come too soon after her shooting. At that time, she hadn't completely had him to fall back on. He'd wanted to be that soft place for her, but Javi had warned him to back off and give her some space. It had been Javi who had helped her get over the terror. It had been Javi who had told her to take what she thought of as her weakness from the PTSD and make it a strength.

While the episodes had diminished since her near crash of over a year ago, there were still times when Castle could see the PTSD trying to take over her life again. When the look in her eyes was so haunted that it made him long to take her into his arms and protect her from everything. When she'd wake up at night screaming that she was falling from a rooftop and he wasn't there to save her. He just wanted to make her pain go away. He wanted to tear that wall down once and for all.

***CCC***

Ryan and Espo didn't hit pay dirt in their investigation until they started talking to Mrs. Bryant's neighbors. "How long have you known Mrs. Bryant?" They asked the woman living next door.

"Since her oldest was a baby. It's so sad about that little girl," the woman's eyes misted over.

"Have you seen the kids walking toward the store?" Ryan asked.

"All of the time. Sometimes my own kids go with them. I saw little Sophia walking up there yesterday. Her and Kyle."

"Who's Kyle?" Esposito asked, looking at his notes. There was nobody named 'Kyle' listed in his notes.

"Julia's boyfriend. I thought that he was walking Sophia to the store. He's always hanging out with the kids in the neighborhood. They think that he's the pied piper."

"And, you said that he was walking with Sophia?" Ryan confirmed.

"Well, not that you mention it, it was kind of strange. He wasn't actually walking _with _her. He was walking behind her."

"Do you remember what Kyle was wearing?"

"Jeans and a gray sweatshirt," the woman answered.

"A hooded sweatshirt?" Ryan asked, feeling slightly sick.

"Yeah, that's right."

"Thank you," Ryan thanked her as they left the house. Ryan pulled out his cell phone and called Beckett. "Beckett, you need to bring Julia Bryant back in."

"Why? What did you find out?"

"Julia Bryant has a boyfriend. One of the neighbors saw him following Sophia to the store yesterday. His clothes match the description of the shooter."

"Is she home right now?"

"No."

"She might've taken the kids to the doctor like I asked her to yesterday. Find out what you can about the boyfriend," she instructed him as she ended the call.

Kate sat in silence after she got off of the phone with Ryan. "What's going on?" Castle asked as he saw the look on her face.

"Castle, what're the odds of being in a relationship with a second man who's a sexual predator?" She then told him what Ryan had disclosed on the phone.

"Well, some women gravitate toward the same kind of man. It's not as far-fetched as it might sound."

"How could one woman be so blind?"

"Well, the saying goes that love is blind," he gave her a small lopsided grin, hoping that she'd return it. "Maybe you can ask her yourself," he nodded toward the open elevator as Julia Bryant stepped off of it with the two children in tow. "You want me staying with the kids?"

"Do me a favor, Castle," she said as she stood up. "Talk to Suzi."

"Kate, she might not be comfortable talking to a man," he reminded her.

"Okay, I'll handle it when I come back. If the boys come back, have them come to the observation area."

"Okay."

"Mrs. Bryant, let's go and talk," Kate said as she led the way.

"Hey, who wants a soda?" Castle asked, clapping his hands as he smiled at the two kids.

After they walked into the interrogation room, Kate closed the door and motioned for Mrs. Bryant to take a seat. "We picked up your ex early this morning."

"Is he in jail?" She asked as she sat up straighter in her chair.

"He didn't do it."

"How can you be sure?"

"He has an ironclad alibi. He was in jail in Brooklyn at the time. There's no way that he could've shot your daughter."

"But maybe he got out—"

"He wasn't bailed out until late last night. Mrs. Bryant, did you take the children to the doctor?"

"Yes. Here's his report. He said that neither of them had been molested."

"That's good news," Kate gave her a phony smile. "Mrs. Bryant, you didn't tell me yesterday that you have a boyfriend."

"Kyle? Yeah, we've been going out for nine months now. The kids love him. Why are you asking about Kyle?"

"So, Kyle's aware of what your ex-husband was on trial for?"

"Yeah. He went with us to court."

"Was he there in the courtroom when Sophia testified?"

"I asked him to be there for moral support. I didn't have anybody else. Why are you asking all of these questions about Kyle?" She asked again, her voice beginning to rise.

"What is Kyle's last name?"

"Hancock. Detective, what's going on? Kyle wouldn't do this. He loves my kids."

"One of your neighbors saw him following Sophia to the store."

"He walks up there with them sometimes."

"Mrs. Bryant, if you're walking _with _someone, you're usually walking by their side. If you're _following _them, you're usually walking _behind _them. Before Sophia testified, was he aware of what your ex-husband had done to her?"

"No, I never discussed any of that with him."

"Did he ask questions about it? _Morbidly _curious questions?"

"Now that you mention it, yes. I kept telling him that I didn't know what Michael had done to her. All Sophia would ever tell me was that he'd come into her bedroom at night. I didn't want to know all of the details. It was hard enough to sit in the courtroom and listen to her."

"Mrs. Bryant, I need to talk to Suzanne," she held her hand up as she saw Mrs. Bryant starting to protest. "While he might not have done anything to her, it doesn't mean that he didn't possibly try. She might also know more than she's willing to tell you. Please let me talk to her. I'll be as gentle and as sensitive as I can."

"Are you sure that it was Kyle who did this?"

"We won't know for sure until we pick him up and talk to him, but it's beginning to look that way," she heard a rap on the outside glass. "Excuse me." She stepped out to find Ryan and Esposito waiting for her. "I want you to take Mrs. Bryant and get all of the information that you can regarding Kyle Hancock. I'm going to talk to the other little girl."

As Kate walked up to her desk, she smiled at the sight of Castle spinning the two kids around in her chair. "If those kids throw up on the floor, you're cleaning it up, Castle," she said as she walked over and opened one of her desk drawers and removed a bag of gummy bears from it.

"Are you kidding? I'd spin Alexis in my office chair for hours at a time. She never got sick once," he teased back as he saw the bag of candy in her hand.

Kate knelt down in front of the chair as she faced Suzi. The little girl had dark brown hair that ended in ringlets at her shoulders. Her brown eyes were huge in her small face. "Suzanne –"

"Suzi," the little girl quickly corrected her as Kate smiled.

"Okay, I'm sorry. Suzi, my name is Kate. I'm a police officer. Your mother thinks that it'll be okay if you and I go somewhere and talk for a little while. Do you think that you could talk to me for a few minutes?"

"Are those for me?" She pointed toward the gummies.

"Yes, they are," Kate smiled. "You can also borrow this while we talk," she removed her gold shield and showed it to her. "This is my detective's badge. Would you like to hold it?" The little girl nodded as Kate handed her badge over. "Come on. You can hold onto that for me."

Kate led the little girl into the box and closed the door. "Do you bring all of the bad guys in here?" Suzi asked as she looked around.

"Some of them," Kate sat down and opened the bag of gummy bears, placing some in front of the little girl.

"This is heavy," Suzi commented as she hefted Kate's badge in her hand. "Am I in trouble?"

"No, sweetie. You're not in trouble," Kate was quick to assure her. "Suzi, I need to ask you some questions about Kyle."

"No," the little girl quickly shook her head as her lower lip started to tremble.

"Did Sophia tell you anything about Kyle?"

"She said that he was a bad man. But, he buys us candy. She's wrong."

"Suzi, did Kyle ask you to do anything?" The little girl shook her head vehemently. "It's okay. You're not going to get in trouble."

"The bad man shooted Sophia. I don't want to get shooted."

"Suzi, did Kyle have a gun?"

"He showed it to me," she began to cry. "He said that if I told, he'd shoot my mommy and Andy and Sophia. He'd tell the police that my daddy did it."

"Suzi, do you remember when he told you this?"

"The other day."

"Did he tell you that he'd shoot your mommy, Andy, and Sophia the day that Sophia got hurt?"

"No, it was before. Sophia saw him talking to me under the blankets on the couch. She got really mad and yelled at me to go to my room."

"Did she tell your mom?"

"I don't know."

"Did you hear Sophia talking to Kyle after she told you to go to your room?"

"No. But when she came back to my room, she told me to stay away from Kyle."

Kate sat back as she ran her hand through her hair. Sophia had been trying to protect her little sister and had paid the ultimate price. "I'm going to take you back to your mommy now," Kate said as she got up and picked up the bag of candy.

"Do I have to give this back?" Suzi asked, as she held the badge up.

"Yeah, I have to have that. But, I'll make a trade," Kate knelt down and offered her the bag of candy. The little girl shyly smiled as she made the trade. Her smile made Kate want to weep.

Ryan and Esposito looked up as they saw Kate approaching them, holding Suzi's hand as she led her back to her mother. "We put out an APB out on the boyfriend."

"Did Suzi tell you anything?" Mrs. Bryant asked as she held her daughter close to her.

"Yeah, she told me everything. Sophia was trying to protect her. I can't go into a lot of details right now, but your daughter was a hero, Mrs. Bryant."

Kate turned and quickly left the squad room. Ryan motioned for Castle to follow her. He caught her at the elevator as the doors were closing. "Take a walk with me," he looked at her as he reached for her hand. She took his hand as she felt the familiar feel of his fingers curling around hers.

"She was trying to protect her little sister, Castle," she said as they left the precinct and began walking down the street. "I guess she caught him trying to molest Suzi. I suspect that she threatened to tell her mother. He couldn't allow that to happen. So he followed her to the store and waited for her to come out. When she came out, he shot her point blank in the chest."

"Are you going to question him when they pick him up?"

"Something tells me that's not going to be a good idea. I'll let Ryan and Esposito handle it. I feel like I'm going to explode, Castle! I just feel all of this rage inside of me and if it doesn't come out, I'm going to implode from the pressure of it."

"Maybe you should pay a visit to your trainer friend," he suggested as they continued walking. "A good workout could help expend some of that rage that you're feeling."

"Do you feel like just standing in a room and screaming? Since it happened, I mean?"

"Every day," he admitted. "Especially when I see how sad you are."

"I'm not sad anymore, Castle. I mean, I am, but not like I was before. Now I'm just pissed off. I feel like I'm pissed off all of the time. I want us back," she stopped walking as she turned toward him.

"I've been right here, Kate. I haven't gone anywhere."

"Then why do I feel like we're slipping away," huge tears started rolling down her face as she clutched his hands in hers.

"I don't have all of the answers," he told her in a quiet voice. "But you and I both know somebody who could help you find those answers."

"I'll call him when we get home," she took a deep breath as her cell rang. She saw that it was Ryan. "What've you got, Ryan?"

"Patrol just picked up Kyle Hancock at his job. They're bringing him in now. Did you want to question him when he gets here?"

"No, you and Esposito question him. We'll be there in a few minutes," she hung up and looked at Castle. "They're bringing Kyle Hancock in. Let's watch the boys fry the motherfucker."

***CCC***

When Kate walked into the loft with Castle later that afternoon, she was exhausted. But it was the good kind of exhausted that comes from wrapping up a case and putting the bad guy behind bars. Listening to the boys interrogate him, she and Castle learned that it had gone down pretty much the way that Kate had described to Castle. Sophia had threatened to go to her mother after catching Kyle with her little sister. Panicking, he'd followed the 10-year-old to the neighborhood store the next afternoon and had waited as she went inside to buy her candy and soda. When she exited the store, he called her name and when she turned around; he pulled the gun from his sweatshirt and shot her with it.

"Well, you got to wrap the case up with a neat little bow and give it to the D.A.," Castle pointed out to her as he fixed himself a drink.

"It doesn't feel quite as satisfying as I thought that it would," she sat on the sofa. "A child is still dead, a mother is left to not only have to bury that child, but to wonder what the hell she subjected her children to, not once, but twice. I have a phone call to make, and then I'm going to take a shower."

"Do you need somebody to wash your back?" He gave her that familiar grin.

She smiled as she looked at him. He was trying so hard. She wanted to reach out and take his hand, and pull him to her, but something was holding her back. "Not tonight, Castle," she finally said as she turned and went toward their bedroom.

Castle sat at his desk nursing his drink as he watched her retreating back going toward their bedroom. He missed the warmth of her body as they joined together in ecstasy. He missed the little sounds that emanated from her throat as he trailed his lips and hands over every inch of her delectable flesh. Like her, he also missed them. He didn't understand how you could be in the same room with somebody and yet feel as if you were miles apart.

**A/N: Okay, in the next chapter I'm going to play all of the King's men and start the task of putting Castle and Beckett back together. The next chapter I'll start adding more romantic Caskett into the mix. I also have plans for Alexis and Kate.**


	7. Chapter 7--Clawing Back Inch by Inch

**Disclaimers: Nope, still not mine.**

**Summary: Like the nursery rhyme, it's time to put 'Humpty Dumpty' back together again. There'll be a lot of making out Caskett in this one, but no sex. I'm saving that for a couple of future chapters. Yes, I said a couple.**

**A/N #1: We just brought a new convert over to the 'Castle' universe. She hasn't seen Season 5, yet. She asked what was good in Season 5. I told her any episode that has Castle and Beckett making out is a good episode, so here's my homage to that. With just a **_**tiny **_**bit of angst thrown in.**

**A/N #2: The movie '10 Things I Hate About You' is one of my favorites, so I had to put a reference to it in here.**

**A/N #3: The comment that Kate makes later about wanting to take Castle to bed and f**k his brains out is from the bloopers from Season 4, which can be found on YouTube. After all, I think that's something that every woman on this site has fantasies about.**

Chapter 7: Clawing Back Inch by Inch

_Late August_

"So, are things getting better?" Dr. Burke asked from his usual chair as he stared across the room at his patient.

" A little," Kate admitted. "Sometimes Castle says something that makes me laugh. Something that reminds me of _before_."

"Before what, Kate?"

"You know what before I'm talking about."

"You don't even say the words, do you? We've talked about this before. When you came to me after the bomb. Not talking about things doesn't make them go away. Those things just get compartmentalized deep down inside of you like everything else that you refused to talk about for years."

"I don't want to cry about it, anymore."

"What about Castle?"

"What about him?"

"Don't you think that maybe he needs to cry about it?"

"I don't know. He's the Castle that I knew before this happened. He jokes around with the boys, he does little things to annoy me. He's _typical _Castle."

"He might act and seem like the Castle that you knew before the miscarriage, but I can assure you that he probably isn't. I'm sure that he's avoiding the issue because he doesn't want to hurt you any further. When is his family coming home?" Dr. Burke changed the subject.

"Alexis will be home Friday afternoon. She has to pick up her class schedule for the fall semester. Then she's going to go back and return late on Labor Day."

"What about you and Castle? Are you going to go to the house for the holiday?"

"I'm on the rotation to work that weekend. I think Castle's going up, but he hasn't decided for sure."

"Have you been back to the house since the miscarriage?"

"I haven't had the time."

"You haven't had the time or you're avoiding the place where you feel like your life crashed down on you?" He looked at her pointedly.

"My life crashed down on me 14 years ago when I came home from what was supposed to be a family dinner and learned that my mother had been murdered. Believe me, my life didn't crash down on me that weekend."

"Kate, you might not have felt it moving inside of you yet, but it was still your child that you lost . . . "

"Can you please _stop _talking about that?"

"You came to me three weeks ago and told me that you felt that you and Castle were drifting apart. Not talking about _that _is part of the reason why. You're shutting him out because you don't want to deal with the pain of more loss. Take long walks with him, or go out for romantic dinners. But, you need to start talking _to him _about what happened that weekend. Crying is cathartic, Kate. There's nothing weak about tears."

As she drove home from her appointment, Kate hit the steering wheel in fury. Who in the hell did Burke think he was? Egotistical, pompous asshole! But she also realized that he had brought up some good points. He had helped her in the past. He never chastised her when she'd be okay for a few months and then suddenly call him because she felt as if her life was spinning out of control. He'd helped her learn to put her mother's death where it belonged, in her past. Like he'd told her, it was part of her life and she was never going to get over it, but it wasn't healthy to let it consume her as it once had. One day she'd figure out a way to bring Bracken down and she'd truly be at peace.

She hadn't noticed that she never referred to the miscarriage. After everybody at the 12th had learned what had happened, there no longer seemed to be a reason to keep re-hashing it. She used code words to talk about what had happened, but the words 'losing the baby' or 'miscarriage' never came up in conversation. She also knew that she'd never really sat down with Rick and had a conversation about the horrible events of that weekend. He'd been willing to give her space, just like he always had. But, maybe it was time to stop running and hiding, like she'd done with him for more than four years.

She was surprised to find Alexis home when she entered the loft. "I thought that you weren't coming home until Friday," Kate said as Alexis greeted her with a hug.

"I wanted to come back early. I'm meeting some friends for dinner, so I won't be in yours' and daddy's way."

"Alexis, you're never in our way. Your dad had a meeting with Black Pawn, but he's going to be thrilled that you're home. Did you tell him that you were here?"

"No, I just got home about half an hour ago. I was just going to sit and watch a movie. I'm not meeting my friends until six. Do you want to watch with me?"

"It's not a zombie movie, is it?" Kate asked with a dubious expression. Castle's tastes tended to run in the horror and action genre, which was okay some of the time.

"No, it's '10 Things I Hate About You," Alexis smiled. "I remember watching this movie with my mom when I was younger. I didn't get it until I was a teenager."

"I love that movie!" Kate gushed. "Popcorn!"

When Castle entered the loft a short time later, he smiled at the sight of both of his girls on the sofa, a huge bowl of popcorn between them as they were laughing at the TV. It was so wonderful to hear Kate laugh again. He'd missed that sound desperately. "Hey, Kate? Do you think that my dad would ever serenade you like that?" She asked, referring to one of the scenes in the movie.

"I don't know. We could always ask him now," she smiled as Castle came over and kissed first her, and then his daughter.

"A chick flick? No!" He shrieked in mock horror. "And yeah, I'd totally do that."

"You'd pay a marching band to serenade me on a football field?" Kate watched him as he took off his suit jacket.

"Oh, but not just _any _marching band on _any _football field. I'd hire the U.S. Army Marching Band and I'd serenade you at the Meadowlands during a Jets game."

"Great, so I'd get embarrassed on the JumboTron," Kate groaned as Alexis started laughing.

"One of the many perks of being engaged to a millionaire," he waggled his eyebrows at her as he went toward the bedroom.

"Once when I was six, he rented the Central Park Zoo for the day," Alexis looked at Kate. "Sometimes he thinks he's Bruce Wayne."

Alexis left the apartment shortly after five, leaving Castle and Kate alone for the evening. "How was your appointment?" He asked as he came over and collapsed on the sofa beside her.

"I should ask you the same question," she couldn't help but notice how tired he looked.

"I asked first."

"I'm being accused of skirting issues again."

"I've just been waiting for you, Kate. I told you that I'm not going anywhere."

"Can we go to our swings?"

_Their_ swings. So many things had been talked about at _their _swings. Their swings were where she told him about her wall for the first time. That was when he had a faint glimmer of hope that maybe they had a shot at a relationship. The morning after she'd come to him soaking wet, she told him that she'd gotten in that condition after sitting on her swing, thinking about how much she wanted him. The last time they'd gone to their swings had been in May when he'd originally asked her to marry him. For some reason, a lot of their issues seemed to get resolved on a simple piece of playground equipment.

"Let's go," he stood up and held his hand out to her.

When they arrived at the park, there were still a lot of parents there with their children, but their two swings were empty of any occupants. "I didn't realize it until Dr. Burke mentioned it today, but I don't address what happened by the words. I talk about it in code like it's something that I should be ashamed of."

"I don't think that you're ashamed of it. I think that it's just still too painful to say the words."

"I'm afraid, Castle."

"Afraid of what?"

"Trying again. I think that's why I avoid letting you get too close. I think that if we don't make love, then I won't get pregnant. And, if I don't get pregnant, I can't get hurt again."

"Kate, we can use condoms. In addition to the pill. We can use condoms until you're ready for us to try again."

"That Wednesday night when we got to the house, I knew that something was wrong. Do you remember when I grabbed your arm?" He nodded as she continued. "I got so dizzy. I thought it was because I was still half-asleep. But, the next day when we were walking, it happened again."

"That's why you wanted to get out of the sun," he said as she nodded.

"I told Dr. Caldwell about it, and she said that it might not have had anything to do with why I lost the baby. But, she said that we'll probably never know. And, she said even if I had said something, she's not sure it would've prevented what happened."

Castle sat on his swing, pushing the toes of his shoes into the dirt as he remembered that awful afternoon. It flashed through his mind like a scene from a very bad movie every time he thought of it. He remembered Kate's piercing scream for help and running upstairs to find her sitting in a pool of blood, shaking and crying for him. He remembered how tightly she'd clung to him at the hospital as he tried to comfort her. He remembered the brief twinge of hurt that had passed through him when she'd asked for her dad instead of leaning on him. "She did say that everything was okay though, didn't she?"

"Yeah, she said that it just sometimes happens. She said we probably could've tried again within a week or two of the miscarriage," she looked out into the distance where some children were playing on a merry-go-round. "The day that she told me that I was pregnant, I was shocked."

"I'm sure that you were."

"No, you don't understand, Castle. Until I told you and saw how excited you got, I wasn't sure if I was happy with the news or not. But, when I told you and your face just lit up like I'd given you the best Christmas present ever, I was happy, too. I'm sorry that I took that away from you," her voice broke as tears started running down her cheeks.

He jumped up off of his swing, stepped over and pulled her to her feet as he pulled her into his arms as she wrapped her arms around his waist and held on for dear life. "I love you, Kate Beckett," he whispered into her hair as he held her tightly. "One day, we're going to have a dozen kids running around. I promise."

"A dozen, Castle?" She pulled back and looked at him with red, swollen eyes. "Right now, I'll settle for just one."

"But, can we just practice until our wedding night?"

"Well, I think that we've got things perfected, but I'm all for practice makes perfect," she smiled as he kissed her. "I just want to go home and make out."

"Where? On the living room sofa? In our bed? In the bathtub? I've got it!" He pulled back as he grinned at her. "In my office!"

"I actually like the bathtub idea," she kissed him, pulling at his lower lip with her teeth. "We can light a bunch of candles and see where the mood takes us."

"What about the—"

"Forget the condoms. I hate them. We'll just take our chances. What time is Alexis due back?"

"I don't know. I'll text her and find out."

A little while later, Kate was busy lighting tea candles in the bathroom when Castle came in. "Wow, this is very romantic," he breathed as she blew out the match. "Alexis won't be home until later."

Kate turned toward him and gave him that smile that he'd missed so much in the last month and a half. It had taken him forever to draw that smile out of her and once he had, it took his breath away every time he saw it. "Get your clothes off, Castle," she said as she slowly removed her own clothes before stepping into the tub.

He quickly shed his own clothes before getting into the hot water and pulling her against his chest as he encircled his arms around her. Unlike the last time when they'd bathed together during the Sophia Bryant murder investigation, this time Castle could actually feel her relaxing into his body. "I was thinking," he kissed her neck, "that maybe we could sneak away for a quiet weekend before the holidays. If you don't want to go to the Hamptons house, maybe we could go to your father's cabin for a few days."

"Me, you and a roaring fire," she smiled as he kissed her neck again, sending shivers down her spine. "I like that idea."

"I know that the beach house holds bad memories for you, but the fall is the perfect time to go before the weather gets cold. The beach will be mostly deserted, which means we'll have privacy."

"No, we need to go back," she turned so that she was facing him as she wrapped her long legs around his waist. "I need to come to terms with what happened. It's the only way that I'm going to move past it. That _we're_ going to move past it. It was painful for both of us, Castle. It was your loss, too."

"I couldn't bear to take you back up to that room after I brought you home that afternoon," he remembered. "Poor Alexis," he sighed as he fought back the tears that were forming in his eyes. "In her 19 years on this planet, I don't remember ever crying in front of her."

"Oh, Castle," she breathed as she put her fingers on his lips.

"She came upstairs . . . while I was cleaning the bathroom. She completely took over. I think that she asked me to get you some clothes. I got up and just . . . lost it. She got up and she held me. She comforted me," he choked on a sob. "She held me and cried with me like she was the parent and I was the child, instead of the other way around!"

"Castle, I'm so sorry," she wrapped her arms around his neck as he pulled her closer to him. "I didn't mean to break your heart."

"When you screamed for me and I came upstairs and found you in the bathroom, I knew what was happening. But my only thought was getting you to a hospital before you bled to death. I've never seen so much blood. I was so scared that you were going to die on me."

"Me, too," she whispered against his neck. "I'm sorry that I wanted my dad instead of you. You must have felt so rejected by me."

"No," he pulled her away so that he could look into her eyes. "I won't deny that I was hurt, but I understand."

"When my dad took me out on the beach that day, he told me to watch you, to take care of you. He said that I'd know what to look for. He told me to remember that you were hurting, too."

"All I've ever wanted was for you to be happy. I've made a lot of mistakes over the years trying to make that happen," he smiled as she smiled back. "Anytime that you're hurting, I'm hurting. Hopefully, this will be the last thing that hurts us for a very long time. Because when I see that million dollar smile of yours, I feel like the luckiest man in the world. Your father told me once that he hasn't seen you smile like you do with me since before your mom died."

"You do realize that there are times when you still annoy the hell out of me?"

"I do it on purpose," he gave her one of those famous Rick Castle grins. "It keeps you on your toes."

"Yeah, well I'll keep you on your toes," she kissed him, forcing his mouth open as her tongue moved in to invade the inside of his mouth.

He had no recourse but to kiss her back, his tongue as hungry and seeking as hers was as he pulled her even tighter into his body, as if that was even possible. He moved one hand down the front of her to cup her breasts, as she hissed her approval. All of the blood in his body seemed to immediately travel south as he teased her nipple under his finger and thumb before moving to her other breast and repeating the same motion.

In the position that she was currently in, Kate could feel him pressing insistently between her thighs. "Castle, I think that somebody wants to play," she reached down to grasp him firmly in her hand.

"What can I say? He always wants to play," he roamed both hands down her body, enjoying the feel of her wet skin under his hands. He let his lips and tongue travel down her neck to her collarbone, kissing and nipping the entire way as she squirmed against him. "I thought that we were just making out," he reminded her.

"Well, there's making out and there's making out," she pulled away to grin at him as she continued sliding her hand up and down his erection, feeling him getting harder by the second. "Do you really want me to stop doing this, Castle?" She asked, with an all too familiar gleam in her hazel eyes.

"That's a stupid question," he grinned at her. "So, since you don't want to stop doing what you're doing, I suppose that you won't have a problem with me doing this," she gasped out loud as his fingers descended on that one spot in her body where it seemed that every nerve ending she had was located.

When he entered her with first one, and then two fingers, as he continued stroking her, she gave out a loud scream of ecstasy as she shuddered against him. "Wow," she breathed against his chest as he lightly stroked her back. "That was like . . . drinking water again after being in the desert for a week. Let's get out of here," she pulled away as she kissed him hungrily. "I have this insane urge to drag you into that bedroom right now and fuck your brains out."

As he watched her sleep in their huge king-sized bed later after they'd completely wore each other out from a round of passionate, intense lovemaking, he hoped that she was finally once again tearing that wall down around her. At least they had finally talked; something that they hadn't done since the miscarriage in July. She sighed contentedly in her sleep as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into the warmth of his body.

**A/N #4: Sorry that this chapter was so short. I'm trying to make this story 10 chapters long. The next chapter will also be short followed by a longer chapter and finally a wedding. I love writing weddings! I want my version of the Castle wedding to be very special.**


	8. Chapter 8--Romance in the Hamptons

**Disclaimers: Do I own 'Castle?' Wait a minute while I stop laughing. No, I just wish that I owned 'Castle.'**

**Summary: The Hamptons, a chilly October weekend, a roaring fire, and Caskett. Need I say more? If this chapter goes as planned, it will have a hard 'M' rating.**

**A/N #1: Two more chapters after this one. **

Chapter 8: Romance in the Hamptons

_Late October_

As Castle drove toward the house in the Hamptons, he stole an occasional glance at Kate. It had been almost four months since she'd lost the baby. This weekend was the first time they'd come back since the Fourth of July weekend. She'd finally stopped getting that haunted look in her eyes when they spotted a pregnant woman or an infant. He felt like they were both finally starting to heal. He hoped that this weekend would present an opportunity to put the last pieces behind them.

It was a brilliant day, sunny with just a hint of autumn chill in the air. It was perfect weather for long walks on the beach or in the gardens of his beautiful home, followed by an evening by a roaring fire. Maybe they could even make love by the fireplace in the master bedroom, as they had the first time that he'd brought her to the house a year before.

"Do you remember the first time I brought you here?" He grinned at her.

"How can I forget? A guy fell dead into your swimming pool. Ryan told me that's how he learned that we were a couple."

"How so?"

"One of our suspects blurted out the name of the woman that you were with. He said that her name was 'Kate,'" she looked at him as he laughed.

"Wow, I didn't think they found out until Tyson came back and framed me."

"No, they knew before that," she blew out her breath as he pulled into the drive of his magnificent home. She got out and smiled as she looked around. She didn't think that she'd ever get tired of the view. It was stunning. She knew exactly where she wanted to exchange vows with Castle in May. "Walk with me before we go into the house, Castle?" She looked over the top of the Ferrari at her fiancé.

"You want to walk on the beach now?" He was surprised, but figured that maybe she wasn't ready to go into the house just yet.

"No, I don't want to walk on the beach. Don't worry, we're not going far," she smiled as she came around the car and took his hand.

She led him around to the back of the house to the grounds by the pool area. The grounds were a brilliant green and the view was nothing short of spectacular. She could envision a flower-bedecked altar as she looked deep into Castle's eyes, making a vow to take him as her lawfully wedded husband for the rest of her life. "So, why are we out here?" He asked, as he watched her eyes. He didn't think that he could ever tire of looking at her.

"Do you remember when you brought me out here for the first time and I worried about how many women had gotten the same tour that I was getting?"

"And I told you that none of them were you," he reached for her hand as he pulled her closer. "You're the last woman who's ever going to get the tour of this house. Well, except for my future daughter or daughter-in-law."

"Castle, this is where I want us to get married. Right here, where you told me that none of those other women were me. Right here is where I want to commit my life to you in front of our family and friends."

As he gazed into her eyes, he couldn't believe how touched he was by her request. He'd thought that maybe she'd want to get married down on the beach. She'd told him that he was sentimental about their wedding date, but she was equally as sentimental as he was. He never thought those few heartfelt words would mean so much to her. "Kate, marrying you out here in this garden is so perfect," he kissed her. "I can't wait to make you my wife."

"I can't wait, either," she smiled as she returned his kiss.

After he took their bag upstairs, he came back downstairs to where Kate was looking over the pool area, her eyes far away and dreamy looking. She smiled when he slipped his arms around her and pulled her into his body. "What're you thinking about, looking so far away?"

"I was just thinking about what it's going to look like when we get married. I can see everything," she leaned into him as he trailed kisses down her neck. "The flowers, the altar, how the boys are going to look as your best men, Alexis and Lanie as my maids of honor, how beautiful your mother is going to look, my father with tears in his eyes when he walks me down the aisle. It's going to be so wonderful being Kate Castle," she craned her neck around as he planted a soft kiss on her lips.

"I can see you in the most beautiful dress that I've ever seen," he whispered as he went along with her dream wedding. "When I see you coming around to the garden, you're going to look so beautiful that you take my breath away. Your hair is going to be swept up and threaded with flowers. Your voice will get that funny little catch in it as you recite your vows to me, and I'll have to clear my throat repeatedly because I'll be speechless."

"That'll be a first," she grinned as she placed her hands over his.

"And then, later I'm going to take you to the hotel and peel that beautiful dress off of your body and make sweet love to you."

"Castle, stop," she moaned breathlessly.

"Too much?" He nibbled her earlobe as she moaned louder.

"I want to go to bed, just not yet," she turned into his arms as he kissed her, a long, slow kiss, like hundreds of other long, slow kisses that they'd shared in the past year. "Let's take a walk on the beach before you turn caveman on me, Castle."

He gave her that smile that she could never resist as he took her hand and led her back out of the house and down the path to the beach. In the fall, the Atlantic took on a far different look that it had during the summer. In the summer, the water looked inviting. In the fall and winter, the sea looked rougher and far colder, which of course it was. The waves battered the sand as they walked slowly hand in hand, not talking much, just enjoying each other's company.

"How many people do you want to invite to the wedding?" He asked as they strolled along with their fingers laced tightly together.

"I don't know. I don't want anything huge. I was thinking the guys from the 12th, your writer friends, other close friends, and of course our families. Maybe 30 to 50 people," she suggested as he nodded.

"That sounds like a nice number to me," he grinned as she leaned her head against his shoulder as they walked. "How do you feel about paparazzi?"

"Well, I know there's got to be some. After all, I'm taking one of New York City's most eligible bachelors off of the market. But, I don't want us harassed like Lindsay Lohan after a hit and run."

"I know some members of the press that owe me a favor or two. I'll give one of them exclusive rights to our nuptials. Is that okay? And, for the record, this _formerly _most eligible bachelor has been off of the market for over a year now. It seems that some long-legged, green-eyed detective swept him completely off of his feet."

"Wow, she sounds like a very lucky girl," she grinned up at him.

"She certainly thinks so," he kissed the tip of her nose as she snuggled up to him. "Are you getting cold?"

"Keep walking, Castle. You just want to take me home to bed."

"Are you going to tell me that you're not thinking the same thing?"

"Oh, I'm thinking the same thing, but good things come to those who wait."

"Well, I hope that one or the both of us will be coming very soon."

"I knew that you were going to say that!" She stopped to glare at him. "You have an incredibly dirty mind, Castle."

"Hey, who knows a trick that involves ice cubes?"

"Who likes to play with whipped cream?"

"Well, you always look good enough to eat," he smirked at her. "Whipped cream just makes things more fun."

"And stickier."

"Well, there is that," he grudgingly agreed. "But, before I take you home and to bed, I have other plans for us."

"Plans that don't involve our king-sized bed?" She was surprised. After all, this was a man who imagined her naked 99 percent of the time. Not that she was complaining. She liked being naked with him.

He glanced at his watch. "We have seven o'clock dinner reservations. On our patio," he grinned at her.

"What did you do? Hire Emeril Lagasse to cater for you or something?"

"No, but remind me to call him to cater the wedding."

"Castle, no!" She protested. "I was kidding!"

"I wasn't."

"Castle, I don't need a world-famous celebrity chef to cater our wedding," she protested again. "We can have peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for all I care. I just want to be with you for the rest of my life. You don't need to go to that extreme length to make me feel special."

"That's because you are special," she looped her arms loosely around his neck as he held her, his arms looped lightly on her waist. "Okay, so I won't call Emeril. But, I did ask one of the chefs from town to cook for us. I want our first night back in the house to be special."

"That's so sweet, Castle," she kissed his lips and then his neck as she breathed in the scent of him.

"It's because I love you so much, Kate," he tightened his arms around her as he held her tightly to him. "Come on, let's go back to the house."

Dinner on the patio was wonderful. Castle had lit candles all around the patio area as he took her hand and led her to the table, as he pulled her chair out for her. She gave him a dazzling smile as he poured her a glass of wine. As they ate the wonderful meal, they exchanged meaningful glances and little touches. By the time that dinner was over, Kate was finding it harder and harder to catch her breath.

As Castle watched Kate over dinner, as usual he couldn't get over how beautiful she was. But she looked especially lovely tonight. She was wearing a dark blue dress that plunged low in both the front and the back. Her hair had been swept up into a knot with tendrils hanging down on either side of her face. Like her, he was finding it harder and harder to concentrate on the meal. He longed to get her upstairs, and slowly peel the dress from her as he explored every inch of her body. Just the thought of it was starting to make him uncomfortably hard.

"Dinner was wonderful, Castle," she smiled as she reached for his hand, placing her fingers over his.

"The night's just getting started," he smiled, enjoying the warmth of her fingers over his.

The chef had discreetly left once the meal was served and the kitchen was cleaned up, leaving just the two of them alone in the house. Standing up, he walked over and pulled Kate's chair out for her as he took her hand and slowly led her upstairs to the master bedroom. She took in her breath when she walked in. He'd lit the fire in the fireplace as well as placing candles all over the room, much as she had the first weekend that she'd spent with him in this house. "Déjà vu, Castle?"

"Why not?" He breathed in her ear. "I thought that you liked making love in front of a roaring fire."

"Oh, I do," she leaned into him as his arms clasped around her. "But I love making love with you anywhere."

"Me too, detective. Me, too," he planted a series of soft kisses down her neck toward her shoulder as she closed her eyes in contentment.

It never failed that as soon as he touched her or kissed her, she'd find herself immediately wet and wanton. It all started with that first night when he'd shoved her against his front door expending four years worth of want and desire as he explored her hungrily. She'd been so hungry for him on that first night that she'd been the one to take his hand and lead him to _his _bedroom. Three different times that night they'd shown each other how much they wanted each other.

She moaned loudly as he continued kissing her neck and shoulder. She reached her hand behind her and touched him, feeling how hard he was as she rubbed him through his slacks, eliciting a groan of pleasure from him.

Castle reached out and pulled the zipper down on the back of her dress. He then turned her around and slowly pulled the dress from her as she stepped out of it, leaving her clad in a dark blue bra and matching panties. "You are so damn beautiful," he breathed as he reached up and pulled the clip from her hair, as it tumbled into a heap of curls around her shoulders. He then lowered her to the bed as he moved into position just above her.

Her hazel eyes turned into a murky brown as he covered her lips with his own. His teeth gently bit at her lower lip as he forced her mouth opened, swiping the inside of her mouth with his tongue as she willingly followed suit, causing him to groan into her mouth as she explored his mouth with her own tongue, tasting wine and the taste that was uniquely Castle.

His breathing was harsh and ragged as he pulled back from her, his eyes a dark blue bordering on black as he gazed down at her intently. He bent down as he placed his lips over the pulse point in her neck, as he felt how hard her heart was pounding. She moaned as he moved from her neck down to her collarbone and shoulder, kissing and nipping the tender skin along the way. "Castle," she sighed as she kneaded his back and shoulders through his shirt, feeling the way that his muscles flexed under the material.

Castle slithered his way down her body to her breasts, gently tracing his fingers over the puckered scar between her perfect breasts. The scar that had almost taken her from him. Every time he made love to her, he was faced with that reminder. That reminder that nothing would ever take her from him again. He moved his fingers to the front clasp of her bra and pulled it opened so that he could worship her still further. First he lightly kissed the scar that had been made by a sniper's bullet before he engulfed her right breast into his mouth as he let his fingers caress her left breast, feeling her nipple tighten and elongate under his fingers. Listening to her ragged breaths and occasional keening cries, he flicked her other nipple with his tongue, as her hands clawed more tightly at his back.

He moved back up to kiss her once again, slowly and tenderly, as he continued caressing her breasts. "I love you, Kate," he whispered into her ear as he kept up his onslaught on her senses, driving her crazy with need.

"I love you too, Rick," she breathed as she reached down to unbutton his shirt as she tugged it off of his shoulders, being stopped by his cuff links. "Castle, cuff links," she tugged his shirt for emphasis.

He reluctantly stood up and took out the offending items of jewelry before slipping his shirt off and letting it fall to the floor. He started to retake his position over Kate but she stopped him as she sat up with a cat who ate the canary look in her eyes. He'd seen that look many times before when they'd made love. The look that told him that the tables had just been turned.

She shrugged out of her bra as she reached forward into the waistband of his slacks, making quick work of his belt as she unbuttoned and unzipped his slacks. He slipped out of his shoes and his pants once they pooled at his feet. With that same predatory gleam in her eyes, she reached up and pulled down his black silk boxers, leaving him naked and extremely aroused to her appreciative eye. Taking his length in her hands, she slowly stroked him as he threw back his head and groaned.

Still stroking him, Kate sank to her knees in front of him. Her hands were replaced by the warmth of her mouth taking him in deep, as he groaned even louder. "Kate!" He growled her name as she licked slowly along the underside of his shaft, where the veins were pulsating. If she kept this up, he was going to seriously blow. She gently caressed his testicles as she continued licking and taking him into her mouth. "Kate, stop," he begged her.

Releasing him from her mouth, she slowly began stroking him once again as she rose to her feet. Pulling him close to her, she kissed him; her tongue once again began doing a slow dance with his as he reached down and grabbed her ass, pulling her against his hardness as she ground her hips against him, eliciting another moan from him.

He reached down and lifted her up in his arms as she wrapped her legs around him. He stepped up to the bed and dropped her down onto the mattress as he landed perfectly positioned between her legs. He kissed her hungrily before moving his way down her body, kissing and touching the entire way. When he reached her blue bikini panties, he reached into the waistband and pulled them down her body as she raised her butt to assist him.

"Castle," she cried out his name as she felt him touch her, his fingers seeking and exploring as she raised her hips to meet the motion of his fingers. Her body tensed when he replaced his fingers with his lips, tongue, and teeth. She'd learned over the past year and a half that being a wordsmith wasn't the only skill that Castle had perfected with his mouth. She clawed at the sheets, his hair, anything that she could grab to try to keep still, but it was useless. Even with Castle holding her hips firmly in place, she couldn't keep from writhing ecstatically under his mouth as he used all of his skills to bring her to orgasm after orgasm.

Listening to her cries and screams almost made Castle come right there and then. He finally ceased his ministrations between her legs and made his way back up her body. He reached down and began touching her again as she felt the spark deep inside of her flare to life once again. "I always knew that you were a sex fiend," he kissed the corners of her mouth as he eased himself into her.

"Not until I met you," she raised her hips to meet his thrusts. "God, Castle. I love you so much."

She rolled him so that he was lying on his back. She leaned down and kissed him as she moved above him. He reached his hands up and caressed her breasts, his fingers grazing over her nipples as she gradually began to move faster. Both of their bodies were slick with sweat as they moved against each other. Grabbing her hips, Rick rolled her back over as he placed his elbows under her knees, causing her to gasp with the change in angle. He reached down between their legs to where their bodies were joined together. Rubbing her with his thumb, she jerked and screamed as her body exploded in ecstasy. Hearing her chanting his name like a mantra, he was able to reach his climax, as well. She shivered against him as she felt him shoot his seed deep inside of her. She trembled intermittently as the aftershocks of her orgasm went through her now completely sated body.

He kissed her shoulder, her breasts, and finally her mouth as she pulled him closer to her. She cupped his sweat-soaked face as they shared a final, lingering kiss before he rolled off of her, flopping onto his back with a satisfied sigh. "Just when I think that it can't possibly get any better, you prove me wrong," she reached for his hand, grasping it tightly in hers as she brought it up to her lips, placing a tender kiss on his knuckles.

"It kind of makes you wonder what I have in mind for our wedding night, doesn't it?" He stole a glance at her as she grinned.

"I'll be happy with anything that doesn't involve tigers or being shot at."

"I can live with that," he agreed.

When Castle woke up early the next morning, he instinctively reached for Kate, only to find the other side of the bed empty. "Kate!" He called out as he sat up.

"Out here!" She called from the balcony outside of the second floor bedroom. He got up and grabbed his boxers from the end of the bed, slipping them on before padding outside to where Kate was sitting in one of the two patio chairs, wrapped in his bathrobe. "Good morning," she smiled as they shared the first kiss of the morning.

"It's chilly out here," he shivered to prove his point. "How long have you been up?"

"Not very long. I'm glad that you brought me back here, Castle. While the last memory tried to destroy me, the first memory of your house is still special to me," she drew him close for another long kiss.

"_Our _house," he corrected her. "This is _our _home now. Just like the loft is also _your _home. By the way, have I ever told you how hot you look in my robe?"

"How hot?" She teased against his lips.

"Very," his teeth nipped her lower lip. "Are you wearing anything under it?"

"There's only one way that you're going to find out," she stood up and took him by the hand, leading him back into the bedroom, where she opened the robe and let it fall to the floor.

The only sounds that could be heard after that was harsh breathing and the occasional moans and groans of two people who were truly in love with one another.

**A/N #2: There's going to be a birth in the next chapter. **


	9. Chapter 9--A Blessed Event and Hope for

**Disclaimers: Nope, the show still isn't mine.**

**Summary: Things come full circle for Kate Beckett as she's forced to help Jenny Ryan through one of the most important days of her life, making her see that there is indeed hope for the future for her and Castle.**

**A/N #1: I don't do outlines for my stories. I tend to write better when I just write what I'm thinking as I go along. I come up with an initial idea and just run with it. With this one, I knew that two things were going to happen. Kate was going to have a miscarriage and Jenny and Kevin Ryan were going to celebrate the birth of their first child. Enjoy, everybody!**

Chapter 9: A Blessed Event and Hope for the Future

_Early December_

It was a great day for a celebration. A group of women were gathered at the home of Jenny Ryan's sister for Jenny's baby shower. The mother-to-be was smiling and happy as she opened gift after gift. With all of her family on both sides and her many friends, it didn't appear as if the first time parents would have to buy anything for quite some time.

Kate was happy to be part of the festivities. Jenny's sister had called her after getting her number from Ryan and had begged her to come.

"_It would mean so much to Jenny if you could be there, Det. Beckett. Kevin loves you like a sister. He's always talking about you and Mr. Castle."_

"_I'd love to be there. Thank you for inviting me."_

"So, are you and Writer-Boy practicing making those little Castle babies again?" Lanie whispered in her ear as Kate blushed.

"I don't kiss and tell," Kate looked at her friend.

"Since when?" Lanie scoffed as Kate blushed even darker. "You'll be the next one that we're throwing a baby shower for."

"I hope so."

After the shower, Jenny approached Kate as she was getting ready to leave. "Kate, can you give me a ride to the 12th? Kevin told me that if I could get a ride, he'd give me a ride home," the young mother to be grimaced as she pressed a hand into her back.

"What about all of the loot?"

"My brother-in-law's going to bring it by the house later," she grimaced again.

"Are you okay?" Kate asked.

"Yeah. I think I was sitting too long in a hard chair. Hard chairs and pregnant women aren't a good combination."

"I'll give you a ride," Kate smiled. "Let me call Castle to let him know that I'll be home as soon as I drop you off," she pulled out her cell and hit his name in her contacts.

"Hello, gorgeous," his voice rumbled over the line.

"Castle, I'll be home in about an hour. I'm going to drop Jenny off to meet Kevin and then I'll be home."

"Okay. Be careful. I love you."

"I love you, too. I'll see you soon."

The day was cloudy and cool, but not unbearably cold as the two women got into Kate's Crown Victoria and headed for the 12th precinct to deliver Jenny to her husband. They were chatting amiably about Kevin and Castle when Jenny sucked her breath in hard. "Jenny, are you okay?"

"Kate, my water just broke," Jenny took a deep breath, trying not to panic.

The first thought Kate had been to ask her if she was sure. But hell, she was an expectant mother. She should know if her water had broken. "Okay, there's no need to panic," Kate said, more for her own benefit than for Jenny's. "It's your first baby, after all. From everything that I've read, we have plenty of time."

"Not once the water breaks," Jenny told her. "Kate, I think that I've been having pains all afternoon. I wasn't sure that's what they were."

"Okay, where are you having the baby at?"

"Lennox Hill," she gasped as a pain knifed through her. "Kate, I need to push!"

Kate turned on her siren as she began racing through congested city streets on her way to Lennox Hill Hospital. "Breathe, Jenny," she urged her as she whipped around cars.

"Kate, you need to stop!"

"I can't stop. We'll be at the hospital in 10 minutes!"

"Kate, I don't think we have 10 minutes!" Jenny warned her. "I need to push now!"

"Don't push!" Kate warned her. "Breathe!"

"I am breathing!" Jenny screamed at her. "And don't tell me not to push! This baby's coming one way or the other!"

Kate hadn't delivered a baby since she'd been a patrol officer. And she wasn't looking forward to delivering the baby of a good friend. But, looking at the young woman sitting beside her, she knew that she wasn't going to have a choice.

She whipped her car into the curb and picked up her mike. "This is Det. Kate Beckett, badge number 41319! I need a bus at the corner of Lexington and 103rd! I have a woman giving birth!"

"Ten-four, detective. An Ambulance is en route. ETA 15 minutes."

"Jenny, you need to lie back," Kate instructed as she went to the trunk of the car and opened it. "Damn it!" She shouted when she saw that there was nothing to shield the young woman from the passers-by on the sidewalk. She walked back to the front seat where Jenny was lying on the seat. She removed her jacket and shielded the lower half of her body as she eased down her slacks and underwear.

"Kate, I need to push!" Jenny screamed again as another contraction roared through her. "Can you call Kevin?"

"Jenny, we can have a baby here or I can call Kevin. I can't do both," Kate told her. As her laboring patient strained on the seat, she realized that she was going to need help. "Hold on!" Kate stood up and searched frantically for someone who could help her. Spotting a young woman wearing scrubs under her coat, she stopped her. "Excuse me! I'm a police officer. Are you a doctor?"

"I'm a medical assistant."

"This young woman," she pointed toward Jenny, "is in labor. There's an ambulance on the way, but she's going to give birth before it gets here. Can you go to the other end of the car and support her shoulders for me?"

"Okay," the young woman ran to the other side of the car and opened Kate's door as she lifted Jenny's shoulders in her hands. "Is the baby crowning?"

"Yeah," Kate took a deep, shaky breath.

"Have you delivered a baby before?"

"Not in about 10 years."

"I helped deliver one just a few months ago. What's your name?" The young woman asked Jenny.

"Jenny," Jenny sobbed.

"Jenny, I'm Celia. With the next contraction, you're going to push as hard as you can. Officer—"

"Det. Beckett. But, you can call me Kate."

"Okay. Jenny, on the next contraction, you're going to push as hard as you can."

"Oh God, here we go!" Jenny groaned as Celia raised her up as she pushed.

***CCC***

"Hey, Ryan! Detective Beckett just requested an ambulance at the corner of Lex and 103rd! She said something about having a woman in labor in her car!"

"Bro, that has to be Jenny!" Espo said as he and Kevin jumped to their feet. "We should call Castle!"

"Call him on the way!" Kevin yelled as they ran for the elevator. "Dude, I'm about to be a dad!"

***CCC***

"Push, Jenny!" Kate and Celia urged loudly as a crowd had begun to gather around the unmarked. Tears ran from Kate's eyes as the head slowly emerged from the birth canal. "You're doing great, Jenny." The baby gave a lusty cry as the crowd erupted into cheers. "Let's get the rest of the baby delivered, Jenny. A couple of more pushes and we should have it completely out."

"Her," Jenny sobbed. "We found out a few months ago that it's a girl. Okay, here comes another one!"

"Okay, here she comes," Kate smiled as the baby's slippery wet body slid into her hands as she continued to cry loudly. She looked up as someone behind her handed her a coat to wrap the baby up in as she handed her over to Jenny.

She looked up as she heard two sets of sirens. The ambulance screeched to a halt at the same time as Espo and Ryan. Kevin jumped out of the car as he ran up to Kate's unmarked. "Is she okay?"

"Mother and daughter are doing just fine," Kate smiled as she looked down at her bloody hands. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath as she tried to erase the memories of another blood-soaked day from her mind.

"We need to get her to the hospital," the ambulance attendant said as he walked up to the car.

"I'll meet you at the hospital," Kevin smiled as he planted a tender kiss on his wife's lips as he backed out of the car.

The medical assistant, Celia, joined Kate back on the sidewalk. "Thank you," Kate thanked her. "I couldn't have done this without you. Kevin, this is Celia. Celia, this is Det. Kevin Ryan, otherwise known as the proud father. Espo, take him to the hospital."

"You've got it, boss," Espo said.

"You could've done it without me," Celia assured Kate. "You did great for someone who hasn't delivered a baby in a long time."

When they arrived at the hospital, Kate waited in the hallway with Espo as they waited for Kevin to give them further news of the baby. "Kate!" She turned to find Castle rushing toward her as he pulled her against his chest, holding her as tightly as he could. "I heard that you had to play midwife. Kevin called me when they were driving to meet you."

"It was a little unnerving, but I'm okay," she smiled as they saw Kevin walking toward them.

"The doc said that Jenny and the baby are doing great," he smiled as he clasped his hands together. "Would you guys like to see them?"

"Oh, yes," Kate smiled as she took Castle's hand as they went into the room where Jenny was resting in bed with a bundle wrapped in a pink blanket in her arms. "How are you feeling?"

"Tired. Kate, you were . . . great," Jenny smiled.

"I'm a cop. We're taught how to deliver babies," she brushed off the compliment.

"We thought we'd have more time to get to the hospital," Kevin said as he perched on the edge of the bed, admiring his newborn daughter.

"So, does your new daughter have a name or are we going to call her 'the baby' for the next 18 years?" Castle asked.

"Yeah, she has a name," Kevin smiled at Jenny, as they both turned toward Kate before he took the baby in his arms and approached his friends. "I would like to introduce all of you to Colleen Beckett Ryan."

"Beckett?" Kate stared at her friend before looking over toward the bed, where Jenny was beaming. "Ryan—"

"Beckett had a better ring than Katherine," Ryan grinned. "Colleen was the name that we'd picked when we discovered that we were having a girl. That was my grandmother's name."

"Wow, I don't know what to say," she breathed as Castle put a steadying hand on her shoulder.

"It's easy. You can name your first kid after me," the Irishman gave her a proud grin as he kissed her on the cheek.

***CCC***

It was after nine o'clock when Kate and Castle entered the loft that weekend. After leaving the hospital, they'd gone to The Old Haunt with Lanie and Esposito, where they drank toasts to the new parents and their healthy baby. Kate walked into the bedroom and fell across the bed exhausted. "So, how did it feel to play midwife?" Castle asked as he fell onto the bed beside her.

"At first I felt like Prissy in 'Gone with the Wind.' The last baby that I delivered was 10 years ago. When I knew that it was going to happen, I didn't have time to think. Jenny did all of the work. I was just there to catch the baby."

"Seeing Jenny lying there and holding Colleen makes me long for the day when that's you with our new baby," he gazed at her longingly as she looked up at him and smiled.

"Well Castle, we can still practice," she gave him a leering grin as she trailed her finger down his chest.

It had been an exhausting, yet exhilarating day for Kate and she fell asleep soon after they made love. As Castle held her sleeping body close to him, he rested his hand on her stomach, smiling as he imagined what she was going to look like when she was hugely pregnant with his children. What happened the previous summer might've been a horrible tragedy, but there was no reason why there couldn't be hope for them in the future.

**A/N #2: I'm sorry this chapter was so short. The next chapter will be much longer and extremely happy. Because we're going to have a wedding. **


	10. Chapter 10--Always and Forever

**Disclaimers: Hell no! But, I keep wishing.**

**Summary: Love is in the air as we have a Caskett wedding. **

**A/N #1: In my other fan fiction universe, there's a gold bracelet that gets mentioned a lot. It has sentimental value for my other couple. I had to add a bracelet to this story. It's just how I roll.**

**A/N #2: Rick's vows to Kate are going to include a lot of things that he's said to her over the years. I put a lot of thought into this because I wanted to make this different from other stories where writers have married them off. And, of course, Rick and Kate's word 'Always' will be included as much as I can possibly squeeze it in.**

**A/N #3: I think that 'Angel Eyes' by Jeff Healey is the perfect first dance for Kate and Rick.**

Chapter 10: Always and Forever

Kate Beckett sat bolt upright in bed in a panic. At first she couldn't remember where she was, but as she looked around the bedroom, she smiled as she remembered. She was in her room in the suite at the inn in East Hampton. And she was getting married today. She glanced at her father's watch, noting the time. In less than eight hours, she was going to be Mrs. Richard Castle. She reached for her phone to call her fiancé, only to remember that Lanie had confiscated her cell phone the night before.

"_Girl, if I don't take your phone, you will be talking or texting Writer-Boy all night instead of getting your beauty sleep," Lanie told her. "Tomorrow is a big day and you need to spend tonight sleeping."_

"_Lanie—"_

"_No phone."_

She got out of bed and pulled on her robe before making her way into the living area. She had a lot to do before meeting Castle at his, correction,_ their_, house for the wedding. She looked outside at the sunny May morning.

"Morning, girl," Kate smiled as she heard Lanie come out of the other bedroom. "Just think! You're getting married today!" Lanie came over and tightly hugged her best friend. "How'd you sleep?"

"Not too badly, actually. But right now, I need coffee."

"I'll have some sent up. Do you want me to see if Martha and Alexis are up, yet?"

"You'll have to, since you took my phone," Kate reminded her.

Martha and Alexis were staying in an adjoining room. It had been agreed that Castle and the boys would stay out at the house since Kate and her attendants would be the last people to arrive. It would prevent Castle from seeing the bride before the wedding, something that everybody was adamant about. The last time she'd seen her famous fiancé had been the afternoon before.

"_Take a walk with me," he gave her that smile that always melted her heart as she put her hand in his and let him lead her down to their stretch of beach. "So, when are my mother, Alexis and Lanie planning on kidnapping you?"_

"_They're not 'kidnapping' me, Castle. They just don't want you seeing me until the wedding tomorrow. Believe me, if I had to, I'd handcuff us together," she smiled up at him._

"_Promise?" He teased as she leaned into his shoulder._

"_Only this time—"_

"_We'd do it without the tiger," he finished the sentence for her as she threw her head back and laughed._

"_I'm going to miss you, Castle. Do you realize that tonight will be the first time in almost a year that we haven't slept in the same bed?"_

"_I know. I'm going to miss your snoring," he smiled at her._

"_Uh, I don't snore, Castle."_

"_Oh, I know what it is that I'll miss," he snapped his fingers. "I'll miss not being able to wake up and run my fingers down—"_

"_Stop, Castle! Don't make this harder than it already is."_

"_Oh, things will be hard, all right."_

"_Castle," she gave him that look that she gave murder suspects before she grilled them._

"_It's for less than 24 hours, Kate. Just think that tomorrow afternoon at this time, you will be Mrs. Richard Castle."_

Now it was less than eight hours. What was she supposed to do first? First she had to have her coffee. Then she could figure out the next step.

***CCC***

At the Hampton house, Castle was taking a long early morning walk on the still deserted beach. He'd been up since five in the morning, not able to sleep for another second without his beautiful fiancée at his side. It had been less than 12 hours since he'd last seen her, but he couldn't believe how badly he missed her. Like Kate, Javi and Kevin had taken his cell phone away from him after Kate had been taken into town the afternoon before. They told him they'd give it back to him before the ceremony. And, not only had the boys taken his cell, they'd taken the cordless phones from their chargers all through the house.

"_But, what if I need to talk to my mother or Alexis?" Castle had protested when he'd searched futilely throughout the house for a phone._

"_Bro, your mother and Alexis are with Beckett. You have no reason to talk to either of them. If they need anything, they'll let us know," Javi told his friend. _

"_But—"_

"_You're getting married tomorrow, dude," Ryan reminded him. "Tonight's your last night of freedom. I say that you make the most of it. We have beer, we have cards—"_

"_We have porn," Javi added._

"_Oh no. I'm not about to watch porn with you two," Castle protested as the two detectives began laughing._

"_Bro, we were joking about the porn. But, Ryan's right. We have beer, liquor and cards. We can have an all-night poker game."_

_Castle had put in a call to James Patterson and Michael Connelly and they'd played no limit Texas Hold 'Em until the wee hours of the morning. While he hadn't gotten drunk, he had acquired a nice buzz. He figured that his buzz would allow him to sleep until at least 10. But no. Here it was, barely sunrise and he was walking barefoot on the beach, thinking of his fiancée. In seven hours, he was going to see the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen in his life coming across his yard on her father's arm toward him. He couldn't wait._

Back at the inn, the four women were having breakfast in the inn dining room. Or three of the women were eating. Kate was just pushing her food around her plate. She couldn't believe how nervous she was feeling. She couldn't believe how much she missed Castle. "Alexis," she whispered to the young redhead sitting to her right. "Please call your father for me."

"No, not a chance," Alexis said with a firm shake of her head. "Kate, you're going to be seeing him in five hours."

"Girl, how in the hell did you function before he started following you around like a puppy?" Lanie teased her friend.

Kate laughed at the analogy. In the early days, Castle did often remind her of a puppy, following her from crime scene to crime scene, never following her instructions when she'd ask him to please stay in the car. "I didn't laugh as much."

"You didn't laugh, at all," Lanie corrected her.

"So, have you decided what you're going to say?" Alexis poured herself another glass of juice.

"Yeah, I know what I'm going to say," Kate blushed.

"We'd better get upstairs and start getting you ready," Lanie glanced at the clock on her cell. "We might think that we have a lot of time, but we really don't."

When they got back to the room that they shared, Kate went to take a long, hot bath to shave her legs and wash her hair while Lanie pulled her own phone from her pocket and called Esposito. "Hey, Espo? How's Writer Boy holding up?"

"He left the house early this morning. I think that he's walking on the beach, probably trying to figure out what the hell he's getting himself into. How's Beckett?"

"Beginning to get nervous. We should be at the house by one or so. I'll text you or call before we get there so that you can get Castle out of the house. What time is the minister arriving?"

"One o'clock also. The caterers should be here soon, so Kevin and I are going to get ready for them. I'll talk to you soon."

After taking her bath, Kate stepped into the bedroom, her hair wrapped in a towel as she walked over to the closet and opened it, her eyes filling with tears as they had every time she saw the garment bag hanging on the back of the door. That garment bag had been in hers' and Rick's closet since February and it was now hanging in this closet, waiting for her to don it in just a few short hours.

_Rick and Kate had gone to dinner with Kate's father shortly after Valentine's Day. Over dinner, they'd discussed plans for the upcoming wedding among other things. It was when they were leaving that Jim Beckett had told Kate that he had something to show her._

"_Is something wrong?" Kate had been concerned as she followed him back to the room that he'd shared with her mother for so long. It was a room that Kate had rarely entered after her mother's murder. It was just too painful to see her things on the dresser and her clothes in the closet as if she'd never left._

"_After your mother died, it took me a long time to decide what to do with her things," he said as he walked over to the walk-in closet. "I gave you her jewelry because I know that she'd want for you to have it."_

_Out of instinct, Kate had reached for the long chain that she'd worn around her neck for so long. The chain that held her mother's ring. That ring had been her talisman, a constant reminder of what she'd lost that awful January night so long ago. She didn't wear the ring as often, but the reminder was still there._

"_I gave most of her clothes away," Jim continued. "But, there were some things that I couldn't part with. Things that I hoped you would want someday."_

_Kate's breath caught in her throat when her father stepped into the closet and came out, carrying a huge red vinyl garment bag. "Oh, daddy," she breathed as he brought the bag over to the bed. _

"_Your mother was the most beautiful bride that I'd ever seen in my life," he remembered. "I have been waiting for this moment for such a long time. If you don't want to wear your mother's dress . . . if the thought is too painful—"_

"_I'd love to wear her dress," Kate finally found her voice. "I remember that she showed me this dress twice when I was a little girl. I used to have dreams about how I'd look if I wore it. I love you, dad," she fiercely embraced her father._

Castle had yet to see the dress. She'd been diligent about not allowing him to see it, not even a brief glimpse. So far, the only person who'd seen the dress had been Lanie, and that wasn't until the night before.

_They had been drinking wine the night before and talking about the wedding when Kate had stepped out of the room, returning with the garment bag. "You're the first person who's seen my dress," Kate smiled at her friend as she unzipped the bag and carefully removed the dress._

"_Oh girl, Castle's going to lose his mind when he sees you in this," Lanie breathed as she lightly touched the lace that covered the high-necked gown. "You said that this was your mother's dress?"_

"_The first time she showed it to me, I was seven. She wouldn't even let me touch it. When I was 13, I begged her to show it to me again. That time, she actually let me touch it. She told me that she couldn't wait to see what I was going to look like when I got married in it."_

"_You are going to look stunning."_

"_I hope so."_

"Girl, what're you doing in there? I still have to take a bath!" Lanie's voice interrupted her reverie.

"I'll be right out!" Kate called back.

***CCC***

Back at the house, the caterers were busy setting up in the kitchen as Castle sat in his office, trying to focus on his computer screen as he listened to the commotion in the other part of the house. He had other people decorating the house and the garden. He felt like there was nothing for him to do but sit and twiddle his thumbs. He smiled as he picked up the picture of Kate that he had sitting on the corner of his desk. He'd snapped it when she was sitting on the patio outside of their bedroom one fall morning. Her knees had been pulled up to her chest and the breeze had been whipping through her tangled hair. With the way that the early morning light had been shining off of her, he'd never thought that he'd ever seen anybody so beautiful. He glanced at his watch. It was almost 11 o'clock. He needed to get in the shower so that he could start getting ready soon. Javi had told him that the girls would be arriving shortly after one, so he had to be out in the garden when they arrived.

When he came out of his office, the boys were directing different people to things that needed to be done. Castle wasn't sure what he'd do without either of them. While they'd spent a lot of the past 24 hours ragging on him, they'd also been his anchor, keeping him calm as he waited for zero hour. "Bro, everything's under control out here," Javi told the writer. "Kevin and I are going to start getting ready. You'd better do the same. We have less than two hours before the girls all get here."

Two hours. The love of his life would be here in two hours. Was he actually getting married for the _third _time in less than three hours? He couldn't remember being this nervous, this excited, in either of his other two marriages. Like Kate had told him at Ryan's wedding, maybe the third time was the charm. He knew that he hadn't been this deeply in love with either Meredith or Gina. He hadn't found his every waking moment filled with thoughts of either of those two women.

Three hours. He couldn't wait. But, he knew that he had to.

***CCC***

At the inn, Lanie was working on Kate's hair when there was a knock on the door. "I'll get it," Lanie got up and opened the door to Jenny Ryan, who was holding a garment bag over her arm. "Hey, girl," Lanie hugged her. "Beckett, your matron of honor's here!"

"How are you doing?" Jenny came into the bedroom where Kate was sitting in front of the mirror, her hair halfway piled onto her head. "Are you nervous or excited?"

"Both," Kate admitted.

"I'll let you finish with her. I need to get into the shower and get ready," Jenny said as she headed for the bathroom.

"Hey, where's my namesake?" Kate grinned as Jenny stopped in the bathroom doorway.

"She's with my sister. I wasn't about to bring a five-month-old baby to a wedding. I'll see you in a bit."

Martha and Alexis arrived while Lanie was still doing Kate's hair and makeup. Lanie smiled when she stepped into the living room and spotted her friend's future mother-in-law and stepdaughter. "Martha, I have to get ready. Maybe you can help Beckett with her dress."

"Oh kiddo, I'd love to," Martha smiled as she entered the bedroom. "Katherine, Lanie suggested that you might need some help."

"Martha, I would love some help."

In the living room, Alexis nervously checked out her reflection in the floor length mirror that they'd brought from home. The maid of honor's dresses were a deep burgundy with thin spaghetti straps. Alexis had felt beautiful the moment that she'd tried it on. She smiled when Lanie stepped out of the other bedroom, her long, dark hair piled on her hair in a riot of curls. "Dr. Parrish, you look beautiful," Alexis told the medical examiner.

"Girl, when are you going to call me Lanie," Lanie hugged the young girl. "After today, we're going to be family."

Jenny stepped out of the front bedroom with her dress draped over her arm. "Lanie, can I get dressed in your room? Martha's busy in there with Kate."

"Of course," Lanie smiled.

In the bedroom, Kate looked at her reflection in the mirror on the back of the bedroom door as Martha stood right behind her, tears in her eyes as she looked at the vision in white in front of her. "Katherine, that dress is just—"

"I know," Kate blinked back tears.

"Is your father meeting you here or at the house?"

"He's meeting us at the house. I'll lose it if I see him earlier than that," Kate smiled as she turned toward Martha. "I guess that we should get ready to head out there."

"Katherine, my son is a lucky, lucky man," Martha choked out.

"Yes, he is," Kate said as both women laughed to avoid the tears that were threatening to flow. "Lanie took forever on my makeup. I'm not about to ruin it by crying. I'm sure that I'll be doing that as soon as I see Rick."

"Kate, let's go!" Jenny called from the front room. "We need to go!"

"Are you ready?" Martha asked.

"I've been ready for this for a long time."

"Then, let's get you married, shall we?"

The three women in the front room gasped when Martha stepped out of the room, followed by Kate. The white dress had a high neck and was covered with lace and intricate bead work. "Kate, you look more beautiful than anything in any of those bridal magazines," Alexis breathed.

"Thank you, Alexis."

"Let's go. You don't want to be late for your own wedding," Lanie told her as the five women left the suite.

***CCC***

Javi was in the downstairs guest bedroom when his phone buzzed, alerting him to a text message. He picked the phone up and glanced at it. **'We're on r way 2 the house. We should b there in 20 minutes.'**

Javi typed in a response. **'Ok. Will alert Castle.'**

Javi walked out into the living room where Kevin, Castle, and Kate's father, Jim Beckett, were expectantly waiting. "The girls are on their way. Lanie said they should be here in 20 minutes. That's your cue, bro," he looked at Castle.

The men were all dressed in black tuxedos. When Espo told him that his bride was on her way, Castle looked as if he was either going to throw up or pass out, maybe both. "Before you leave the house, Rick, can we talk for a few minutes?" Jim asked as Espo and Ryan discreetly left the house. The older man waited until Rick's friends had stepped out before he proceeded. "When I came to your apartment two years ago and told you that I knew that you cared about my daughter, I wasn't sure if she'd ever get on the same page with you. Since she met you, I've seen the little girl that I once knew emerge from the shell that she'd put herself in after her mother died. You've helped her through so many things over the past five years. I don't know what Kate would've done if she didn't have you. But, she's also my only daughter. My little girl. Please don't do anything to ever hurt her."

"I love Kate very much," Castle's voice was ragged with emotion. "I promise you that I will take care of her for the rest of our lives. I promise you that I will never hurt her."

"You'd better get out of here before your friends come in here and hunt you down," Jim smiled as Rick left the house.

The boys looked up as Castle came out of the house. "So, did you just get the 'if you hurt my little girl, I'll hunt you down and hurt you' speech?"

"Pretty much," Castle admitted.

"Be glad you're not Irish," Ryan grinned.

"Or Puerto Rican," Espo added. "Well, now you're going to get a similar speech from us. Beckett's like our sister, bro. If we even _suspect _that she's been hurt by you, we'll hurt you. And keep in mind that we know two medical examiners that can make your death look like a tragic accident."

"I think that I get the picture," Castle swallowed.

"Good, see that you remember," Espo warned him before breaking out into a huge grin. "Bro, relax. You're getting married in an hour."

***CCC***

When the girls arrived at the house, they walked in to find Kate's father waiting for her. "Oh Kate," he breathed. "You look even more beautiful than I could've imagined."

"Mr. Beckett, we have a few last minute details to take care of, and then Kate's all yours," Lanie told him as she took Kate's hand and led her upstairs.

Kate was dismayed when Lanie led her into one the guest rooms. "We're not getting ready in mine and Castle's room?"

"Girl, are you kidding? So that you can sneak peeks out of the window at Writer-Boy? I don't think so. Come on, we still have the matter of your garter and the flowers for your hair to take care of. Then we can touch up your makeup if we need to."

"Lanie, the waiting is killing me," Kate breathed as she put her hand over her chest.

"The wait will be over soon," her friend smiled at her. "Raise your dress so that we can get this garter on your skinny leg. Do you want Castle to really hunt for it or do you want me to cut Writer-Boy some slack?"

"Lanie, I don't want to give my wedding guests a peep show," Kate warned her.

"Can we come in?" Martha popped her head in as Lanie slid the blue garter up Kate's long leg.

"Yeah, I'm done here. Kate, that garter is your something blue. But, I have something else that I'll give you when you get back from Hawaii."

"What?" Kate was intrigued.

"You'll see when you get back from 10 days of sun and surf."

"We won't take long, kiddo," Martha said as her and Alexis stepped in. "Your father wants to see you, so we won't keep him waiting."

"Kate, you've made my dad so happy," Alexis smiled as she shyly approached her. "I see it every time that he looks at you. And I know that you love him because I also see it when you look at him. This is your something new from me."

Kate took the small box from Alexis and opened it, gasping as she saw the pair of earrings that were lying on soft cotton. "Alexis, these are beautiful," she took the glittering diamonds as she carefully put them in her ears. "I promise that I will always love your dad and I'll always take care of him."

"I know that you will," Alexis embraced her as she stepped aside for her grandmother.

"You told me that when Richard took you to that MADT event that you felt like a princess going to the ball," Martha remembered as she stepped behind Kate. "I believe that this was part of the reason why," she said as she slipped the ruby and diamond necklace that Kate had worn to an event that she'd gone to with Castle the first year he had followed her around. "This is your borrowed."

"Oh, Martha," Kate touched the beautiful necklace. "I was speechless then and I'm speechless now. Thank you."

"Well, when a girl gets married, she should always feel like a princess going to the ball. I hope that Richard never forgets how lucky he is," she squeezed Kate's shoulder. "Girls, let's go so that Jim can have some alone time with his daughter."

Kate glanced at her watch as her father stepped into the room. Fifteen minutes until show time. Taking a deep breath, she unbuckled her watch and placed it carefully on the dresser. Lanie had promised to get it and place it in the master bedroom before the ceremony started. "I don't know how many ways that I can possibly express how beautiful you look today."

"Thank you," Kate breathed as she stood up and walked over to her father. "Mom's here with us, dad. I can feel her."

"So can I," he planted a soft kiss on her forehead. "Seeing how happy you are makes me happier than you can imagine. When you and Rick look at each other, I see how much you love one another. Before Rick came along, you didn't smile much. And you certainly didn't laugh. I'm glad that he brought those things back into your life. As my little girl, the only thing that I've ever wanted was for you to be happy. I longed for you to meet someone who made you as happy as your mother made me. I got my wish fulfilled when you met Rick. You're going to be very happy together."

"I love you, dad."

"Don't cry or Lanie will have my head on a platter. Katie, I kept this after your mother died. It was the only piece of your mother's jewelry that I didn't give you," he removed a box that he'd had in his pocket and opened it, removing a thin gold bracelet. "Your mother always said that she wanted you to wear this on your wedding day. If the circumstances had been different, she would be the one putting this around your wrist herself."

Kate found it hard to breathe as her father put the bracelet around her wrist and clasped it closed. "It's beautiful. Thank you."

"Are you ready for this?" He smiled as she gave him a huge smile back as she nodded. "Then, let's do it."

When they stepped out of the room, they went downstairs to take their places behind the rest of the bridal party. Lanie came down a few minutes later, after securing Kate's watch as she'd promised. Kate took a deep breath as she clasped her hand around her father's arm as he kissed her on the cheek.

***CCC***

Rick smiled as he saw his mother escorted down the aisle by one of the ushers. Taking her seat in the front row, she gave her only son a warm smile and mouthed the words, 'Kate looks beautiful' to him.

"Bro, this is it," Espo whispered to him. "This is your last chance to make a break for it."

"Not a chance," Castle smiled, watching as Jenny Ryan made her way to the flower bedecked altar, followed by Lanie, and then Alexis. Tears came to his eyes at the sight of his daughter, who smiled and gave him a little wave.

The music then changed to 'The Wedding March' as the guests all stood up as one and turned toward the pool area for their first glimpse of the bride.

"Wow, Castle," Ryan could barely catch his breath as he got his first glimpse of Kate. "She's just . . . wow."

Coming down the path on her father's arm, Kate tried to get a glimpse of Castle. When she finally did, her smile got huge as she caught his eye.

Castle thought that his heart was going to burst as he watched the woman who was soon to be his wife coming toward him on her father's arm. He hadn't been given so much as a description of her dress, and now he knew that the anticipation had been worth the wait. Her smile was simply radiant. Her hair was swept up with flowers threaded through it. He reached up to wipe tears from his eyes as they came down the aisle toward him. He caught her eye as she finally stopped in front of him, as her father kissed her once again on the cheek and placed her hand in Castle's.

"Who gives this woman in marriage to this man?" The minister asked.

"Her mother and I do," Kate smiled at her father as he took his seat in the front row.

"Was that your idea, Castle?" She mouthed the words to him as he smiled and shrugged.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness the marriage of Richard Alexander Castle and Katherine Houghton Beckett. Richard and Katherine have written their own vows that they want to share with their family and friends on this most cherished of occasions."

"Kate," Castle clasped her hands in both of his, "you are my love, my life, my heart. When you smile, my day gets brighter. I love that you never back down from a fight. I love waking up in the morning and seeing you smile at me. We might've had some stumbles along this journey, but you never gave up on me, on us. That's one of so many things that make you extraordinary, as I told you a long time ago. I want to continue sharing my home, my family, and my love with you. I want to extend that family by at least a dozen," she looked down and smiled at his words. "The afternoon before you came to me during a torrential downpour, looking like a drowned rat," she rolled her eyes at what he was referring to, "I argued with you. I told you that you were the most remarkable, maddening, challenging, frustrating person that I'd ever met. Well, I hope that you keep challenging me and frustrating me for the next 100 years or so. I love you so much, and I look forward to spending the rest of my life with you. You are and will forever be my always."

He reached up and wiped at his eyes again as she looked up and smiled at him. "You told me that you were probably going to be speechless," she said as the guests laughed. "Castle, it took a long time for me to see what everybody else saw. When I got shot, I told you about the wall that I'd built around myself. You've helped me tear down that wall and let go of the pain that had dominated my life for so long. I like laughing at your jokes, no matter how corny they are. You make a tough job a lot more fun. You make my life a lot more fun. I never thought that I'd find myself being the inspiration for a best-selling crime novelist. I never thought that I'd fall in love with a nine-year-old on a sugar rush," the guests laughed. "You made your family and your home my family and my home. I don't feel complete anymore unless I'm with you. You are my fairy tale, my happily ever after. And yes, my one and done. I look forward to spending the rest of my life being a one writer girl. I look forward to a future that includes a lot of Castle babies," she grinned as he couldn't help but grin back at her. "I also want this love story to last for at least 100 years. And, you'll also and forever be my always," she said, repeating his last line back to him.

"May I have the rings?" The minister looked toward Kevin as he handed Kate's ring to Castle. "Richard, as you place the ring on Katherine's finger, repeat after me. 'I, Richard, give this ring as a symbol of my deep faith and abiding love.'"

"I, Richard, give this ring as a symbol of my deep faith and abiding love," he smiled as he slid the ring smoothly onto her finger.

Javi then handed Kate Castle's ring. "Katherine, as you place the ring on Richard's finger, repeat after me, 'I, Katherine, give this ring as a symbol of my deep faith and abiding love.'"

"I, Katherine, give this ring as a symbol of my deep faith and abiding love," she slid his ring onto Castle's finger as she lightly squeezed his fingers.

"By the powers vested in me by the state of New York, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss your bride," the minister informed Castle. As he pulled her close and gently kissed her, they could hear their guests applauding. "Ladies and gentlemen, it is my pleasure to present to you Richard and Katherine Castle."

As they walked back up the aisle toward the house, they heard well wishes from all directions. But, as far as they were concerned, there was no one else around. "Ladies and gentlemen, if you'll proceed to the house, dinner will be served soon. If the happy couple and the wedding party will remain out here for pictures, we'd appreciate it."

After the photographer had taken what seemed to be hundreds of pictures, the wedding party went into the house, leaving Castle and Kate alone. "Hello, Mrs. Castle," he whispered as his lips gently descended on hers.

"I love the way that sounds," she pulled back to smile at him.

"Good, because I plan on saying it a lot. Have I told you that you just look . . . wow? Seeing you walking down that aisle was definitely worth not having you with me last night."

"You don't look so bad yourself, Castle," she took his hand in hers.

"I know that we should get inside, but I just wanted to have you to myself for a little while before we get mobbed by friends and family. You are by far the most beautiful woman I've ever seen in my life."

"Well, I had some help."

"I love you, Kate."

"I love you too, Castle. We should get inside."

Their guests applauded as Kate and Rick entered the house, which had been cleared of furniture in exchange for tables and a small dance floor. A small band had set up in one corner of the room, preparing to start up as soon as the happy couple entered the house. As soon as the applause died down, the singer stepped up to the microphone. "First of all, on behalf of Richard and Kate, they'd like to thank all of you for being here to celebrate this special day. If everybody would please clear the dance floor so that they may share their first dance as husband and wife, we'll get this party started."

They chose 'Angel Eyes' by the Jeff Healey Band as their first dance. As Kate had told Castle a while back, when you were in love, all of the songs made sense. She slipped her arms loosely around her neck as he pulled her into his arms so that her head rested into the crook of his neck.

'I'll thank the stars above

How did I ever win your love?

What did I do?

What did I say?

To turn your Angel Eyes my way'

"Can we just stay like this all night?" Kate whispered into his neck as he slowly moved them around the dance floor.

"We could, but I think people would start objecting after a while."

"I don't care. I just want to be with you."

"I love dancing with you, Mrs. Castle," he whispered as she moved her head so that they could share a tender kiss as the song ended.

After everybody had their dances with the newlyweds, Kate and Castle took their seats with the rest of the bridal party as dinner was served. Between all of the well-wishers and the excitement, Kate could barely eat a bite. She looked toward the end of the table as Javi stood up and picked up his water glass, tapping his spoon against it until he had everybody's attention. "Kevin Ryan and I are Castle's best men and as such, we're expected to make a toast to the happy couple."

"Here we go," Castle groaned as Kate took his hand and squeezed it.

"Castle, you came into our midst and irritated the hell out of us. But then one day something happened. We noticed that you made Beckett laugh just a little bit more. You were willing to make bets with Ryan and me over stupid stuff. What was even funnier was that you were able to bring Beckett in on the stupid stuff. After a while it was like you could read each other's minds. You make her life more fun, you always have her back. For that we thank you. Beckett . . . Kate, you're our boss, our sister, our friend, the one person that I know who understands about living through hell," her eyes misted as she knew that he was referring to both of their problems with PTSD. "In Castle, you've found that person who will always have your back, and will always be there for you as he's shown many times over. Congratulations, Castle and Kate," he raised his champagne glass toward them.

As soon as he sat down, Kevin stood up. "We all knew that this day was going to happen long before Rick and Kate did. After I got married, my wife Jenny told me that the two of you were going to be next. I kept telling her that you weren't a couple. And, she told me that sure you were, you just didn't know it, yet. Castle, you told us once that you'll do anything for the people that you love. In the past five years, I've seen you prove this more times than I care to remember. I know that you'll always be there for Kate. Kate, I'm so happy that you've found someone that makes you laugh and smile. I wish the both of you all of the happiness in the world and those dozen kids that you mentioned in your vows," he grinned as he raised his glass to them. "To Castle and Kate!"

After dinner, Castle was on the dance floor with Martha while Kate danced with Javi. "Castle was scared that you and Ryan were going to humiliate him in your toast," Kate told her friend.

"We thought about it," Javi admitted as she laughed. "I just wanted to tell you that you look beautiful."

"Thank you, Javi."

"Richard, I hope that you're always as happy as you are today," Martha smiled at her son as they danced.

"So do I, mother."

"She's absolutely radiant," Martha nodded to where Kate was now dancing with Kevin. "When she was coming down the aisle and saw you, I swear that her smile could've lit up a dark room."

About that time, Alexis came up and tapped her father on his shoulder. "Hi, pumpkin," Rick beamed at her. "Are you cutting in?"

"I guess that I am," Alexis said as Martha stepped aside. "Daddy, this was the most beautiful wedding I've ever been to."

"Well, I suppose that you are slightly prejudiced," he continued smiling as he moved his daughter around the small dance floor.

"I love you, daddy."

"I love you too, pumpkin."

When they went to cut the cake later, Kate bent Castle down so that she could whisper in his ear. "I'm giving you a warning, Castle. If you're even _thinking _of shoving cake into my face, keep in mind that I have a gun and I'm prepared to use it."

"Not to mention handcuffs," he smirked as she rolled her eyes. "If I promise not to shove a handful of cake in your face, will I get the rest of your dances tonight?"

"If you don't shove cake into my face, my dance card will belong completely to you."

When they made their way onto the dance floor later, Kate melted into his arms as he swayed them to the music. "How are you feeling?" He asked, noticing how quiet she'd gotten.

"A little tired," she admitted. "And my feet are killing me."

"In that case we should start saying our goodbyes. The limo will be here soon to take us back to the city and The Four Seasons."

"You hired a limo?" Kate pulled back in surprise.

"Well, I wasn't planning on driving us back to the city and we couldn't slip off to bed upstairs with a house full of guests."

"You were just afraid that Javi and Kevin were going to decorate the Ferrari."

"Well, there was that, too. Come on, let's start saying goodbye."

"Castle, before we say our goodbyes, there's a little matter of what I'm wearing under my dress." He raised an eyebrow as she rolled her eyes. "The garter. You need to remove it and throw it."

Castle caught Javi standing by and stopped him. "Javi, could you put out the word that I'm getting ready to remove Kate's garter from under her dress?"

"Castle, do you expect me to seriously wear my wedding dress to The Four Seasons?" She stared at her husband after Javi walked off.

"I told you that I was going to peel that dress off of you."

"Castle, this dress has 400 buttons down the back. It'll take all night," she hissed.

"Oh no, don't tell me that mom and dad are fighting tonight," Ryan groaned.

"Hold on a minute," she got up and went in search of Jenny, who was talking to Martha, Lanie and Alexis. "Jenny, when you got married, did you wear your wedding gown to the hotel?"

"No, I had travel clothes. I didn't want my dress getting all wrinkled."

"Castle, I'm changing clothes before we leave," Kate said decisively as she walked over to the chair that someone had placed in the middle of the dance floor.

Castle knew that the exhaustion was setting in, so he didn't come back with a remark. Instead he knelt down in front of her as she gave him an embarrassed smile. "Don't worry, detective. I promise that I won't get you arrested for lewd and lascivious behavior." He reached up under her dress, sliding his hand up her leg as he searched for the satin garter that Lanie had placed around Kate's leg earlier in the day.

"Castle, you're supposed to be removing my garter, not copping a feel!" She hissed as his fingers traveled up a little too high.

Giving her that lopsided, kid with his hand caught in the cookie jar grin, he slid the garter down her leg and flung it over his shoulder as you would a rubber band. The guests laughed and applauded as it was caught by one of the single men in attendance. "Javi, did you even try to catch it?" Castle asked as he stood up and helped Kate to her feet.

"Bro, I don't plan on taking myself off of the market for a long time, yet."

"If you want to change, you have about 10 minutes," Castle turned to Kate. "The limo will be here at 11."

"Lanie, could you give me a hand?" Kate asked as she went upstairs with her maid of honor behind her. "I can't believe that Castle thought he was going to take me out of this dress," she said as they entered the master bedroom.

"Girl, men just like taking our clothes off of us. But, you have a point. That dress doesn't exactly scream patience."

Kate went to the closet and pulled out a pair of jeans and a black button-down blouse. "Can you unbutton me, please?"

As Lanie unbuttoned her friend, Kate kicked off the white high heels that she'd been wearing since before noon. Her feet were screaming for relief. As the dress came off of her shoulders, Kate carefully stepped out of it and with Lanie's help, hung it back in the garment bag that they'd brought from the inn. She then peeled off her slip and panty hose as she donned her jeans and blouse. She hoped that Castle recognized the significance of what she was wearing when they got to the hotel. She then walked over to the mirror and carefully removed the flowers from her hair and took out all of the hair pins, running her fingers through her hair to fluff it out. "I wonder if I'll be the first bride to crash and burn on her wedding night."

"It's a two hour drive back to the city," Lanie reminded her. "Take a nap in the limo. Then you'll be all fresh to jump Writer-Boy's bones when you get to the hotel. When are you leaving for Hawaii?"

"The day after tomorrow. Castle wanted us to spend tomorrow resting."

"Uh-huh," Lanie said skeptically as Kate blushed. "Come on, let's get back downstairs."

"Lanie?" The M.E. stopped in the doorway to look at her friend. "Thanks for everything."

"Girl, I'm your best girlfriend. It's what we do," Lanie walked back in and tightly hugged Kate. "Come on, I'm betting that Castle's anxious to get you all to himself."

Downstairs, Castle and Kate walked the room, hand in hand, thanking everybody for coming to the wedding. Their last stop was in front of their family. Jim Beckett pulled Kate into his arms. "You were so beautiful today," he whispered to her. "Rick's a good man and he loves you as much as I loved your mother. Take care of each other."

"We will," Kate whispered back as she tried not to cry. "I love you. I'll talk to you when we get back."

"Take lots of pictures," he told her.

"Jim, they'll be on their honeymoon. Something tells me that they probably won't even leave their room."

"Mother!"

"Gram!"

"I'm just stating a fact, darling," Martha smiled at her son. "You two take care of each other. Alexis and I will be just fine."

"I have no doubt about that, mother," Castle turned toward his daughter. "Call me if you need anything."

"Daddy, I'll be fine. You're going to be on your honeymoon working on making more babies, not worrying about the child that you're leaving at home."

"One day I'll figure out how she got so smart," Castle smiled at Kate.

Kate was about to say something when she turned to the door and saw a chauffeur standing there, obviously waiting on them. "I think our chariot's here."

Going out to the limousine, they were followed by the guests that were still there calling out goodbyes and some rather raucous advice as they fell into the back of the limo as the chauffeur closed the door behind them. Kate leaned back against the seat, closing her eyes as she relished the sounds of blessed silence. "Mr. Castle, we should be at The Four Seasons by one or 1:30," the chauffeur informed them as he raised the privacy shield separating the front seat from the back, giving the newlyweds some privacy.

"Tired?" Castle whispered tenderly in Kate's ear as she opened her eyes.

"Exhausted."

"Too tired to share a glass of champagne with your husband?"

"Wow, Castle. That new title might take some getting used to," she smiled as he handed her a glass of champagne.

Slipping his arm around her shoulder, he drew her into his shoulder as they quietly sipped their champagne as the limo headed back to the city and their new life together.

**A/N #4: There will be one more chapter filled with sex and romance because this chapter started gaining a life of its own. I'm sorry that it ran so long, but I wanted to get every aspect of the wedding crammed in there. The last chapter will be short and sexy (I hope).**


	11. Chapter 11--The First Night of the Rest

**Disclaimers: 'Castle' belongs to Andrew W. Marlowe. The story is mine.**

**Summary: Wedding night sex. I really don't need to say anything more. This one's rated 'M' for a reason, boys and girls.**

Chapter 11: The First Night of the Rest of our Lives

"Kate. Kate!" Kate sleepily opened her eyes and smiled at the handsome man in the tuxedo sitting beside her. "We're almost at the hotel."

"'Kay," she muttered as her eyes started to flutter closed once again.

"Come on, Kate. I'm all for carrying you over the threshold, but not from the lobby all the way up to the Honeymoon Suite."

"Spoiled sport," she mumbled as she opened her eyes just as the limo pulled up to the curb. "Do we have luggage?"

"I had it sent up here already," Castle said as he took her hand and helped her out of the car.

Kate wrapped her arm around Castle's waist as they entered the lobby of the huge hotel and stepped up to the desk. "Good evening. Welcome to The Four Seasons," the officious clerk behind the counter stared at the couple standing in front of him.

"We have the Honeymoon Suite reserved for 'Rodgers,'" Kate was surprised that Castle was using his birth name, something that he rarely did.

"Yes sir, Mr. Rodgers. Congratulations, by the way. You'll find a chilled bottle of champagne and a basket of fruit awaiting you," the clerk smiled as he handed Castle the key card for the room.

"Thank you," Castle said as he walked with Kate toward the elevator.

"Why aren't you using Castle?" She asked as they stepped into the elevator and he hit the button for the top floor.

"Because, otherwise we won't get any privacy. This will keep Page 6 and The Ledger away from us."

Kate frowned slightly. While she'd always known that Castle was world-famous and did get followed occasionally, this was the first time she'd realized that her privacy could be affected, as well.

Castle glanced down as he noticed that Kate had gotten extremely quiet. "What's wrong?" He asked. "Kate, I promise that I'll shield you and our children from that part of my life as much as I can."

"I just hadn't given it much thought before," she admitted as the elevator stopped and he led her off of it.

"Well, I don't want you worrying about it tonight," he said as he slid the key card into the door in front of the Honeymoon Suite. "Tonight is all about us."

After he nudged the door opened, he scooped Kate up into his arms and carried her into the room, as she laughed in surprised shock against his neck. As soon as he dropped her onto the bed, he walked over to the bottle of champagne that was chilling in an ice bucket and popped it opened. Bringing her a glass, he sat down beside her on the bed. "To my beautiful, sexy wife. I love you very much," he kissed her softly on the lips.

"Castle, I hope that I never run out of words to let you know how much I love you," she smiled as she saw his eyes mist over.

"So, are you too tired to keep this party going?" He gave her a salacious grin as she returned his grin with that famous moonbeam smile.

"I know that I should be, but I'm not," she reached for his tie as she unknotted it. "I don't think I've ever gotten a man out of a tux before."

"Maybe I should've changed."

"Are you kidding? I'm up for the challenge. By the way, Castle, do you recognize what I'm wearing?"

His eyes took in the dark blouse and the jeans as his eyes went back up to Kate's. Memories of a beautiful girl showing up in his doorway during a thunderstorm immediately came to mind. "At least they're dry this time," he teased as she bit her lower lip and grinned.

"Not completely," she teased back.

Kate finally managed to get his tie off before starting on the buttons down the front of the starched shirt-front. She then reached up and carefully removed his cufflinks, before removing his tux jacket and then his shirt, letting both items fall to the floor. His breath caught when she reached her hand into the top of his pants and unbuttoned them before tugging the zipper down. He reached down and quickly removed his shoes and socked as his pants fell to the floor at his feet. He stopped her when she started to reach in and pull down his boxers. "Not yet," he breathed, his voice ragged.

Pulling her into the 'v' of his legs, he pressed his face between her breasts and inhaled the scent of her. She groaned when he reached up and unbuttoned the top button of her blouse to worship that space between her breasts where her heart beat so loudly. He reached up his hand to lightly press it into her scar, much as he had that first night when she'd taken his hand and guided him to it, sharing it with him for the first time. She felt his fingers releasing the rest of the buttons as he pulled her blouse off of her arms, as it fell to the floor to join the other articles of clothing that had already accumulated there. He then reached to the front of her and undid the front clasp of her bra, sliding it off of her body. She whimpered loudly as he hungrily pulled her toward him, his tongue hot and wet against her breasts as he nipped and sucked at her tender flesh.

Cupping his face in her hands, she leaned down to kiss him, their tongues madly dueling with each other as they kissed passionately, their breaths mingling as a raging inferno began to build in both of them. She took his hand and brought it down to the top of her jeans, letting him know exactly what she wanted. He made quick work of the button and zipper as he tugged the denim down to the floor as she stepped out of them. Instead of touching her to quell the building ache between her legs, as she wanted him to, he left her mouth and moved back down to her breasts, his tongue rapidly flicking her erect nipple as she pulled his head tighter into her body. "Castle," she breathed as his tongue swirled and nipped at her sensitive flesh. "Please?"

He lay down on his back, hauling her up on top of him as he continued his assault on her breasts. "Now I've got your boobs dangling in my face," he grinned up at her as she couldn't help but roll her eyes at him.

"From now on, my boobs had better be the _only _ones dangling in your face," she warned him as he chuckled.

Swinging her leg over him, she ground her hips against his erection as he groaned. Liking the sound of that groan, she ground into him again, a little harder this time. "Fuck, Kate," he pulled away from her breast as he pulled her down to him, his mouth once again hungry on hers. "You do know that we're both still wearing too many clothes."

"Really?" She moved away from him, moving down to his hips as she reached into the waistband of his boxers and began pulling them down his body, as his straining erection sprang free.

He felt his breath stop as he saw the look that she was giving him. He knew that if she got up and went for ice cubes, he was going to be a goner. But instead of her taking him into her mouth as he'd expected her to, she took him firmly in her hand and slid her hand up and down his length, as he felt himself get harder than he ever thought possible. Using her other hand, she grasped the elastic at the top of her panties and pulled, shimmying them down her long legs, and kicking them aside to join the pile of clothes already on the floor.

He found it harder and harder to get a breath as she continued working her hand up and down his hard flesh. He longed to touch her, to sink his fingers into her hot, wet folds and drive her as crazy as she was making him. "Kate, come here," he whispered, his voice harsh with desire.

She gave him another cat-who-ate-the-canary smile as she crawled back up his body and kissed him, her tongue dancing wildly with his as he wrapped his arms around her and flipped them so that he was on top. Kissing his way down her body, he stopped when he got to the juncture of her thighs. Reaching his fingers down, he began touching her, his fingers exploring every inch of wet flesh as she mewled and writhed under his hands. He loved the sounds that she made as they made love. He didn't think that many different sounds could possibly come from one person. In the two years that they'd been lovers, he'd learned that she was extremely vocal when they were intimate. "Castle, please," she begged him as he entered her with two fingers as she thrust against him. "I want you! I need you!"

He rubbed his erection against her wet folds as she cried out and tried to reach for him. Reaching down, he stroked her one last time before slowly entering her, covering her cry of passion with his lips as he began to move.

Kate clawed at his back and his ass as she met his thrusts. Her senses were on fire as she kissed his jaw, his neck, his collarbone as he continued moving, gradually faster as their cries of passion grew louder. She cried out even louder when he shifted her hips to change the depth of penetration as she felt the tension beginning to coil deep inside of her belly. Wrapping her legs around his calves, and her arms around his neck, she could feel that tension building to something that was going to approach mind-blowing in nature. She screamed Castle's name over and over as her climax hurtled through her like a freight train going 100 miles an hour.

Feeling her clamp tightly around her sent Castle over the edge as well. He buried his face into her shoulder as he came deep into her womb, as he felt her tighten even harder around him.

After a few minutes, he raised himself up on his arms so that he could gaze down at Kate. She was smiling, her eyes closed tight as she continued to pant softly, her warm breath tickling his shoulder as he smiled down at her.

Finally she opened her eyes to find him smiling up at her, much as he had after the first time they'd ever made love. The smile that told her that he couldn't believe that she was here with him, his body wrapped around hers as it was now. "I know that I must weigh a ton, but do you have any idea who beautiful you are right now?"

"Really, Castle? I'm mussed and sweaty. Not exactly the Webster's Dictionary description of 'beautiful,'" she grimaced as he kissed her.

"You're still beautiful to me," he kissed her once more, a lingering soft kiss that made her smile, as he slowly pulled out of her and rolled over next to her. She curled into his shoulder as he slowly stroked her back. He'd learned after their first time together that Kate liked to cuddle, especially after sex. "Can we put the 'Do Not Disturb' sign on the door and stay in bed all day tomorrow and do this?"

"Castle, if I know you, we'll be doing this again in 20 minutes," she yawned sleepily against him as he continued the light strokes on her back.

"It can wait until tomorrow," he kissed the top of her head. "My wife has had a very long day."

"I like the sound of that, Castle," she smiled as she drifted off to sleep, her hand reaching for his left hand as she felt their rings joining together. Feeling his fingers securely wrapped around hers made her feel happy and safe.

"I love you, Kate," he whispered into her hair as he drifted off to sleep as well, their hands and their hearts joined as one.

**A/N #1: As I was writing the romance scene, I felt like Alison Janney in '10 Things I Hate About You' as she was writing her scene in her office. It's hard to come up with adjectives to describe things.**

**A/N #2: In the future, I will write Caskett having a baby story with a much more positive ending, I promise.**


End file.
